FACELIFT

All the cool kids were doing it, so I did too.

Pancakes, Anyone?

This morning, I got up bright and early-at least for me(7:30 REAL time) and made my way to the bathroom. I stopped halfway through the living room because-SNOW! Then, of course, I wondered immediately if there was school today. Why, you ask? Because Thursday is now Bible study day. If county school is out-no Bible study. I made my way to the TV and waited through 17 commercials for the news to tell me if there was school. No school. No Bible study.

"I'm going back to bed girls! No Bible study today." They were not happy campers. Then they remembered there was snow.
"Let me sleep 30 more minutes and then I will get up and you can go out and play." So they ate breakfast and played while I tried to snooze more. Wasn't happening. Up too long. There is a window there where I can go back to sleep like awake had never happened. It is about 10 minutes. We were going on like 30-45. Sooo, I got up and savored the snow day and all the things it cancelled. The girls went out to play with our neighbor who was now over to sled. I put in disc 3 of season 4 of Gilmore Girls. Not too much later, the doorbell rang. I am still in my jammies and fully expect it to be our neighbor-even though I thought she was already here. A strange little girl is at my door telling me all the ways I know her and her mom and can she please come over to play. She doesn't look much older than Lilly(turns out she was 9 though)-so I invite her to the backyard where the girls are in full snowball fight mode. Now it is about mid-morning and I have 5 children in my charge and I am trying to decide what I will feed them in about 15 minutes when I must insist they come in, dry their coats and such and warm-up. (And also call new girl's mom to see who she is and let her know daughter is here-she graduated with my husband and knew where we lived through a friend and knew we had girls.) What feeds alot of kids that picky eaters love? Pancakes. So I called them in, put Erika in charge of getting things in the dryer and started mixing batter. Oh my but they were loud and excited and all getting along so well. In no time at all I had enough pancakes for round one and started working on round two. They all ate heartily and then went off to play some more inside. When I had had all the fun I could stand they went outside for sledding part 2. Not even one episode(Gilmore Girls) later, there was another kid thrown into the mix-a neighbor BOY. I had to call off the girls who were not being very nice to him. One girl had to come in for a time-out and another had to apologize. I chatted a little with boy to make sure all was well and then shooed mine+new girl inside. Down to 4 kids. Neighbor girl and neighbor boy went home. It was 12:30 and my nice mom gauge was down to a quarter tank. I established a fun stop time of 1PM when school would start for us and new girl would have to go home.

Whew!! I guess I should have bought those 60 packets of hot chocolate at Sam's. At the time it seemed like way too many. However, having THE hill makes us pretty popular when it snows. Good news, looks like we have a new friend in the neighborhood and we are glad about that-you can never have too many!!

It's been a fun day! School this afternoon and tonight to make up for lost time. I love a good snow day. Supposed to have another one tomorrow-but since they have predicted it-I bet it doesn't happen!!

Oh my goodness, I am like a wind up doll-only self-winding. We had a great class at church tonight. Wonderful discussion. About all sorts of stuff that I love to talk about. I talked my head off and oh there was so much more I wanted to say, discuss, bring up, pontificate, ponder, debate. You know that filter that stops you just before you talk way tooooo much, interrupt and come across as a total conversation hog? I seem to have been born without it.

It is terrible to leave a class with double guilt-A)not doing more to share Christ with those who don't know him and B)feeling like a cad for talking too much.

Tagged

Ami tagged me to do this. Hula tag coming Friday. I cannot resist a tag. They don't usually come at the same time though!!


How long have you been blogging?

My first post in my archive is 8-26-2005, however, I do believe my introductory post was deleted. I did not really learn how to do much with settings until I was pretty far along with blogging. There was a pre-set number of blog entries to archive. My number of entries was higher than that so some of them slipped away. Not many though.

What inspired you to start your blog, and who are your mentors?

My friend Summer introduced me to the whole concept of a blog. I read hers one time, felt in touch with her and was hooked. From there I began to do word searches and read lots of good and also a few unsavory blogs. I read a reporter's blog on Hurricane Katrina hitting Alabama and I was just mesmerized. He posted for about a year. I am thankful for all the info he put out there and was sad to see him close it down. Then I did much more CAREFUL word searches and found Miss Zoot. Even though we have lots in common, we have lots not in common-but I really enjoy her blog. I also found Very Mom who is now Kerflop-love her!! I also found a couple of other girls that I read for a long time and both of those turned into p*rn sites...I hope they are making money at least?? I was sad to see them go and even sadder that I linked p*rn for a while!! Sara then told me about Deana who made me laugh in a "spray milk out your nose" way who led me to Jacinda who is practically my cousin who led me to my soul sister JettyBetty and then I talked some friends (influenced HULA?)into blogging and Summer did too, people who started around when I did and others who came along much later. All in all-I read alot of blogs. Too many in fact. I am mentored by many as well. I have a strong need to read and be read.

Are you trying to make money online, or are you doing it just for fun?

I made $20 blogging, so I guess I am in it for fun. If I were smart enough to figure it all out, I would have ads on here just to justify the blog and time spent here. Give me time. However, my main reason is as a journal/family history recording. It also helps me grow as a person. I have gotten some real perspective into who I am and why I am who I am through the writing done on here. I have also whined, offended, complained, belittled, offended, whined and complained. Just keeping it real-and learning to do things in a better way is all part of that!!

My hope of hopes is that when my girls are grown, they can enjoy browsing through this and feel like they are sane when they struggle with things similar to my struggles-and as bad as I hate it-they will have many struggles- some because of me, some in spite of me, some to spite me-struggles, a fact of life. Run on sentences, dashes and lots of commas-a fact of this blog. AND if they can't relate to anything I say on here, we can pinpoint exactly where the crazy started. ( ;

What 3 things do you love about being online?

The sense of connected-ness. I love it when people comment. I love that by being real about my life, it sometimes helps others. I am happy that I relate to so many people and they relate to me. I am happy to read people that I have little in common with and people I have much in common with. This is my little internet support group. When I am crashing, you comment and encourage me. When I do something stupid, you confess you've done it too. When I'm struggling, you pray for me. When I tell huge lies about bears, you applaud my fiction. There is a very special group of readers on here that go to my church. That has been a wonderful blessing. We connect in a unique way because we know each other on a whole different level. I am a hopelessly misunderstood person. People who read my blog understand me a little bit better. My husband reads on here and it has helped him know why I do the things I do.

Was that three??

I tag everyone who reads this!! Especially if you are linked in this entry or on my sidebar (and you know I exist-Miss Zoot, Pioneer Woman and Kerflop do not!). This is a good meme!

Bye Bye Breck Girl

Have you heard? John Edwards is supposed to step out of the race today. Now I think I said something nice about him on here once and never followed up on that. He did impress me in one debate. However, he was a one-trick pony. He said the same thing in every speech, every debate, every commercial and every interview. That made him seem a little loopy, batty, odd. The fact that the question could be about the anything-the price of tea in China- and he could bring it back to veterans sleeping under bridges became comical. Sad, really. He does have really nice hair.

I've also heard rumors that Rudy may be stepping out as well. He is absolutely the best man for the job. I really can't believe conservative Christians will let one issue (pro-choice) keep him out of office. I hate abortion, but I do not think we can reverse Roe V. Wade. People would come out of the woodwork to prevent it. We just have to keep counseling the women who consider it and love them-offer support. This is not a political battle.(IMHO) The fact that Rudy would not say all right, I am pro-life (as others have done) to garner support says alot. He also gave assurances that he would elect judges that were. Conservative Christians (I realize I sort of fall into this category) will be the reason we end up with Hilary or Barack, or McCain. I do not believe Huckabee and Romney are electable. Also, factor in all those conservative votes that will go to Ron Paul and we have the election of the first Clinton all over again.

So my hope for America bubble has been deflated. My doom and gloom bubble is halfway inflated. I have no idea who I will support. Hey, Ross Perot, where are you?

Bizarre Fantasies!

