"Blessed are those who wash their robes, that they may have the right to the tree of life and may go through the gates into the city."

Revelation 22:14, New International Version

I'm probably more than a bit out of context here, but this is the scripture I got today in my inbox and as I am doing a few chores, "washing our robes" included, it is good encouragement for me today.

When The Cat's Away...

...the mice will play. We have certainly gotten into much while hubby has been entertaining the world with his drumming and managing the stage of a huge festival. We have:

*Had a yard sale to raise money for our new club.

*Perused huge festival and died from enbarrassment as we were pointed out to the crowd.

*Watched a HUGE steamboat(The American Queen" loose itself from the "dock" of a really cool city.

*Had friends spend the night so their Momma could go get a recharge at a church ladie's retreat.

*Packed up that yard sale and donated the leftovers.

*Went yard saling ourselves, found nice bargains.

*Looked at all the critters at the nature center and petted a snake.

*Studied all things monarch butterflies at LBL. This includes a presentation, catching, tagging & releasing. Erika caught 3, Lilly 1, Kayla 0 and I caught a very large orb weaver and I still don't know how. I just looked down and there he was. YIKES!

*Explored and climbed on rocks and campsites at LBL. We also have plotted and schemed on how to get Dad interested in camping again. We will try begging and pleading and then bribery because we love camping.

*Saw lots of elk, much closer than we ever had before.

*Saw many many deer on the roadsides.

*Had ice cream cones and then became "So Cool".

It has been glorious marvelous fun without timetables. I have still missed him though. It all would have been more fun with him. Tomorrow will be another busy day but we will all be together again.

Part Two of the Mini-Vacation!

At last! Even though I have talked to my friend Julie, I never did get around to telling her the big thing I wanted to tell her. Here it is Jules: We came to your city and before we did, we turned this computer and our house(I know I printed your info when you sent it) upside down looking for your phone number. I called information and got one wrong number and one no answer. I had imagined our kids swimming together at the hotel pool while we lounged in the hot tub and visited. Another time we will do just that!!

So anyway, we went to Kentucky Down Under which is an awesome zoo in our fair state. There we saw lots of exotic birds, petted a kangaroo, milked a goat (at least Lilly and I did), touched an emu, watched snakes eat their dinner and saw cave salamanders in the cave tour. It is a very hands-on place and we had been there before but our kiddos numbered two and one of them was aged that as well. We decided it was time to go again. Some things had changed but mostly it was the same and we enjoyed it.

We toured the longest cave system in the world, which also is found in our state, Mammoth Cave. We have no pictures for this outing because I thought cameras were prohibited. Purses and backpacks were. Oh well. There are plenty of wonderful pictures at the website. We planned our day around this trip. We were going to do the earliest historical tour and we pulled into the parking lot at start time. No big deal, we thought, we'll just get the next one. Well, it just so happens that the Sunday before Labor Day is a very busy day for Mammoth Cave and so we took the "New Entrance Tour" instead. It was great. Lots of steps and heights, both of which really freak me out, but I managed. We had a guide who was very skilled in storytelling and she made the tour very interesting. I don't particularly enjoy caves, but it is a must-see. At one point in the tour, the guide asked who was from KY-we were the only ones. That still amazes me. The license plates were from all over! Call me a redneck, but it was reel kool.

The grand finale of the trip was Beech-Bend Park in Bowling Green. Oh my it was a blast. It's no Disneyland, but it was great fun. If we lived closer, I would have me some season tckets and spend most of a summer there. I rode the Tilt-a-whirl about 5 times and loved it just as much as I always have. We rode almost all the rides and loved it. Even Kayla who is a self-proclaimed scaredy-cat had so much fun. It was so good to finally see her enjoy riding the ride.

So there you have it, we vacationed from Aurora, the tiniest resort in the world to Mammoth Cave, the longest cave in the world. We had a great time and never had to leave our state. Good times. Good times.

Hat Tip

"On Monday, my Scripture in my quiet time was Hebrews 10:35-36 out of the New English Translation and I've been saying it all week over myself, my loved ones and anybody who would listen. Maybe you could use it, too. Here goes:

"So do not throw away your confidence, because it has great reward. For you need endurance in order to do God's will and so receive what is promised."

