Letting Go...

I only have 7 more years until Erika is 18. 8 for Kayla. That seems impossible to me that they could be getting so much closer to "the end" which is really just the beginning in alot of ways. I am scared for them. I am scared for me. Last night they both went to a slumber party. I really dislike slumber parties. Some of the worst experiences of my life happened at slumber parties. Girls can be so mean. And honestly, the kind of mean girls are these days makes the mean I grew up with toddler-isms. So, I dropped them off, took a deep breath, (suffered many dirty looks from an overprotective hubby who wanted permission to load them back up in the car), and prayed. I prayed. I prayed that God would convict them like crazy if they were the mean girls and that he would comfort them like crazy if they were the victims of the mean girls. Then I prayed that there would be no mean girls-just a group of girls having fun being silly. I'll find out in about an hour how it went. (Unless they were the mean girls and then it will take a bit longer.)

It is so hard to let go. It is hard to let them get out there and make stupid mistakes or be the victim of a bully or two. I have to keep it in the front of my mind at all times that they are just on loan from God. I don't get to KEEP them, my job is to train them for living life. They are not mini-mes but a reflection of the women they will one day become. Honestly, it scares me to death. So, I apologize to all the people who told me the baby/toddler years were the easy ones. I laughed and reminded myself how they had forgotten how physically exhausting it was. I reflected on my lack of sleep and the strong desire I had to get some privacy and go a whole day without being touched. So now I sleep all night, have privacy and could go a whole day without being touched(Oddly enough, I don't ever choose that.) and I realize, it is all hard. Parenting is hard work. All of the ages are hard and it does not get easier. Each stage is different, but the worry never stops. The prayers never stop. The desire to make the right decisions never stops. It just isn't an 18 year gig. It's the gig of a lifetime.