Yes, I have totally bizarre fantasies. They involve built-in furniture and woodworking. I hate most store bought furniture. It is large, fluffy and never suits me. We usually have several shopping trips where we browse at many shops and then I come home not sure what I want, but sure I am not gonna find it in a furniture store. The purchases we have made are not things I love. So last night at the library, I was looking for a book on storage solutions. Instead I found all these books on do-it-yourself furniture, storage and garages. So I got about 7 of them. Today they are going back along with a crushed build-our-own furniture fantasy. The books start out with a recommendation for your workshop lay-out and where to put your $500,000 tools. We're just wanting a couple of pieces of well thought out furniture. I guess I'll keep shopping.

I Love A Good Monday!

I know that most of the world agrees with Garfield, but I do love Monday.

Last Wednesday I hopped on the scale expecting the usual number. I was shocked to find a new horrid number. It was ugly-about 7 pounds uglier than the usual number which isn't pretty, but usual nevertheless. Of course, I knew the culprit-Mello Yello. It isn't mellow at all, in fact, it is quite aggressive. Many people pack extra poundage all because of M.Y. So I immediately began a water fest. No more sweetened drinks-at all. It has been hard as the craving came over me in waves especially the first two days. But, as with any addiction, once you get a little clean time, you get some perspective and will power. I think I will just stick with the water and when I just have to have some fizzy-Diet Coke. Mello Yello did get me over the Diet Coke addiction in a methadone kind of way...replacing one addiction for the other-so water is good right now. Water addiction is what I am going for.

Today I hopped on the scales and all is back to "usual". Yesterday, we took a family trip to Sam's and stocked up on food for a couple of weeks. We saw about 10 other families from church...too funny! I made sure to leave off the junk and we are stocked on veggies. I also made a huge cry out for an Aldi trip where more fresh veggies were purchased. So today we are all snacking on multi-colored peppers, celery, grape tomatoes and mini-carrots. We love them so it works out well. We also have alot of fruit and yogurt. It isn't hard to eat healthy if I do the prep work to make it readily available. More expensive, yes. More prep, yes. Worth it, yes.

I had a little talk with God last night and told Him, "Whatever." But not in the smart aleck way, just that I trust Him with everything and it will all work out okay! If he wants us to have more kids, we will. I did reschedule my "yearly" with a real gyno, not our family doctor. I'll have to cancel my Feb 9th appt. but I now have an appt. this Friday. I wanted to go somewhere that was capable of doing some in-office testing and not be sent around to a bunch of other places. Plus, I feel better going to a specialist in that field again. Tis better to be one of many gyno exams than to be the only one for the day. I do love our family doctor though!! She is so wonderful, a friend and a doctor. Absolutely the best.

So, by Friday, I will know better what is going on with my body. Just in time for my birthday. If I am pregnant, this will be a Sept. birthday which is hilarious considering we have June, July and August kids now. However, I really don't think I am. I have major symptoms when pregnant-mostly early weight loss and uncontrollable hunger. Neither of those present. (Losing weight because of giving up M.Y. doesn't count.).

LATE.

And I don't mean for dinner. I suppose I should 'fess up. I am about 2-3 weeks late and since I've only been late three times, I am especially freaked out. My tubes were tied about 6 months after Lilly was born. Erik is giddy at the prospect, I am not. I took a pregnancy test which was negative. I know that does not really mean anything-since I had a false negative with Erika. However, I am not gonna go out and buy 4 more. (At least I am gonna try not to) I am concerned it is something much more serious-or maybe it is just the beginning of a more irregular cycle and is nothing serious.

Soooo, there is reason for the lack of bounce in my step and the somewhat comatose behavior. I am scared, plain and simple. (That prayer in your office was earnest Steph. R!) VERY scared. God has over-rode every other form of birth control I have ever used-but this felt permanent. My biggest fear of all is that I could not have a healthy pregnancy with my tubes tied. A tubal pregnancy would be devastating in every way.

I would appreciate your prayers. I have a Dr. appt. on Feb. 9th. I turn 36 on Feb.3. This is gonna be a tough two weeks.

AUNT FLO AUNT FLO-I miss you!!

Bible Study

I started the new "Stepping Up" Bible study by Beth Moore. I am really liking it. I am notorious for not actually doing my Bible study-most of my workbooks are empty, wait make that full of doodles. I still get a lot from Bible study and discussions. Especially the Beth Moore ones which have a 1 hour video accompaniment. Anyhoo, I have high hopes that this one will be different. I listened to the "Songs of Ascent" today on my audio Bible and they just kept being songs we sing in church. I think that is really neat. Perhaps that knowledge will make them mean alot more to me as we sing in church. Singing the same songs that early Christians sang makes them a little more precious. I like to know "the story behind the music".

Blue Like Jazz is still being digested by my brain. I may need to start a book club or something. Traveling Mercies is so far not having the same impact-but still an interesting read.

I am determined to finish my laundry today and make a fine supper this evening. So I'm off of here.

Have a blessed Saturday with your families!!

Good News/Bad News

Good news is that we are finally finding our niche on schoolwork and getting things done.
Bad news is part of that niche involves me sleeping to at least 8 and sometimes 9.

Good news is that the kids are not sleeping that late.
Bad news is that the kids are not sleeping that late.

Good news is that I am getting to bed earlier lately.
Bad news is that earlier means 12 instead of 1 or 2.

Good news is that my kids watch TV to occupy themselves until I awaken.
Bad news is Valtrex and Cialis sponsor all daytime programming.

Good news is our calendar is pretty clear and my coma-like existence is not harming us.
Bad news is my coma-like existence.

Good news is my coma-like existence is still keeping up with most everything I need to.
Bad news is my coma-like existence.

Good news is there is crippling cold to blame my coma-like existence on.
Bad news is my coma-like existence.

Good news is I have a Dr. appt. coming up for an extensive check-up.
Bad news is it is not until the second week in Feb. and I feel like I am on Thorazine.
Good news is I am not and have never been on Thorazine.
Bad news is I worry they may prescribe Thorazine.
Good news is, I'm only joking-I'm much too lethargic for Thorazine.
Bad news is I think it could be more thyroid issues.
Good news is that is nothing new.
Bad news is that is nothing new.

Good news is this blog is finished now.
Bad news is I request your prayers as I really do feel very off. Thank you!!

Bitterly Cold

Oy with the poodles already!! (I am still working my way through Gilmore Girls-up to season 3 now!) IT is COLD here. As I type cold, I realize that I want it to be a purple-ish blue color with icicles on it-so you get the picture. Now I also hasten to add, we are wimpy about cold weather in KY. It is only in the teens. There is spitting snow-but nothing of substance. It is just that we are so spoiled to moderate winters that when a cold snap blows through, we remember why we keep a heavy winter coat. At least 2 or 3 weeks(not all in a row either-alternating with 40-50 degree days) a winter, we NEED it. I am thankful we have good cold winter bursts because:

• The mosquitoes and fleas would be worse in summer.
• We spend more time in prayer.
• We appreciate, love in fact, the warm spurts all the more after a cold spell.
• Of course, something to blog about.
• No parking lot chatting. (oh wait-I don't like that)
• I, the queen of "GO!" hole up in my home and semi-hibernate.
• We obtain pity from Californians who erroneously compare us to real cold weather.
• We have lots of scarves.
• We become a very cuddly, snuggly family.
• School work gets done in a timely manner with minimal complaints.
• The dog does not come home with muddy paws-WOOHOO! (We are considering mutlucks .)
• I catch up on many episodes of Gilmore Girls.

Cool, huh...

I, in the substitute teacher/lab tech role, got to help a couple of high school boys dissect a rat.

Okay, now I am reading Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott, another long recommended book. I hope it is as impactful as the last one.

Yesterday, Erik and I worked together to get the wall in our dining room finished. Now we have only trim to contend with. Erik and I have decided to spend a bit more time and energy on our house and finishing some projects that need to be taken care of. I can't help but think getting some of our huge clutter out has paved the way to actually noticing that we could make our house look very nice. I have started alot of projects only to find that they require skills that I do not have. It is frustrating to discover I have to have help to finish, especially for Erik who never agreed to do the project in the first place. So anyway...baby steps to making it better.

In between poring over Blue Like Jazz and getting ready for co-op tomorrow, I am boxing up things to deliver to charity. Multi-tasker, extraordinaire. Doing many tasks take the pressure of finishing a task...heehee.

Have a productive Tuesday!!