Don't pass over it quickly or lightly...even if you heard it years ago. Absorb what it's saying. God has made us certain promises that we will only see fulfilled on the other side of a demanding climb. We're going to have to sweat this one out and feel the burn in our limbs but the reward is going to be "great." "

Thanks Beth Moore, I really needed that!! My confidence in myself is shaken, not stirred. I have been an emotional PMS wreck. On the outside, it probably isn't showing just how weak and crumbly I am on the inside.

I find myself right smack in the middle of a situation that I swore I would not be again. For about 6 years, I have treaded very lightly in the friends department. I have closed myself off to many and opened myself completely to others. It has served me well and really blessed my socks off. However, as I watch my children becoming that other type of friend (and sibling)(mean,vain, prideful, hurtful, selfish), my heart breaks. I have let some behaviors go and they have spread like cancer through my children. I love my children and for the most part, what I see from them is good fruit. However, fruit rot is quick and destructive and I don't want it to kill the whole crop. With much prayer and diligence, we will persevere through this hardship. I am thankful for a new club with lots of Godly perspective to help me right some wrongs. This has been creeping up on us for many years and now we as we add hormones to the mix, it is getting scary! I get to see and deal with some of my own character flaws playing on the big screen call MY CHILDREN. Please pray for me to have the wisdom, courage, and patience I will need for these lessons.

"Time and words can never be recalled."

This is such a tragedy in my world where so many of my words really need to be recalled and deleted. I just wish I could say this naturally leads to me being more reserved with what I say, but it doesn't. I have been a chatterer since I learned to talk. Long pauses and quiet spells make me nervous to "fill them up". This is very unfortunate at times.

I also sometimes get more task- oriented than people-oriented. Trying to get something done my way instead of just allowing things to evolve the way they should. OR worse, being more concerned about doing it my way than building and preserving relationships.

I know God created me to be the way I am. I don't curse myself for being a talker, or for always seeking the "best" way. I just know God's way always values loving one another and I am just not always a very loving person.

A member of my new club has quit because she says it is too much of a commitment, but I know it is because I spoke very ill to her when she did not have her monthly meeting planned out soon enough to suit me. I apologized and that is all I can do. I accept that but it really stinks! I don't think I even stopped to consider how I was coming across.

"Time and words can never be recalled." Very unfortunate indeed.

Bad Blogger!

I been a bad blogger. Since I have had almost constant conflict lately paired up with a good chunk of service required of me, that doesn't leave alot of time. Today I was curled up in the fetal position talking to my good friends Jen, Mia, and even my friend Julie on the telephone. I also worked in some TCOB(taking care of business) calls. Tonight I am a laundering fool. I have spoke ill and unkind words to every member of my family. PMS sucks. My phone has had to go charge twice. Tomorrow is co-op and I ain't excited a bit. My get up and go has got up and gone. It took with it the tiny bit of joy I had brought back. My cup runneth empty.

Father, I come to you, the only one who can take an empty broken cup and fill it full to overflowing.

Eat supper with your family night!

Statistics say that families that eat meals together are better adjusted families. It further states that children who have been brought up doing this are far less likely to experiment with drugs, sex, alcohol and other teen immoral behavior.

I am patting myself on the back for doing something right in a big line of somethings wrong. We try very hard to have all of our meals together. The girls and I have sit-down meals together 95% of the time. We are all together for an evening meal 95% of the time. It has always been a huge priority for me because I grew up in a home where it happened 10% of the time. The rest of the time we foraged for our own food-to each his own. Sometimes, usually more with Erik than me, one of the kids helps with preparing the meal as well.

If you usually don't eat together, do it tonight and talk about why. A restaurant still counts and alot of them are having special give-a-ways and donating to charities a percentage of their business. Texas Roadhouse and Chili's are two that I know of for sure, look up your favorite place and see what they are doing!

Today will be busy.

