Monday, November 28, 2005

Last girl scout meeting till next year!!! Of course, we will be in the Christmas parade Saturday, collecting can goods in the park on Dec 12th, and Christams party on the 19th. But those will be fun things!

I have been a busy little beaver trying to help the people I feel like God has sent into my life. That along with everything else is about to put me over the edge. Now I have done all that is mine to do and I am going to let it all be in his hands. His VERY capable hands. If we can just trust and obey OR obey and trust.

I can't believe how long it has been since my last post. It feels like the days are just being fast forwarded. We had a great Thanksgiving. I enjoyed catching up with my family and planning our Friday shopping. The girls and I decided to give the early bird shopping a whirl. It was an experience!! We will not experience it again. We just are not die hard shoppers and you kind of have to be for that day!! Maybe me and one of the girls, but not all three. It was too much. I did run into Summer Morris and that was neat and totally unexpected. You look great Summer!! Wonderful to see ya! Erika said, "I wish they still went to church with us!" Just want you to know you are missed!

I don't have much time to post, I just did not want go much longer without posting.

Sunday, November 20, 2005


The last two weeks have been all about things coming to an end. My Bible Study ended, Erika's dance class ended, PAC (Paducah Athletic Club)PE has ended, Math Camp ended Friday (Friday went smooth and I had a great day!), Girl Scout regular meetings will end for Dec., and many other things that wrap it up until after the holidays. I am very glad life will slow down a little. I thought I had about run my butt off, but last time I checked-it was all still there..LOL. I hopefully am coming to the end of this cold as well. I have been so beat down it is a struggle to do stuff I really need to do around the house. I prefer to neglect my housework out of sheer stubborn-ness or laziness than to be to tired and weak to get it done. It has been quite a challenge.

I have not felt much like blogging either. I've written a few in my head but couldn't make myself sit down and type them up. This whole blogging thing has been very good for me. I like getting my thoughts out there and really thinking about things. I don't know everyone that is reading, but I know a few of you are and those of you that tell me serve as an encouragement that this isn't just wasted time, I am communicating with several of you all at once. I am a talker by is how God made me. Talking on here about things has made it a little easier to shut up some in other settings and that is always a blessing!! LOL!! I love words, written and spoken. I love talking about everything and nothing. Thanks for reading my thoughts!

A very grisly anniversary is coming up, my friend Beth Sturm was stabbed to death by her boyfriend on Thanksgiving last year. I still can't believe she is gone. She and I had been out of contact, as her life had taken a not-so-good turn. I have so many regrets where she is concerned. I feel like I turned my back on her when she needed me most. I think about that often. I met her when I was about 20 and my life was so completely screwed up that I still can't believe I made it out. She was such an anchor for me. She had her struggles, but she was an unwavering source of faith and God for me. She never judged even though I was doing everything I was big enough to do as far as trouble goes. She watched me come out of that, straighten up a little, and then I met Erik at her house when I was about 21 1/2. She could not believe we hit it off. She and her husband Pete were actually trying to fix Erik up with their neighbor and I just so happened by after work as I often did. She assured me Erik was a good guy, but she thought we would have to work through alot of issues and she was completely right. Even in all of that, she was kind, loving and non-judgmental. She was the perfect example of friend to me. She and Pete were the best man and matron of honor at our wedding. Their daughter Kirsten was our flower girl. It was a wonderful day and they were so wonderful to us. We did alot together those first few years. They were on a Christian path and we were not but they included us anyway. Always mentoring. When Beth started going through another bout of bipolar issues, I pretty much disappeared from the scene. I had never known that side of her and I just did not want to deal with it. It was too scary to watch someone I loved wreck her life. She did too. She and Pete had a second daughter and she was probably about 4 or five when She and Pete got a divorce. I know the whole family had been through hell together and it just got worse after that for Beth. She went on to have another daughter with another man and this daughter was about 4 I think when Beth was murdered. It is so hard to watch someone you know slip into a life that doesn't fit. If I could turn back time, I would get in there and try to talk her back. I would try to include her and help her get back on track the same way she patiently guided me. I hope and pray that there is some kind of curve that God grades on for those who are metally ill. Beth was the most gracious Christian I have ever known. She taught me all I know about hospitality and unconditional love. I owe her alot. I miss her alot. Please pray for her family as they go through the holidays. It will be hard this year as they remember all that has past.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Wow!! I have really been running like crazy since my last post!! Friday was PAC day (our homeschool PE at Paducah Athletic Club) and it was quite exciting. Lots of people were there and I was finalizing all the plans for the Math Camp that was Monday Nov 14th and will have part 2 on Nov 18th. Erik was off because it was Veteran's Day so that always makes our day more fun. He swam with the kids so I did not have to, so that is always a treat, I got to have a gab session with the other moms.