My notes on Blue Like Jazz

"Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way."

"As silly as it sounds, I realized, late that night, that other people had feelings and fears and that my interactions with them actually meant something, that I could make them happy or sad in the way I associated with them. I suddenly felt responsible. I was supposed to make them happy. I was not supposed to make them sad. Like I said, it sounds simple, but when you really get it for the first time, it hits hard."

"I believe the greatest trick of the devil is not to get us into some sort of evil but rather have us wasting time. This is why the devil tries so hard to get Christians to be religious. If he can sink a man's mind into habit, he will prevent his heart from engaging God. I grew up going to church, so I got used to hearing about God. He was like Uncle Harry or Aunt Sally except we didn't have pictures."

"I rage against American materialism in the name of altruism, but have I even controlled my own heart? The overwhelming majority of time I spend thinking about myself, pleasing myself, reassuring myself, and when I am done there is nothing to spare for the needy. Six billion people live in this world and I can only muster thoughts for one. Me."

"I would hear about grace, read about grace and even sing about grace, but accepting grace is an action I could not understand. IT seemed wrong to me not to have to pay for my sin, not to feel guilty about it or kick myself around. "

After watching an older woman pay for groceries with food stamps. "...I realized that is was not the woman who should be pitied, it was me...I wanted to buy her dignity. And yet, by judging her, I was the one taking her dignity away...I love to give charity, but I don't want to be charity...Who am I to think myself above God's charity?"

"Our behavior will not be changed long with self-discipline, but fall in love and a human will accomplish what he never thought possible...by accepting God's love for us, we fall in love with Him, and only then do we have the fuel we need to obey. In exchange for our humility and willingness to accept the charity of God, we are given a kingdom. And a beggar's kingdom is better than a proud man's delusion."

"...rather than the church serving itself, the church is serving the lost and the lonely."

"Authenticity...I love this because by being true I am allowing people to get to know the real me, but it feels better to have people love the real me than the me I invented."

"Don't hold grudges against any other churches. God loves those churches almost as much as he loves yours."

"The most difficult lie I have ever contended with is this: Life is a story about me...There is no addiction so powerful as self-addiction."

"If a person senses that you do not like them, that you do not approve of their existence, then your religion and your political ideas will all seem wrong to them. If they sense that you like them, then they are open to what you have to say."

"When I talk to somebody there are always two conversations going on. The first is on the surface...whatever our mouths are saying. The other is...on the level of the heart, and my heart is either communicating that I like the person I am talking to or I don't. God wants both conversations to be true. If both conversations are not true, God is not involved in the exchange, we are on our own, and on our own, we will lead people astray. The Bible says that if you talk to somebody with your mouth, and your heart does not love them, that you are like a person standing there smashing two cymbals together."

"Love your neighbor as yourself...I would never talk to my neighbor the way I talked to myself, and that somehow I had come to believe it was wrong to kick other people around but it was okay to do it to myself...strength, inner strength comes from receiving love as much as it comes from giving it."

These are my highlights of the book. There are many more. There is a whole chapter on a group of Christians apologizing to an entire group of people over the sins of other Christians which was very powerful. These highlights though, are things that stood out to me in a big way-like I need to incorporate them into my life way, especially these last two. I think I have given myself permission not to like some people and that is not a message I am comfortable living. I want God to be involved in all of my interactions with other people. I have judged and dismissed many people in 35 years instead of loving them. I don't want to waste time condemning myself for it, but I don't want it to continue either.

Excellent Read

I highly recommend this book. While I think the author is a bit trippy, the message is sound and inspiring. It was good to read. I am now comforted by the fact that I am not the only one disappointed with the trappings of the institution of "church". I do not believe churches are doing the work of God. We are not about our Father's business, we are about "church" and ourselves. AND YET, I still feel like that is where I am supposed to be. A catalyst-praying for changes and helping to change things slowly. A CHANGE AGENT, if you will. HAHAHAHA-C of C humor there, the rest of you can just scratch your head. Our church is full of them and I love it. We are "evolving"(really poor word choice but accurate) into a group that I know pleases God.

I am re-reading Blue Like Jazz. I am taking notes this time and I plan to share some of those notes on here-not for you as much as for me. Things I need to reflect on. This is my journal, you know.

So we are having a work day/school day after all. I thought we would do other stuff since hubby is off today, but we are just business as usual. Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. day. He was an awesome and Godly man. I share his dream.

No mail-don't fall for the trickster parents who send you out to fetch it. We do this every holiday. I'll let you know who falls for it. Kayla it is. Hee hee. They all fall for it!! There is much chuckling in the land.

Sloth...again

I was gonna write another post, but seeing that cute little sloth reminded me I left my blankie right on the couch and the spot is vacant. Have I ever told you that I hibernate a bit in winter? I'm reading Blue Like Jazz and it is great so far, I'll let you know if I like it all the way through (I predict I will!) ! Reading while hubby watches football and the kids play video games...sweet!

The Beloved Sloth

Oh my, we have had a glorious slothful day today. Nothing but TV and snuggling and the most minimal of chores. Slothfulness rocks. Especially on days where an arctic blast is moving through. Hubby, sadly, had to work as is customary on Saturdays. Wah. I wish everyone could go the weekend without mail and he could have Saturdays off, but I don't think this will ever be a possibility. So, when he got home, he joined us in slothville. The girls did get a dime's worth of playtime outside. It did not take long for them to make their way back into the house.

One more load of laundry to fold and I am off to beddy-bye. Hope you enjoyed a slothful day as well-if not, plan one soon!!

Holding Fast...

To my last post. I appreciate your kind words, but you just don't understand the depths of my coveting. It is a joy robber and I am going to intentionally "nip it in the bud". I will have to be very diligent about it too. Already, no fewer than ten things have come to my attention that I have been "not included" in. IT would be easy for me to mope and complain about it. To feel hurt and angry. AND IT WOULD BE POINTLESS. Most of the things have already happened. It won't change anything to stew about it. Changing my attitude makes more sense.

I also went to the library yesterday to escape my family for a little while (after taxi-ing a kid to chorus). I am so angry and disillusioned most of the time. My expectations are almost always unmet leaving me in a place of frequent anger. My children and spouse are not going to ever realize the full extent of my sacrifices. They won't immediately "rise up and call me blessed". In fact, if my attitude consistently stinks, they may never.

So my coveting is really wrong for me. I cannot allow myself to compare what I don't have to what someone else has. It is killing me. It is stealing my joy to look around at all the wonderful "partnership" marriages and always rank mine less than. I don't know their struggles. In fact, they may not have any. They may be the happiest most perfect couple in the world. That should not mean anything at all to my marriage. I am crazy in love with my husband and he is a good man. I am a good wife. We have made it through some really tough stuff-stuff that would have unraveled a less stubborn couple. We have watched friends divorce and other friends survive even worse things than we have. Marriage is far too hard for me to bring a whole other dimension of struggles into it. So I have decided to love and appreciate my family more. REALLY. Especially my husband. Oh and in all fairness, thank you God for nudging Beth Moore to post that her husband doesn't always attend church with her and that her marriage has not always been good. While it should not have any bearing at all-I needed to know God was using someone who doesn't have it all perfect. God is much more about individual relationships than He is using "powerhouse perfect families". I know this but sometimes sitting in church feeling like I'm just not quite good enough wears on me!! Church is not about me. Why do I continue to make it about me?

I am also loving my children more, even when they fight, misbehave and are generally seeking to make me crazy. I must not allow them to succeed. They really just want love and attention. Repeat that last sentence 23 times before exploding.

Thanks for letting me rant a little.

The Tenth Command

The Bible, NIV-Exodus 20:17 "You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."

From Merriam Webster's Online: "covet 1 : to wish for earnestly 2 : to desire (what belongs to another) inordinately or culpably, to feel inordinate desire for what belongs to another "

Ahh yes, the easy command. No one struggles with this one, right? WRONG. It dawned on me the other day as I was polishing my halo, this command is my hardest one. This is my sin of comparison. It is NOT a sin to compare, unless you do it as I do it. So now, because confession is good for the soul, I will give you my top examples of how I covet.