** Go read this poem at hulagirl, it is moving and powerful.**

I coordinated the food for the family meal after the funeral today and I will serve and clean up as well. It sure hasn't been long since I did this, but the last one was such a different kind of funeral. It is one thing to lose a very elderly family member, quite another to lose a 37 year old woman in the prime of her life. It will be a very draining experience, so please lift me up in prayer today.

I love our church family. Since Jenna was a church member at our church, the service Sunday was more of a memorial service. Our preacher did a wonderful job with it. He acknowledged the fact that alot of people there did not know her (this is mostly because as a health care worker, she missed alot of Sundays), but when part of the body hurts, we all hurt. Her ex-husband and son came there to worship with us as well. A friend and I had gone to the store before services to get several boxes of kleenex. I don't know why our church did not have any, but it does now. I'm not sure there was a dry eye in the place. I sat beside a lady who worked with Jenna everyday as they recovered patients from surgery. Today will be so hard for all of them that worked side by side with her. She was a wonderful nurse, her co-workers and patients all thought so.

This is going to be my last post about Jenna. I can guarantee you I will not ever forget her story. It will impact the friendships I have and the things I notice forever. I will notice more when people don't seem themselves. I will love deeper and care more.

I believe God can always turn bad into good, even when it doesn't seem possible. Praise you Father for your unfailing love.

Small Town

"Educated in a small town
Taught the fear of Jesus in a small town
Used to daydream in that small town
Another boring romantic that's me"


Today was just as hard as I feared. In the small town where I came from, the same one Jenna came from, news travels fast. In these type of situations, so much guilt. What could I have done? How come I didn't realize it had gotten this bad? Why would God not allow her to be rescued somehow? But the bottom line really is, once someone cuts themself off, there really is nothing you can do. You think small-town roots, loving friends and family will keep this sort of thing from happening. In a small town where everyone knows your name and all your business spanning three generations, it seems insulated somehow from this sort of tragedy. But it wasn't.

Depression is an ugly bitter disease. The devil gets in your head and convinces you that your worst thoughts of yourself are true. Then it enhances those thoughts and eats away at your very core and puts you on a path of self-destruction that alot of people don't return from. I have to hope that God judges those in the throes of depression differently. He must.

I used to think suicude was so selfish and lately all I can think is how deep a pit that must be. To look up and not even be able to see God. I look around at all the hurts left behind and for all left in the wake. I don't think she could imagine it or consider past the moment. Suicide is a knife that cuts deeper than any other. It hurts the ones closest to you in every possible way. To the family and friends involved, it will never heal, ease- but not heal. Closure will never come. Self-blame will never lessen. Doubts will never stop. A ripple that never stops rippling.

My biggest question? How could a believer stop having hope? God was with her, he never desserts us.

I wrap this post up with words from a dear brother at church this morning, "Hug tighter, love deeper, we have no guarantees".

All of the kittens have new homes. We toyed with the idea of keeping these last two because they were so snuggly and adorable. Larry and Garry, the kids named them that because they were "twin" boys and the names rhymed. I was sad to see them go, but I am sure their new family is loving them very much. After they left, Erika said, "Mom, they were smokers. I can tell. I hope that doesn't bother the kitties." Then Kayla said, "Feel sorry for them, don't judge them. The only people who smoke nowadays are addicted and they wish they could quit."

In other news, today has been a hard day. I went to Mom's and mowed her yard and then made them supper. As I was chit-chatting, my mom casually mentioned that a lifelong school chum had shot and killed herself last night. I was particularly shocked because this person has also been attending our church since she divorced her husband no too long ago. She has one son who is 8 or 9 years old and I am sure he is devastated beyond belief. I can't get it out of my head that I should have noticed pain that severe. I wish I had. Could I have changed anything? Probably not, but maybe. Friends and encouragement are pretty powerful when you are facing a depression that deep. Her best friend, Carrie is a long-time member at our church and this will no doubt rock her world in huge way. Please keep the family of Jenna in your prayers. This is a sadness that will never lose its sting.

Superstar!