Erika's dance recital was Saturday and they did so good!! They also danced one song at the Hope Unlimited banquet Thursday noght and that was really good too. Their dance teacher is so smart, she has them in all white, white leotards, white long skirts,white hair thingy and flowy white things attached to their sleeves. That makes them look so pretty that you don't notice when they misstep. It is an awesome sight and this time it was about the birth of Jesus so it got the Christmas thoughts going! We have really enjoyed our dance class. Hopefully we can get Kayla back in next time!

Saturday was the telethon and Erik played CC Cohen as well because he is a glutton for punishment. He played there from about 10-12:30 and then played the telethon from 5AM-5:30AM. He got about 45 minutes sleep because he gets excited and can't sleep anyway. We did make it to both church services anyway. We did not do much else though!

Monday was Math Camp and parts of it went great. The multiplication camp was great and the pre-math was too. Addition/Subtraction Camp was a disaster. 11 kids with about 11 different skill levels. Almost all the games/activities I had planned were over their heads, so that always makes for happy moms. It was supposed to be set up for kids who had almost mastered add/sub and needed something to push them to the next level. Alot of the kids involved needed to be taught add/sub so that did not go well. Luckily one of the other moms is going to organize the activities for Friday. The most important thing though, even though some parents were extremely critical, all of the kids had fun and they are excited to come back again!

I woke up today feeling very lousy. My head is full of snot and my throat hurts. We are off to Walmart to get nyquil and I will retire to the couch this evening. Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow. I have been running non-stop and eating junky food so that usually catches up with me!!

I am glad the storms missed us and I am glad my kids were not stuck in a hall with a bunch of other kids hunkered down and scared to death of a storm. Homeschool has so many rewards! We got school done and had a little storm shelter set up under our table and they just hung out under there (for about 20 minutes) and read books, all calm, no stress. Cameron, the little boy I babysit, said they did not do anything really at school all day and all the kids were freaked out most of the day.

Still working on the TV thing, but today has been an exception because I feel so lousy! I should get in the word instead, I will try that after Walmart!

Friday, November 11, 2005

I bet America is the only country whose citizens are more plugged into pretend people (TV, movies) than real people. We fret and wonder over what will happen to Abby on ER while our neighbors lives may be falling apart. We care more about our "friends" on TV than we do our real live friends(or family). I have definitely been more interested in staying home and watching a show(or worse, flipping through all the channels and watching nothing!) than getting out and being around people. I am trying to do better, but it takes alot of thought and consideration. Sadly, sometimes when I am out with people, I talk about TV...that is pitiful! As I am trying to be more useful to God, the character flaws are coming out like you would not believe. Hopefully there will be very little Janice left when he is done with me. If I were not so stubborn, we could have been done with all this years ago. I am trying to break the TV habit but it is very hard to quit. It is so entrancing...gotta get off of here...time for Frazier... I love that Daphne...LOL! Keep praying for me, I am slowly evolving into a real LIFE!