1. I covet the behavior of other children. When mine are having a bad day (or I am), it is not uncommon for me to look around for other children who are behaving nicely and using good manners. Then I wish with all my might that my kids would behave better-like that kid over there. I also covet parenting skills. Especially when I witness a particularly good parenting moment belonging to someone else.

2. I covet the behavior of other husbands. Especially the ones doing lofty "church work", or changing a diaper, soothing a baby, disciplining a child, bragging on their wife's coking, really-just fill in the blank here.

3. I covet being included. When I walk into a discussion where others are talking about doing something as a group-I lament that I was "left out". I am almost always left out of something somewhere (duh-aren't we all), so this is a bottomless pit of opportunities to covet.

4. I covet a new house. A roomier one. One that is easier to host from. One that has newer stuff in it. One that has the latest trends and styles(think kitchen here). I covet a newer mini-van. (I am such a MOM, what kind of dork admits this?) I would love to have some of the newer features that a new van would bring into our lives. With this comes coveting for a new truck for my husband because we would need something to pull the boat if we get a new van. I covet new clothes. I would love to be more stylish and garner some fashion compliments.

5. I covet a new body. Sized 8. I would like toned muscles and nice arms.

So, what is the problem with these? Don't we all feel this way sometimes? Janjanmom, you are being a little too hard on yourself. Perhaps you believe, as I was taught, that to covet means you wish you had it and the other person had nothing. So just wanting something does not indict you of coveting. And this is where I beg to differ. Re-read my list. Does admitting I covet those things make me think less of some of the most wonderful blessings in my life? YES, it does. Therein lies the sin.

Constantly comparing my children and husband to other husbands and children is comparing their worst (which I know) to the best of another whose worst I don't know. I can't think of a better way to take them for granted or sell them short. If I am consistently focused on others, my focus is wrong. I should be helping, shaping, molding, loving my own family (and all sorts of other "-ings"). I should not lift them up, examine them, compare them and declare them "LESS THAN" and yet that is what I do when I covet the behavior of other husbands and children. Satan has me right where he wants me if my family never quite measures up to another. Perhaps, as some have, I might decide to chuck it all and start over. Then he wins, because it is his desire to break apart families. If I am honest, my husband and children have just as many times of being wonderful as they do of not being wonderful. It really isn't fair to focus on their faults. Also, sometimes if I were different-they would be too. Life is not Burger King, we don't get everything "our way".

Coveting being included has my focus on selfishness. If other people go out to dinner together, were they planning on doing that as a way to leave janjanmom out? Since the entire world revolves around me-the answer is yes. All people everywhere who get together without me do so only to make me feel inferior and left out. If I believe that, then I must also thoughtfully consider every possible friend I have and how it might make them feel before I plan anything. I don't want that, and I also don't want to force my friends to consider my feelings before they do anything. (Okay, I do-but I confess that is not correct thinking.)

The new things I covet??? Are just stuff. I've got plenty of stuff. Too much stuff, in fact. My overabundance of stuff complicates my life. I don't have to look very far to find people with less and people with more. What are we doing with it all? It all belongs to God. Am I using it for HIS glory or my own?

The body I covet?? Well we all get a body at birth, don't we? If I have messed mine up, I kind of have to own that. The size 8 one that I want requires some maintenance that I have chosen not to prioritize. If I were given a size 8 body tomorrow, how long would it take me to change it into the one I have now? If I would maintain it and keep it wonderful, why don't I just convince myself I have a size 8 body now and then work to find it. If I wouldn't change anything at all, I really have no right to be unappreciative of the body I have now.

The sin of coveting is the sin of being unappreciative. God has given me so many wonderful blessings. If I am constantly looking around and comparing my blessings to other people's blessings, the how on earth could I say a sincere "Thank You" to God for them. If my marriage is not as wonderful as another, perhaps it is because I am too busy studying everyone else's more than I am studying how to make mine better. If my kids misbehave and get on my nerves, perhaps it is because I fill my life with coveting better behavior instead of nurturing it. In the same way Satan will always bring to my attention those people who have what I want-God will also remind me of my blessings and responsibilities. So coveting is just choosing to listen to Satan.

Snow and More!

My camera can take pictures at night!! I love that you can see the big fat snowflakes falling. I also love that this started while we were in church and when church was over, there were snowball fights. Especially when we got home. 'Tis cool to live on a hill. At first, I said to the girls one sled down the hill and then it's in and time for bed. Then the kid in me thought better of it and decided to let them change into warm clothes and live it up. Good thing too. While it was awesome last night, overnight the snow turned to rain and this morning it was merely lightly snow dusted mud. So we have snowball fights and late night sledding to savor today.

Class at church last night was very good. The study of minor prophets does not sound at all like it could be interesting, but it has been. (Atta boy, Mike) Last night the discussion covered loving people we don't want to-I mean really don't want to. Like murderers and pedophiles and democrats(I'm KIDDING!). People who look bad, smell bad, and are nothing like us. People that society gives us permission to hate and write off. Like Jonah did to the Ninevites. Anyway, it was an awesome discussion. I am glad we are a church striving to be different. It is hard to break out of the molds we are in. It is hard to love people who are hurting, lost and written off. Especially for me. It isn't that I don't feel strongly about helping them-it is that my opportunities are pretty non-existent in my insulated little world. Nor am I desperately praying and seeking for people to share Christ with. I'd like to think this little blog could save the lost and impact the world-but really it is what it is, my little selfish corner of the www. A place to muse about my family and my life. Not that I don't meet wonderful people and love it beyond the words-it just is what it is.

I think I may need to get out more. {shudder}

Bucket List!

It all started with HULA GIRL, then JASON came up with a variation of the list and I decided to make my own list because I am a lemming.

THINGS TO DO BEFORE I KICK THE BUCKET!!

1. Read through the entire Bible. I am ashamed to say I never have. Not even the entire New Testament. I have made several good starts. I even have the entire thing on CD thanks to Banana Reese's cups and an American Family Radio "Snack of the Day"contest-but I still haven't heard the entire thing. (Now, I have to clarify that the discs are MP3 discs and they won't play in my old van CD player or I totally would have listened to it all!!)
2. Go on a Disney Cruise with my family. I have always wanted to go on a cruise with my husband and now we have children. I don't really want to wait until they are grown at this point but that may be what we have to do.
3. Write a book. This is a life long dream that scares me to death. I have tons of ideas floating around-but I am scared if I start- it will just be one more thing I started and did not finish. I don't want it to be that so I just don't start.
4. Catch up on my scrapbooking OR just put pics in some kind of order in photo albums. Scrapbooking has become quite overwhelming to me considering I am 16(35) years behind on it.
5. Go on a vacation with my mom and sisters. I think it would be so much fun. No kids or husbands, just us girls. My family never took vacations growing up and so we never did it. My mom would love traveling!! My mom has never seen the ocean!! Unfortunately, I am not sure the rest of them are up for it. I have mentioned it a few times but no one got fired up about it.
6. Go white water rafting. (Rapids not too fast though!) And also white water canoeing. I've learned my kids like canoeing too so it is just a matter of finding the time and place now.(AND alot of prayer for me because of that whole water fear thing I almost have conquered!)
7. Exploring out west. It is so beautiful!! I would like to see THE GRAND CANYON but I am not so sure my heights-a-phobic self can handle it.(Of course via Route 66-at least what is left of it!)
8. See California. I now have two cousins who live near LA and I am sure between them they could show us all the fun stuff. My only hold up is a darling hubby who does not wish to ever step foot in LA. It is a big hold up.
9. Go to Maine, eat lobster and participate in a clam dig and bake. Now since I don't care for clams, this is a silly thing to want to do-but the experience is what I am after more than the eats. I'll be eating lobster and if I could catch my own-that would be awesome!!
10. Custom build a new home. My aspirations for this home are not lofty. No 10,000 square foot mansion for me-just well-thought out spaces and a rec-room basement(unfinished!)-2000 square feet max. I would gladly settle for an already built home that meets those specs but the location is always the problem(oh and the price). I love where we are now-just not the house. Most of the house I love, just not the plumbing and room sizes.