****Edited to say, I corrected the name of the second guy who is George Beverly Shea not to be confused with George Bernard Shaw. Don't make fun, it isn't nice. I also plugged in better pictures because mine were very bad.****

These two fellas recently came to our section of the state and we went to see them. The first one is Steven Curtis Chapman and oh my is he famous. The kids know exactly who he is and what he sings. The second one is George Beverly Shea and in his day, he was 50 times more famous than Steven Curtis. My kids did not have a clue who he was and were mildly annoyed when I told them to stand up. He only got a half-standing ovation and it broke my heart. Stardom is cruel. In today's society, it really is here today, gone tomorrow. Outlandish things have to be done to keep the spotlight.

It is said that among kids today, the drive to be famous-even if just for a little while-is more than the drive to be financially successful or to be "happy". This really makes me sad. This is why you tube is so crazy. Girls are willing to strip down naked for the entire world to see if it means they might get a shot at being a "STAR". Guys are willing to tackle testosterone-induced stupidly dangerous stunts because they might be a you-tube one-night sensation. Even facebook has become less about connecting with others and more about how many "friends" you can rack up. Pathetic, especially when you see some of those pics of girls. Apparently, b**bs are very "in" right now(or OUT as the case may be) and if you look over the friends in facebook, you can see this is very true.

I have a facebook account because one of my friends from high school encouraged it. I am not very active on it, but I have to say, all my "friends" are friends. All six of them. That officially gives me "loser" status, I think. I'm not losing sleep over it. Some people have over 1000 friends. The more friends you have, the more friends who want to be your friend. My Space is the same sort of thing. Blogs kind of are too, with some people who are all about ad revenue. I guess it is because I am old, but I don't get it.

I am not star-struck at all. Deep down, we all only have one soul to offer God. One life of service. God doesn't have a favorite. Stardom is risky because you can mis-step and lose your soul. Having people like us is a need, a craving. Having this all wrapped up wth a bow on top can turn us into a monster. Stars are just people. People who are messing up everyday just like me.

The kittens are abounding with cuteness everywhere we look. They wrestle with Tobilicious and he is tolerating it better than expected, further proof that he is indeed a very smart dog. When we leave, we say, "Toby, get in your crate." and 80% of the time he does. The other ten he runs to hide under my bed. When we say, "Toby, get that kitty out of your mouth, he does so, reluctantly." So anyway, we are running an ad in the paper that will start Saturday to find our little feline furballs a home. I will miss them but I will not miss the frequent litter box scooping. Like the rest of the house, what is done in the morning is undone by evening.

Tomorrow is our first keepers meeting and I am very excited. We will be scrapbooking with the girls and fishing with the boys. Good times. I hope this club is just the blessing our family needs. I love all the other moms and girls, they are very genuine and enjoyable.

I have a thousand things to be doing, so I must get off of here, but I wanted to update(IT'S BEEN TWO WHOLE DAYS SINCE I POSTED!!!!) and get pics of the cutie pies posted for Dorky Dad and so TeacherMom can pick one out! The two not- quite- oranges are boys, the other three are girls.

Random and odd

*I have been doing better on the food stuff, not as well as I would like. I have lost about 4 pounds and that is a good thing. I have certainly been around much tempting food. Tis hard to resist birthday cake when you love sugar.

*Mom came home from the hospital yesterday afternoon. She has to use a walker right now. Slowly she is getting back to normal. We are concerned she could lose her balance and fall and not have a phone. Our step-father is 84 and not capable of dialing the phone because he can't see. He also sits outside all day so if she fell it would be a while before he needed to come in and refill his coffee. She is only 63, so she refuses to be treated like an "old" person.

*Erik had practice here at our house last night. This has pros and cons. It is hard for little girls to sleep with loud music playing. Lilly loves it though. She left her bedroom door wide open to hear, everyone else had their doors shut tight. This is the band Erik says he is quitting. I don't believe him but I am optimistic.

*Ladies night out tonight, I am so excited I can barely stand it. I have never needed a night out more.

*Keepers meeting this week. I want this club to be awesome so I am both excited and terribly nervous.

*I got my Twilight Series books by Stephenie Meyer. Oh my they are fabulous. They came on Saturday and I am on book 3. Consuming books. Sucked in worse than a Harry Potter book. No smut, just a wonderful love story. I believe these are written for young adults. Bella and Edward-greatest love story evah!