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

OKAY~ NOW WHAT??? I prayed for God to send me someone to minister to and I have 4 people who have immediate needs. This always happens with me. Then I get depressed that the world is so horrible. I get overwhelmed that I am limited in time, money and skills(in that order). I get depressed again because I can't help everyone. I fantasize about what I can do someday. I tell myself I can teach my children how to serve by making them go with me...I really think about what I would be subjecting them to and the cycle repeats. Then I look around at my house and mount washmore, the paper clutter I need to conquer, and whatever project I am working on and I try to imagine how I could ever help anyone else. Then I tell myself I can't even help me much less anyone else. Then I get depressed again trying to figure out who can help these people that I know need it. I hate this merry-go-round.

I am going to just keep praying. Ordinarily, I give up and just accept all the aforementioned limitations. Lately though I detect a pattern and I think maybe this is a spiritual battle. I must first and foremost submit myself to God and trust that he will send me people that I am capable of helping. Perhaps the 4 people are just distractions to keep me from the person/persons God means for me to minister to. Pray for me. I want to be effective for him.

Social Studies fair tonight was so enjoyable. I really liked seeing everyone's kids doing their presentation. I just love our group, it is soooo diverse. My girls did very well. They worked as a team on their project and their presentation. Despite what they say and how they act, I know they are a team and are comforted by one another in many ways. I almost feel bad that I did not have a sister for Lilly to be closer in age to...ALMOST...she does have the joy of two older sisters. Going to bed now, tomorrow is stay-at-home day and after a day like today, I am looking forward to it!!

Saturday, November 05, 2005

I have been wracking my brain trying to come up with something I have truly sacrificed for God. I can't come up with anything. I walked away from a sinful life because it was empty and a lie. I turned to God for peace and a new beginning. He has given me both. What have I given him? I do serve often, but usually with the wrong spirit. I can't think of any of my convictions that I have down. I still get angry and rant at times, I still overeat, I don't have quiet time with God in the word. I was thinking about the story of the good samaritan, specifically the veggie tales version...the song they say as they pass the victim is "I'm busy, busy, shockingly busy. You've no idea what I have to do...I'm busy, busy, dreadfully busy. Much, much to busy for you!" That is me. I am flying everywhere, usually 5 minutes later than I intended. I could pass wounded people in a ditch a hundred times a day and never even see them. That is a truly relevant parable to us in today's world.(I guess they all are!LOL)

I am praying this week that I will make more time for God and people. I don't want to be so caught up in the busyness of life that I miss the people I am supposed to be Christ to. I want to sacrifice myself for Christ. True confession-I really don't want to at all...but I am praying that I will want to!! Have a great weekend!

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Today was Bible Study day, always uplifting!! We have completed our study ) : I am sad to see it go because I did not get into it like I wanted to, the bookwork anyway, I always discuss. I am always starved for conversation since my husband is soooo chatty. It is OK though, he has other redeeming qualities (good father, good husband, good work ethic, enjoys family type things, slow to anger, dimples, handsome) These are just in case he were to read this-I don't think he would though. Men of few words don't really like to read things-too many words. Funny but true story. I should start by saying that his mail route is all businesses, so he makes small talk all day long. He is completely out of words when he gets home, so we don't expect alot of conversation from him. I think that is why God gave Erik 3 girls-so he would not have to talk!! The other day he worked hisday off on someone else's route. He came home and talked almost nonstop all the way through supper. After supper, one of the girls commented that Dad sure was talking alot. I laughed because I had noticed it too and I told her that normally Dad used all his words up at work and did not have any left over when he got home. I further added that on this day he only saw 2 people on his route, so he had lots of words to use up before bedtime. He really laughed then, I think because there was so much truth to it and he knew it!! It is ok though, he used to be very shy before he delivered mail. He has alot more self confidence than he used to. Now he doesn't talk because he prefers not to, not because his self-esteem won't allow it. It is a good change.