So I guess I will stop at 10. Most of these involve travel. That does not surprise me. While I would never want to live anywhere but KY (or Evansville-heehee), I love to visit other places!! Any other places. I would also like to go to Europe and Hawaii, but I am not sure those are things I could ever do-I've never been in an airplane(Don't make fun of me JettyBetty!)-I'm willing- I guess- it just seems really scary to me (and too expensive for 5 people!!).

SO WHAT IS ON YOUR LIST? Let me know if you play along!

The Youths

Last night, I sat in on the youth group meeting. The reason was that I was far too tired and lethargic to leave and then come back again. Pitiful, I know. So I was able to "people watch" the youth group. Watching the dynamics of youth interaction was very interesting. The number one thing I noticed is that none of them are comfortable with who they are. They all struggle awkwardly between wanting to be the center of attention and yet not really wanting to be noticed too much either. We have both homeschoolers and public schooled teens and tweens, but there did not seem to be much of a difference between the two. (This two hour teen watching session really has very little scientific basis though.)

They are very comfortable with their group. I am sure the fact that they spend alot of time together has alot to do with that. The older girls in the group sort of take Erika under their wing. I think this is because she is tiny and very loving. I left the group having a good feeling about my daughter's involvement. We are blessed with two couples who work directly with the youth-and they are all 4 wonderful-I love their focus(God and servanthood). There are other grown-ups who also work with the youth who are blessings as well.

Next year I may potentially have two children in the youth group. I have thought about postponing Kayla's involvement, but her advancing development causes me to believe this would not be a wise move. I am still undecided as this will force my oldest child, a late bloomer, into the "younger sibling" role and that does not seem fair. It is also something she has been dealing with since she was three. At first people thought they were twins, for the brief year they were the same size. However, once Kayla passed Erika in height, she became the one people guess as oldest ever since. Even some people who have known us long enough to know better make the mistake.

My children are growing up and I am faced with decisions that will have a huge impact on what type of women they grow into. On one hand, they don't seem alot different. On the other though-I know they are. Erik and I are entering the teen years and this is scary terrain. We come from different ends of the spectrum and neither of us made the wisest decisions. Erik lived with total sheltering and I lived with total freedom. I recommend neither of those but lean more toward total sheltering. Erik did know that his parents truly loved and cared for him, I on the other hand did not feel that. My mom did love me very much-but with total freedom-I felt like no one really cared what I did. I have decided the whole purpose of teenagers is to keep me praying. I am. The world is a scary place for people with no sense of purpose or direction. My prayer is that my kids know Christ and embrace His plans for their life.

-30-

It is finished. The ministry fair was great. It was a wonderful time of visiting, learning what our church is about, and some people even signed up to do work. A success in every way. I wonder what I will do now?

I did not take any pictures, I meant to but between name tags for workers, hot dogs and the fact that my purse was "dislocated" the whole time, I did not get a one.

Random and Odd...

...or Ketch-up.

• Ministry fair set-up was today, although I have been working on it since Wednesday when my wonderful friend Jennifer helped me move tables after co-op. Today went well, it looks nice but isn't too glitzy.
• I came home after set-up and taking my children to eat at Cracker Barrel. I replaced jeans with soft pajama pants and napped on the couch while we finished listening to a fairy audio book. It was delicious nappy goodness. Even better, I woke up to hubby and the kids making supper. My husband has really stepped up to be more helpful in the last two years. I think it is because I no longer consider myself the only person who can do anything right. It is hard to help an ungrateful, nitpicky perfectionist. I'm able to gladly accept help now-and he is gladly helping. Funny how I had to change before he could. Isn't that always the way?
• I arrived at the set-up this morning and wanted to kill Steph. R-seriously drive to her house...but in the end I was thankful for her wonderful idea of hanging signs from the ceiling. Everyone has one now and it looks really good. Of course hers are the nicest so I only threaten her with mild bodily harm. She is just so creative...and inspiring...I hate her, I love her, I'm jealous, I'm glad I know her.
• I have not worked on my elementary school lesson for Sunday School a bit. Guess what I'm doing later???
• I have amazing friends. I am thankful for them. Some of them are wonderful encouragers, others make me laugh, others inspire me to be a better mom and teacher(and decorator). What the Bible talks about in Titus is so essential!! If we don't have women in our lives to "show us the way", help us, encourage us-we would never make it. I am blessed to have a whole bunch of those-but I think it is because God knows I need a LOT of mentoring!!
• I am now going to take a sublingual B-12 vitamin and finish all of my crap for the night. I started it 1 week ago and it does help the "dragging butt syndrome" I struggle with when the weather gets less sunny.

Chatterbox...Gravy

I am such a chatterbox!! Even if I know I don't have time for chatter, I just can't help it. I am dealing with such a word overage that I can hardly stop myself. I have been telling people all week that I cannot talk on the phone long or visit long because I was doing other stuff (co-op, school, ministry fair, JAM). It has been the busyest week in a long time and yet, I have managed to accomplish alot.

This lets me know two things about myself.

1. I am more productive with more to do. This is so odd but true. It seems like it would not, could not be true. But it is. A day with nothing to do leaves me doing nothing. (I still like those days though.)(Nothing is a relative term-housework is always there and done on some level.)

2. Chatter is good for me. Especially if I can reign it in and make it productive. I have chattered alot this week, but because I have been mostly responsible with it, it hasn't kept me from doing things that needed to be done.

It has been a good week and I am sooooo excited about this weekend. Please pray for us. Pray that all goes well. I dream of being an optimist, but I am a pessimist by nature. I am optimistic about this though!! I am trying to keep my expectations at fun fellowship that accomplishes nothing though. Just because I don't want to be doom and gloom Monday morning. Anything that gets done is just gravy, right? Mmmmm, gravy.

Pics are gone, don't like them enough to see them all the time!!

The Whiz

I started going back to an old friend to get my hair cut. Yesterday, he cut my hair and we made plans. Tim did my hair forever ago. BC (before children) and even a time or two after but it was never like it once was. My hair is curly now and every time I dye it dark brown (ash brown specifically) it is pretty for a week or so and then turns into a more orangish color. I don not like the orangish color a bit. We are going to fix it. I have neglected my hair for so long, that I have decided it is time to spend a bit more time and money on it.

Tim is the whiz and nobody beats him. (If you are a Seinfeld fan, you are laughing.) He doesn't wear the cool hat, but he can make my hair look good. I have very unusual hair. It processes quickly and can go all wrong very quickly. He is the only person I would ever trust to do it. He is also my friend and would know instantly if I hated it and begin repairs instantly.

So above is just the first step which was hair cut and teach me to style. This is actually the styling I did-his was better, but that isn't really fair to show his work to compare to my work. So what do you think? I have always done curls or I have done straight. He taught me to just relax the CURLS into softer bigger c u r l s. And I think I like it. Sort of. I really want to buzz it all off into a Susan Powter haircut-but I think my hubby might be a tad disappointed.

When I got home from hair cut and the mall at the incredibly late hour of 9:50, everyone was in bed and today NO ONE noticed the cut or the style change. Gotta love it. I AM the CENTER of attention around here. Just in case you ever wondered why I blog.

Next self-improvement, lose that double chin. Anyone know a good chin chiseler?

Back To Life

Back to reality! Co-op starts back today and we are VERY excited. I wish we were always this excited as schoolwork has been finished since Monday. That never happens.

Have a great day!!

Clarification

BIG TIME!! I am NOT a Hilary fan. AT ALL. I said I hope she wins the primary and since I am a democrat on paper, I will vote for her in the PRIMARY. This is because I think she has absolutely NO SHOT at winning the actual election. Zero. Zip. Nada. And that will mean a REPUBLICAN in the White House, YEAH!! I am conservative republican all the way-however, the pro-life republicans are soft on everything else(like taxes, immigration and lobbies)-so Rudy looks good to me.

Apparently, my tongue-in-cheek was lost on even my closest of friends. I apologize!! And, I apologize to any Hilary fans I might have offended. I haven't forgotten that she and Bill tried to steal White House furniture...and then returned it when confronted. They are the most crooked politicians IN THE WORLD. Scandal surrounds them and always has.

Advanced Auto Mechanics

I love that my husband will get his most prized possessions from his childhood down and play with them with our children. Go Hot Wheels!! Timeless. Priceless.

Here is what my kiddos are doing today. We call it AUTO mechanics.