*I still haven't gotten to part two of our mini-vacation. I am pathetic.

*Our kittens are quite adorable and getting used to the constant holding. If you know me in real life, you are certainly welcome to one. We have given away none so far. They have turned 6 weeks in the middle of too much chaos. Plus they are the cutest litter we have ever had. I'm treading in dangereous waters.

It has been a very hard week and I am eager to start fresh today. The self improvement never ends for me. The need to be better, to do better. Unfortunately, I also feel the need to stretch those improvements to the people I love the most. In my head I know change must come from within, however, I just can't resist that pushing to encourage someone else to change. I hate it. I am hardest on my husband. Our lives are so intertwined that I sometimes get confused as to what is "us" and what is him. I think I am seeking to improve our relationship, but really, if I am honest, I am seeking to "improve" him. I know I have never appreciated him wanting to "improve" me.

Honestly, deep down, I love him exactly as he is. He complements me in so many ways. That he is not ruled by "feelings" is such a blessing, and yet I want him to be ruled by my feelings. Fun times, fun times. The changes that I say I want the most would probably devastate me. I often "feel"(Re-iterate that my feelings are just that) he is not the spiritual leader of our home and so I cockily don that hat, however, I am certainly not doing it either. Going to church is not spiritually leading. Neither is serving at church. Being a spiritual leader means so much more than what today's church hangs on it. To me, it means basing decisions on spiritual things, not other things. Like deciding to let someone win an argument, not because they are right, but because the fight is not worth the hurts. I am not leading anybody anywhere but astray. God help me and my inflated self! Praise the Lord that His mercies are new every morning. I seem to need a fresh supply each day, I mean minute.

Sorry, this is a rambly post, but God is dealing with me in such a huge way, it is hard to write about it.

Go Pee First!

Now I mean it, last time you didn't and look what happened. A new funny. It does have some language that offends me to my very core, but it also made me hunch over hold my stomach and laugh out loud. That always makes me share. Kerflop (Very mom)shared it first!

http://blog.popstalin.com/funny-non-design-related-video/

Just for Today...

I am working the AA steps to combat the food addiction. Today, I made it. No binges, healthy portions. I even made a half cupcake for myself when making cupcakes for church. It was a hard day for many reasons and yet I was still "good". Pat on the back for me.

Matthew 11:30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

I think I must be doing something wrong.

Best Mom on Demoral Quote:

As I am telling her bye today.

"I'm taking the same drugs as Elvis. Don't be jealous of Elvis, honey."

Time

I got this picture from phototakeout.com. It was my favorite of all the clocks. Why am I posting a clock? Why is this blog entitled Time ? This post is going to be all about me in a "big" way. As if the others are not, heehee. Here is the lady I am blaming for all this self-analysis. I can ditto almost everything she says and now, as is typical of me, I will also add more. ( ;

Just before I got pregnant with my first child, I was a very unhappy lady. So unhappy that I thought daily of ending my marriage and giving my life a big old shake-up that would change things forever. We had alot of problems in our marriage, pretty evenly distributed on both sides. I only saw his faults back then though, so I was ready to throw in the towel and begin anew. The first thing I did was go on a diet to lose the 30lbs that I had gained after marriage plus about 20 more for a better "dating weight". I was dieting during an atypical time-frame. I started in August after a particularly bad experience with some friends of ours. One of hubby's friends has a wife that enjoys not only looking good, but looking good in a way that makes the fellas look. After spending a day with them, I was certain that I wanted to look more like that AND I hated my husband for looking. (I had bought the lie that if I had looked good enough, he would quit looking.)Both things festered and boiled within me enough to really bring on some changes.

So all through Aug, Sept, Oct, Nov when most people are settling into "winter weight" and happily hiding the sins with a sweatshirt, I was losing weight like crazy. I was elated that I was almost skinny. I was getting checked out by hubby's friends(especially the husband of the aforementioned wife-this explained alot about her actions) and told how good I looked. It fanned the flames of change that had me ready to get back to the dating scene. God, however, had other plans for me.

