I gave it a much better shot, sorry for my earlier cop-out!
These are four of my favorite people. They inspire me for all different reasons, Ben because he always used good common sense and the other three make me laugh hysterically which inspires me not to take life or myself to seriously.
A good conscience is a continual Christmas.
A slip of the foot you may soon recover, but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.
All would live long, but none would be old.
An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.
Anger is never without Reason, but seldom with a good One.
Beware of the young doctor and the old barber.
Genius without education is like silver in the mine.
Glass, china, and reputation are easily cracked, and never well mended.
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees.
He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
Hide not your talents, they for use were made. What's a sun-dial in the shade?
GEORGE CARLIN (the clean jokes!):
As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.
It's never just a game when you're winning.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.
And THE BEST FOR LAST!!!
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
What's another word for Thesaurus?
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?