Ministry Fair-Almost Here!!

Proof that Rudy rules? Jason and I both like him. (He isn't Jason's first pick but he said he LIKED him.) If Ami likes him too, we may have a special candidate that can bring the most unlikely of people together-kind of like blogging.

His 12 CORE ISSUES!!! (That he will keep in front of him at all times.)

BY THE WAY...I do not agree with Rudy on a lot of personal issues, especially religious ones. I am very opposed to abortion, but I also don't think you can legislate morality. Murder is against the law-that law does not prevent it from happening. OF course, doctors aren't out there performing murders either. I hate abortion and think it is pure evil. The mom and child are both victims(And the docs too, for that matter) and I shudder to think of all the awesome people who were not given a shot at making this world better. I digress and really don't want to debate that!! He does support civil unions which I think is a great compromise on the gay marriage debate. I don't think most homosexuals want a religious marriage-they just want laws that protect their unions in the same way marriage does for straight people...my personal opinion which, since I am straight and married doesn't count for alot here. I also think his personal life has been a bit of a mess, HOWEVER, he is a GREAT leader. He runs things well, does what is best for the MOST people and I think he would be a great representative for our country. He will be tough on defense and illegal immigration. He will balance our national budget and work to reduce handouts. He believes in SMALLER government and more STATE RIGHTS, YAHOO!!!!! Can you tell I like him??

Ministry Fair
I am having so much fun micro-managing and planning out every detail of this ministry fair. It is kind of funny that this project, designed to help people find their "gifts" and also get them to step up and serve-has helped me narrow down where I should step in and serve. This week, I am trying to pray specifically and aloud for God to bless this endeavor. I think it has the potential to be a true church "uniter". I am so glad someone casually mentioned this idea in my presence a few months ago. I don't think it was an accident that a CERTIFIED Project Hog(ME) just so happened to be on the listening end!!

It all comes down this Sunday. If you are a prayer warrior, please lift us up!

Surprise!

I'm gonna shock you with this statement, I know. I watched the debates Saturday night. You want to hear something funny? My kids really complained because they had to watch it and then they complained that they had to go to bed before it was over. I'm savoring that. One of my major parenting goals is to raise children who care about their government, who are involved and who vote. It is one of the first questions I ask when I find out a kiddo I know turns 18. I am usually mortified by the answer. 90% of them say no. I was registered on the very day I turned 18. My parents do not vote and probably would not know how. I would teach them if they were not democrats...hahahahahaha. I would teach them and drive them and walk them through it if there were any interest. They say the same thing lots of other people say, "They are all crooks anyway-I don't care who wins.". I am not sure if my dad votes or not, but I would wager money on no. I know my mom and step-dad DO NOT. I digress. I just wanted you to know how strongly my brainwashing is tied to family-read not at all. So I am changing a generation. Also, my husband has been voting for years. When I met him his slogan was, "***k politics, give me a beer." Now he is a registered voter-and he doesn't miss a vote. He was supposed to be resting up Saturday night before a gig, but he was sneaking in some debate watching in the other room. We've come a long way baby. He is also a democrat...so am I. On paper. He asked me if I was gonna change. NO WAY. I can't wait to vote for Hilary in the primary. I am rooting for her too. I want her to win the primary with all of my heart.

So anyway, I hope something I say on here makes you go out to register to vote. And then vote. IT is your right!! I don't even care who you vote for-just vote. This is not a democracy when only 20-30 % of people vote!! It isn't hard to register, but just in case you have no clue-go ask the people where you get your car tags renewed. At our courthouse is is just up the hall a bit. Will they think you are stupid for asking? NO. People come in and ask all day. Will they remember you? NO. People come in and ask all. day. long. It worries me that people don't vote or register to vote because they don't know how and might look stupid.

Back to the debates. First of all, McCain is a democrat and should never be a Republican nominee. My pick for president is Rudy. He is so awesome. He is absolutely the best man for the job. I think he has "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" tatooed on the back of his eyelids. He is effective. He would whip our government into shape. He is a leader. He has no fear. He would never back down from a challenge. HE WENT AGAINST THE MAFIA people!!! AND WON. He cleaned up the house. I want him to be our next president. He is not electable. BECAUSE, he is pro-choice. Most conservative republicans pick their candidates strictly on that issue alone. So, while he is my number 1,2 and 3-I still have to stand behind someone who has a chance of winning. My next choice? Fred Thompson. He is conservative and I like him. HOWEVER, he looks terrible and comes across as a grouchy REALLY OLD man. He looks terrible without his make-up and airbrushing and too many people can't get over that. So that leaves me with Romney, Huckabee or Ron Paul. Ron Paul made me laugh out loud.(That name also makes me think of RUPAUL. LOL.) HE is the most uninformed candidate ever. I think he would probably do a decent job, but it would take him a good 6 months to get over the shock of reality. So I must choose between Huckabee and Romney. I don't care. Either one is fine cause they are both the same. They are both soft on illegal immigration which is a biggie with me. They are both wishy-washy. Huckabee has a little more spunk but he is midline on everything as is Romney.

Democrats...I want Hilary to win. I don't care how many supporters she has, this country as a whole hates her. They enjoy hating her. They will turn out in droves to vote against her. I don't think she has a shot, but she thinks she does. She also totally stole "hard work" from George Bush. And it is not one of his better slogans. I laughed out loud. If I catch her saying "nucular" I will collapse into a giggling pool of ooze.

Who is that Bill Richardson guy? Is he running for president? Hee hee. I don't think he is a viable candidate at all, nor did he perform well in the debates. Barack Hussein Obama. I gotta say, Muslims in your family line scares me to death. I don't believe he is a terrorist, but the ties still concern me. I would never vote for him. I liked him somewhat. I like that he admitted he was splitting his time among watching football and the republican debates. That means he is very different from his cohorts who looked shocked that there was something else on TV. Edwards, be still my heart. I thought you were the Breck girl. A wus. Was I ever wrong. I love that he has a fire burning in his belly about special interest groups and lobbyists. No joke, if we have a democrat-I hope it is him. I really sincerely liked him. Unless he wraps himself up in a big bow with Gore-then I wouldn't like him anymore. Edwards-Obama might be an unbeatable combo, Obama-Edwards too.

So I'm wearing a "Vote for Hilary" button. At least in the primary. Then I have my fingers crossed that Rudy will become pro-life and then he will totally be electable!!

I Didn't Want To Need You...

Thanks for thinking I'm funny. Let me be your clown. I think those nice comments (it's not too late to pipe in) and my good friend's TREE analogy are going to get me through the week. I would tell you the analogy-but it is better to have someone say it of me than to have me repeat it. Let's just say she compared me to a tree in a very lovely way and she now is my BFF. Just kidding-I don't have B FFs, just FFs. (More middle school speak for you.)

We hosted CARE group today and it was so wonderful to have ALL of our members present. (WELCOME HOME!!!!!) It was alot of fun and almost every crumb of food was eaten which makes me wish there had been more, but there was enough and that is really all we need, right?? IT was a VERY tough lesson today. We went around the group and said what we see each person's strengths and assets are. IT went down like this, sit in your spot while everyone says really nice things about you. I was so uncomfortable. I was wishing I were completely covered up with only a peep-hole to look out. Why am I like that? I can handle nice comments on here-but live and in person they just make me want to crawl under the nearest table. As I sat there and resisted the urge to say, "Hah! That shows how well you know me." to all the nice things everyone was saying, I realized if everyone there was bashing me, I think I would have felt more comfortable. How sad and pathetic is that??

I guess I better save up for another round of therapy.

True Confessions

Doesn't that sound so STEAMY? Well, build a bridge and get over it because they are not. I've had a leisurely day today because it is Saturday and they are supposed to be leisurely AND I feel like crap. I have the beginnings of a cold, or the end, it's going to be one of those years where I sport a cold all winter...COLDS are the new black, so I'm in style.