The girls and I went to Burger King today after dropping off some things at the consignment sale. An interesting thing happened there. God taught me a lesson in impressions, specifically wrong ones. I actually saw my family through someone else's eyes and it occurred to me how I would have judged us...lost and wordly. There was only one other child there besides us and he was with his grandmother. We made the usual chit chat about how kids love to scream, be loud, and play really rough sometimes. Then Lilly starts banging on the big plexiglass tunnel window, but with a distinct beat. I said, "You can tell her daddy is a drummer!!" She said, "Oh, so he practices at home alot, that must be interesting." I said, "Oh no, he is in a band and they play out alot so he doesn't have to practice." The next thing I know my girls are having a "dance party" on the top step platform of the play area and doing every dance move they know and singing "do-it, do-it, whoo whoo do-it do-it whoo whoo" loudly. They were doing the swim and the twist and every other move they could think of. She spoke to me no more. She did not even look my way again, but busied herself in a some papers she had brought. I wanted to say, hey, wait a minute-my kids are referring to the dances they are doing...they don't know what "do it" means and my husband is in a band with Lew Jetton and they are all family guys with other jobs not party-all-nighters. I wanted to say, "We are Christians and I just came from Bible Study!!" I said nothing though. I sat there, wrongly judged and felt bad for all the times I had jumped to conclusions in judging other people. God quietly worked on my heart while someone else proclaimed me not worthy of conversation. I have not had that happen to me in a long time. I think I had forgotten how bad it feels, even if it is a stranger you will never see again. I walked out of there a different person. God help me to show your glory and your UNENDING mercy in everything I do. I want to always have WWJD branded in my heart. He would never make someone feel less than. He died for all of us. We should stop to remember that more often. I know I will. Even the people who smell bad, have gross dirty hair, have "F*** YOU on their shirt. If Christians who are called to love don't love them anyway, who will?

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Day after Halloween...candy hangover. Erika was a 50's girl, Kayla was a spa princess, and Lilly was a flapper. They were all cute and everyone chose/designed their own costume. They did well. I encourage them to try to be something creative. We walked through Halloween Express and I am almost on board with not celebrating Halloween because of all the CRAP out there. It is really fun to dress up...I don't know why it has to be so gross/sexy/satanic!

Lilly keeps varying between "Is Hallowen over? and "Why do they still have their decorations up, Halloween is over!" She and I spent most of the day together without any other family members. Erik had the big girls with him all day-bonding. Lilly and I have not hung out alone in quite some time and she was quite fun and well-behaved. (Lightbulb-maybe our kids need more one-on-one with us) I got to get my blood sugar checked this morning and also my thyroid. Lilly loves to watch me get bloodwork done. Once they said to her "Do you want to draw Mommy's blood?" and I swear her whole face lit up. She really wanted to. This is the same child that is petrified of the dentist...and shots...and getting HER blood drawn. Doctor Lilly. Blood sugar was great-92-and considering how much candy I have had the last 3 days, that is remarkable. I am a timebomb. My mom developed borderline diabetes at 35. Her mom died of diabetes about age 38(Times were different then though). I have every intention of losing weight, getting more organized and becoming a better housekeeper. I am trying to do it real slow though, otherwise I might come across too haughty. Hopefully no one even notices my great efforts, it keeps me humble.

Working on our Social Studies fair project. We have decided projects and now just must do them in the next week. The report parts are fairly easy. The projects gray your hair up. Tomorrow is a new day and I am glad. Thank you God for giving me new mercies every morning. I'm already negative by about noon(as in outta mercies, but otherwise too sometimes!) Had a wonderful friend pray with me via phone today about the chaos within me lately. I have felt better ever since. I am so glad God answers prayers. It is wonderful to be prayed over. Please pray over me this week. I try to take one day at a time, but lately several days have attacked me at once...LOL...but seriously, I know what that means. I have permission to call her again tomorrow if I need to. Not sure what is wrong with me, it is not timed right for PMS and it is not a MAGNESIUM deficiency!!! (That stuff will give you bad diarrhea if you already have plenty in your system, really, trust me. I read a recipe for has herbs and alot of vodka. But you only take a few drops, maybe that is what my deficiency is Vodka-I mean tincture. Don't worry, I have too many vices already to add another. Have a blessed rest of the week.