Confession #1

I think I am funny. I crack me up all the time. The only thing that keeps me from falling into a deep dark depression is my uncanny ability to be a total smart a$$. (Does making those dollar signs take away the sting of a bad word? Did you read it "ahhdollarsigndollarsign"-cause that's what I meant for you to read.) So anyway, other people have told me I am funny, quick-witted, etc. and I LIKE IT. I love to laugh-most often I love to laugh with a group of others. Even at my own expense. It is my favorite way to pass time. Do not draw attention to yourself in any way if you ever find yourself in the company of my 3 sisters and I. We tease and laugh until we are crying and then we laugh some more. IT is usually at each other's expense or someone else in the room-hence the aforementioned warning. In the past ten years, I have tried to reign it in a little because at times, my humor is very biting, scathing, and entirely WRONG. So I often only think it instead and then plead to God to forgive me for laughing and at least I did not say it aloud. I am funniest when I am heckling. I just can't help it. Listening to long speeches brings out the heckler in me. Even reading sometimes brings it out. Songs. Movies. Classes at church. I think this is why I enjoy the blogosphere soooooooo much. We bloggers are just hecklers and it is embraced! We love to "heckle" in the form of a comment. Comments are my favorite part of blogging. Now, I love a well-placed encouragement comment too. I love that you fellow bloggers always know which comment is called for. So today, leave me a comment if you think I am funny OR heckle me if you don't. I promise to laugh either way. In case I sidetracked you-the confession is that I think I am funny.

Confession #2

I know almost every word to every song on the HEART-BRIGADE album/CD (What do we call them now?) IT was actually my driving TAPE in the early 90's. I had a very bad-for-me boyfriend and so I took "I Didn't Want To Need You" totally to "heart"(heehee) and sang it loudly and with lots of emotion. ONLY WHEN I WAS ALONE IN MY CAR. (I do not have the gift of a purty voice, so I don't sing alot around other people. However, lately, I am belting out songs whenever I feel like it-much to the dismay of my children. Sometimes Erik and I sing together and he TRIES really hard to sing as badly as I do by using funny voices. He can really sing well-almost every "part"-so this is hilarious.) So anyway, this tape was one of my absolute favorites and when one of these songs comes on the radio-I am transported in time and have complete recall of every word. Of course, most of this tape is not very child friendly, but the song sticks in my head and plays until some other song becomes ingrained in my psyche. Now, most of the time, as you well know, I am talk-radio girl. In the car, I am audio-book girl OR AFR(American Family Radio) girl. (Hulagirl commercials are my favorite-those other competitors DON'T come close to you baby!!)(That is you isn't it??)

So now, two more peices of the complex jigsaw puzzle that is janjanmom. In addition to Meat Loaf, I totally heart Heart. ("We walked in the garden, we planted a tree" "And what he couldn't give me ohohoh was the one little thing that you can-anannnn....." That song makes me LAUGH OUT LOUD!).

We take the cakes!!

Keepers was today and it was soooo difficult. This club is not at all what I wanted it to be. It is just so hard. I want it to work so much and it just doesn't. If I look at each family individually-I love them. I have been friends with most of these ladies for a while-some casually, others much more involved. Only one is a totally new aquaintence. However, mix them all together AND you have the opposite of tongue and groove. It is not an ideal combination. The kids even feel it. In a word it is...AWKWARD. 3 more meetings and a final awards program. I will be shocked if any one signs on for next year.

My biggest problem is that I feel like a total homeschool mom failure. This is all in my head-I do realize that. It just seems as though every other child there is more reserved, respectful, well-mannered, pays more attention to detail, etc etc need I go on. It just seems as though every one else is more confident, scheduled...successful. Then I think about why I homeschool, then I feel happy again to be homeschooling. Until next month, when the meeting topic will be...drum roll please...ETIQUETTE. Talk about a disaster waiting to happen. Lilly has really developed a love for the word FART. I hate it and have mentioned several times that it is to be substituted with another less offending word. That works until she hears someone else say it-at church or a family function-then it takes hold again. I am borrowing trouble worrying about something over a month away-but I just can't help but wonder what fun contributions she will make to the meeting. Here is what I imagine:

"Today we will study about manners and how they are important." Lilly raises her hand.
"Yes, Lilly?"
"My mom says it is rude to fart or even say fart." Then giggle hysterically. No one will giggle or laugh (Except my other children, of course) All the other children will look up and immediately adopt the same look of horror their mother's have. Then there will be the obligatory, "Thank goodness that is not my child!" chuckle. They will comfort me with platitudes about how gregarious she is.

AND then I will spend the rest of the meeting trying to sweep my dignity up off of the floor. At least what I have left after the previous meetings and fiascos. This club is killing my self-esteem with a giant wrecking ball. I'm so glad I decided to start it.

Ketch-up

• The ministry fair "want ads" are finished, printed and stapled. AND, someone else is running them by the church today all ready to be distributed. I only left one job(of course I remembered it at about copy 1000 of 1500) out so out of how ever many there are, that is pretty good. I did not do a final final proofread, so I am sure there are mistakes here and there too, but hopefully my church will give me a little grace. Now we switch gears to food and table lay-out. I am just weird enough to love a big project. "I love it when a plan comes together." Any guesses on what TV show featured that line?? It was a janjanmom favorite growing up.
• Last night was a much needed, much enjoyed Mom's night out. IT started out as three friends getting together, but girlhood dramas on the homefront of one participant brought us down to two. We had good food at Applebees and then, because we are such PARTY ANIMALS did much needed shopping at WALMART. We had fun. Since we both have 3 children, hers younger than mine, it IS a treat to go do shopping without children. We concluded our night a little after midnight, and this morning I did not want to get up-but cakes called me and I had to.
• CAKES are on the agenda for today. A two-layer cake for each one of my three children. (That means 3- 2 layer cakes if you are groggy!!) We are learning cake decorating. This means those cakes may not look like much or they could be gorgeous. Either way, I will have some major cake overflow. I think a quick stop by Hula girls house may be just what the cake fairy needs to do...
• This place is a wreck and I must tend to it while I bake. I felt bad leaving it last night because I worked on those ministry fair papers all day, NO housework was done. IT was awful, then hubby got home and I left. He took over the children, made supper and was glad for me to "get away". Lest you think he is too perfect for words-frozen pizza was supper-and that is because he and the girls love it and I DO NOT-so maybe he is too perfect for words. Anyway, the housework remains but I would be so refreshed if I had not stayed out so late...I don't think I can complain though! Lilly even let Toby out this morning which means I got to sleep until 15 o 'clock.

Fun New Fact

You know those people who play "clock games"? The ones who have no clock set the same way, most of them set ahead anywhere from 5 minutes to 45 minutes? Those weird people who make you glad you wear a watch OR nowadays, carry a cell phone(the cool person watch)? You know the ones I mean??? That's us. Even the vehicles clocks are not set to current time. We do this in hopes of not merely being on time, but being *GASP* early. The bedroom clocks are the worst-at least 30 minutes ahead but possibly more like 45. Hubby has his set to trick him into immediate action and because I am a lemming(or too OCD to handle two different times looking across the bed at each other), I set mine for exactly the same time. Yes, this is leading somewhere, Smartypants!

Now that you know the clock quirk in my bedroom, you can imagine how disoriented to time I am when I wake up. Couple this with the fact that my children brag that they get up at 6AM when it is really more like 7:15(They are NOT even looking at clocks-just the fact that the sun is not fully up yet.)(HELLO-if the sun is not up yet, stay in bed!!!!!!!)(Don't get me wrong, that is still amazingly early for kids who would certainly be allowed to sleep in!!), I never really know what time it is until I turn on the radio.

Next tidbit of TMI? Hubby and I are snugglers. I snuggle with him when I come to bed because he is my own personal heater. I am always freezing and he is always soooooooo warm. Then, once he is throwing off covers because he is on fire, I roll over to my side of the bed and we sleep each on our own side. (I am leaving out some mighty fine details in there-MIGHTY FINE...you're welcome) In the morning time, hubby is the snuggler. He usually wakes up and bear hugs me if he has some extra time to do so. On his days off, I wake up hugged and I LOVE IT.

Fianlly, I am ready to share my story. This morning, my dog woke me up about 5:30(refer to clock craziness which means I have no idea what time it really was). It was COLD last night. Teens cold. I walk him to the door and Toby said, "Nevermind, it's too cold. I don't have to pee." (He says the same thing when its raining.) So I grabbed him by the collar and said, "Oh no you don't. It is cold and I was sleeping very well. You don't get to wake me up like that and then not go out." I'm soooo sweet like that. Not a selfish bone in my body. So out he went and I went to pee as well and then folded the towels on the couch until he was done. He was back real quick and came in. We both go back to bed and he is in the bed (not typical) because it was darn cold. He sleeps at the foot of the bed and tries to be inconspicuous because sometimes, if he isn't, Erik makes him go away. When it is cold, he is VERY POLITE and extremely INCONSPICUOUS because he wants to stay.

I lay back down and go directly to death sleep for the rest of my sleep time. I wake up at 8:12(your guess is as good as mine as to what time that really was) and feel hubby snuggled up right next to my back and FREAK OUT because he should have left a long time ago to get to work. (He is not allowed to be late-EVAH.)(So oversleeping would be a BIG deal!!) So I sit up and look over to his side to FREAK HIM OUT TOO!! only to discover that it is Toby. Stretched out full length and snuggled right up beside me as close as he can get. (STILL COLD, I'm guessing!! I'm so glad I don't have to go outside to pee.) So of course, I recover from my freak out, wonder how I did not wake up for my goodbye kiss and go back to sleep. Until like 8:50, which is really really late to sleep in-but in real life time that is only 6:15 or so. YOU DO THE MATH!!

Good morning, cyberfriends!!

Snow
Not enough to amount to anything, but enough to have three little girls squealing and watching out the window, okay 3 little girls and one mom. However, it is a school day and since we don't have bus safety to worry about, snow does not cancel our school. Nor holidays. I am the grinch that stole holiday vacation days. They got to "lay around the shack" yesterday, so today is back to reality.

I have 102 projects going around the house and then the deadline on most of my part of the ministry fair. It is going very well. I have learned that emails must be very specifically sent or there is little response to them. People are so funny. And busy, everyone is soo busy, I wonder what we are all doing?? Hamsters in a wheel? It seems like I am not accomplishing all that much, and yet I work all the time to get that little accomplished. I think Satan smiles at our busyness. He has us right where he wants us. Too busy to do the work of the Kingdom. To busy to love our neighbor. I'm getting back to work, but first, cyberneighbors- I love you!

Shazaam!
I'm a posting fool today!! Too much time alone while the other four members of my family vegged out in front of the tube. It was a glorious day, I have gotten alot done without having to worry about occupying the time of others. I have cooked two nice meals today-spaced out in such a way as to be brunch and lupper. By 5 PM I declared the kitchen closed and have enjoyed its tidiness ever since. I think they enjoyed a day of nothingness together as well. They all definitely needed a break from me!! (Too much of a good thing, you know.)



So, I have been in these pajamas since last night and I am anticipating a glorious bubble bath soon in my nice clean tub. I have also been off and on the computer all day as time has allowed. This means I have been catching up on my blog reading and I am posting now for the third time. Nut.



Anyway, I have to make a special note of Steph R's blog because it is a reminder to me of my recent study in the "How To Love Someone You Can't Stand" book. It seems like just yesterday I was all focused on being nicer, blessing and not cursing, praying for people who annoy me and yet???? So quickly I have slacked right on off of it. Why is it so easy to become distracted and fall right back into an old habit-a sinful one at that??

Also, Jason's story is really challenging me on a subject I have always know I was unclear on. I am way less clear than ever. I do know that Jason is a man of very noble character and he has my complete respect. He tried really hard to follow the "rules".

Finally, Patrick Mead is just knocking my socks off with his anwers to our questions. OF course, he is just a man and can't speak for God-but I love the obvious thought and Biblical study that has so obviously gone into each answer. I also love the way he is handling the attacks and constant scrutiny he faces as a "liberal"(Completely different meaning, y'all. This one means focusing more on grace than works which is not common among C of C) Church of Christ-er.

Naturally, I cannot showcase all the blogs I am reading. I am pretty faithful to my blogroll though. I love the blogosphere!! I love the fact that my husband read my blog the other day and very promptly removed the tree. I did not nag or speak ill of him. He just felt it was something he needed to do. We are communicating more through this blog than any other way. Mostly because I am much much nicer in writing. I have no filter in conversation, no edit button!! I am sarcastic and botchy in real life. Much better to just read. Sorry honey, I am working on it. Also, that botchy-ness is on the slate for the Dr. appt. as well. PMS/thyroid/hormones have all run amuck and it is making us all a bit sick of the crazy shrieking mom. Unfortunately, Hubby gets the brunt. He does, however, also benefit from the ovulation days-so it's all good. ( ;

So anyway, it has been a great year so far. I have almost been nice all day. I have accomplished alot. I will sleep beautifully tonight after staying up late last night and working hard all day. I just love a fresh year. It's even better than a Monday.

Green, Revisited

I have just cleaned both of my bathrooms in the green way. Baking soda and vinegar. As I was doing so, it occurred to me that I have shared what I clean with, but not how. So, I will give you the scoop(or spray as the case may be).

I have a nice spray bottle that is full of vinegar(WHITE-I don't like the apple cider kind, it stinks). Full strength. I use it for everything-wiping down my tables, coutertops, etc. Every fruit or vegetable that comes into my home gets the vinegar shower, soak and rinse. I also use it to clean my floors in a very incorrect way, meaning after I sweep or vacuum, I get all the spots drenched with my spray bottle and wipe them up with a rag. I do not mop. Ocassionally, I do get down on my hands and knees and clean my entire floor with a rag and vinegar. I personally think mopping is very nasty. I do my bathrooms probably about once every two months in this way. Kitchen floor much less often, but it gets spot cleaned way more often than the bathrooms too!

To clean my bathtub, I spray the entire bath tub with vinegar and then sprinkle baking soda all over it. It makes a very satisfying hissing bubbling noise. Then I smear that vinegar/baking soda paste all over the entire tub. Then I let it set for about 1 minute while I do the sink. Back to the tub while the sink soaks. One little wipe takes care of every little bit of soap scum on my tub and makes it shine. I rinse it all off with no worry about drying because it does not spot. Then I do my sink and last is the commode. This leaves my bathroom completely odor free. The vinegar smell evaporates immediately- a natural deodorizer. I have no fear that when I run my ridiculously hot bath, that harsh chemicals are soaking into my enlarged pores, vinegar is completely natural. So is baking soda.

Now, please give it a try. A quart of vinegar is about 55 cents and baking soda is 50 cents. For $1.05, you can afford to give it a try. If you hate it, go back to your corrosive chemicals. Just don't blame me for that rash you get after soaking in the chemical laden tub.

Now, I must clarify something. I do try to be a greenie. However, Al Gore has nothing to do with it. I think he is the biggest hypocrite that has ever ridden in a jet all over the planet. I don't think the entire population of our fine country could ever plant enough trees to offset his "carbon footprint".-THIS IS WRONG FOR ME TO SAY UN-NICE THINGS ABOUT AL GORE-FORGIVE ME. EVEN AL GORE IS ONE OF GOD'S CREATION. However, I don't happen to believe in "carbon footprints" either. I have read my element chart and therefore I know carbon is naturally occurring-not created by me. I do not believe it is possible for human beings to make a big enough impact to cause global warming. I believe we are as insignificant as a cow fart-at least as it relates to the environment.(And I do believe cow farts are as harmless as mine.)(However, having consumed large amounts of veggies all the time-Vegans are definitely producing some bad emissions!!) This planet has been heating up and cooling down since it was created and it will continue no matter what we do. That said, we are lazy gluttonous slobs and I hate it. We have now moved our factories to other countries to pollute their water and land because the rules here got too strict. It makes me furious. Americans are not good stewards of the earth and it is maddening. This planet is the best gift ever. Especially Christians owe it to their creator to keep it as clean and pristine as is possible. I'm trying to be more aware and make better choices. I'm am also a self-confessed hypocrite. This is a hard country to be conservative with trash in. I certainly would not want to live with my garbage for a year-but I bet if I did, I would give more thought to the garbage I am putting through the landfill.

Whew, what a long post. Let me know if you try vinegar and vinegar/baking soda combo. I happen to love it but I am interested in how it works for the rest of you. Also, if you have a laundry detergent or dishwashing detergent alternative, let me know. Vinegar does not cut it for either one-at least in my experience.