My periods are very much like the pic above, clockwork. I was never late. I had been taking the lovely sugar pills in my packet for 3 days and still "Aunt Flo" had not shown up. I was mortified. I bought a pregnancy test and told hubby of my suspicions. We took the test and it was positive. I cried like the baby I would soon have. In my mind, the hope of happiness was over. Now I was stuck in this marriage to this man I hated forever. Worse than that, he was happy beyond belief. Grinning and loving on me all the time. Doting constantly. He was even talking about getting back into church. HA!

Pregnancy and parenthood changed me forever. It healed my marriage in alot of ways. It wasn't a storybook marriage, but my love for my husband returned and after Erika was born I felt bonded to Erik FOREVER in a good way. Motherhood agreed with me and gave me a whole new outlook on life. It made my love return for God as well as my husband. We were back in church, sporadically and they gave us a baby shower that blessed my socks off. I know people who think baby showers for people you don't know are stupid. I am here to tell you that a ton of gifts from people who don't even know you is a humbling, life-changing event. I felt entrusted by God to do something wonderful in the lives of my family. It was the best feeling in the whole world.

I did lose something though that has never been recovered. The desire to have a sexy body. I associated thin with dating or "catching a man". As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I began eating for two and undoing the months of dieting. I did not even keep track of my weight or calories. I considered it all "feeding the baby". I did that through two more pregnancies. Knowing I was/am "off the market" kept/keeps any desire to be thin just a fleeting thought. My "baby weight" is now 11 years old and has some other weight to keep it company.

I often think about the weight I pack every day, but never again has that deep burning desire to change burned in me. I have gotten comfortable. I have, at age 35, begun to really like who I am. To be happy and accepting of myself most of the time. There are many moments when I hate being fat, but I have been fat for way longer than I was skinny. Fat just seems to fit. I am jolly most of the time, love to flirt, and I like to tell jokes. That all goes very well with fat. Jolly, flirty and jokey just seems wrong for a skinny girl. There is no risk in flirting when you are fat. It's harmless fun. No one's wife gets angry when they flirt with a chubby girl. It is a safe thing. My once jealous husband doesn't even give a thought to being jealous now. I am safe. There is safety in fat.

And food. Lots of it and people expect you to eat. If I turned down a piece of chocolate or cake, someone's feelings would be hurt. Desserts are expected to be consumed and I don't like to disappoint. I have a brother-in-law who is a chubby fella. My sister and I got donuts the other day and had them in the hospital room. He came by to see Mom and was offered a donut. He said "NO! I don't need a donut." All of us just stared at him and talked about how good they were until he ate one, then two. Fat people are supposed to eat a donut. Then we could all be happy and go on. Then he was teased for eating, such a catch-22. I keep mulling that scene over in my brain. My husband is skinny. If he says no thank you to food, that's it. No one prods him until he eats. They just assume he is full or doesn't want whatever is being offered. If he does eat, no one talks about how he shouldn't have eaten it. When you are fat, people say and do alot of things they would never say or do to a thin person, like beg you to eat a donut and then chastise you for it.

I digress, fat has been my "happy place" for a long time. I would be happier thinner, of course, but not happy enough to be worth the trade-off of good food. If there were a magic wand or pill to make me thin and live the same, I would be all over it! There isn't. I know it takes drive, passion and hard work to lose weight. So I have been "unhappily content"( to coin a phrase) with being fat. Until I read this post. OH MY STINKIN' HECK! Why did you have to call me selfish. Why oh why do I have to read those words and know they are as true as the Word of God!!To top that off, tonight we had a class talking about how our souls are divided by the choices we make. Sara had the nerve to ask what keeps us from being whole, pursuing wholeness. It did not hit me until I got home and re-read this blog. God has been telling me to stop worshipping food for a long time. The same way he might tell a drug addict not to do drugs or a p*rn addict to give it up. I have known food was my drug of choice since I was about 8 years old. My addiction has served me well. It is accepted in all churches and politically incorrect to mention it too much. We may even get some sort of protection under law, we fat citizens. Don't discriminate, just make the chair bigger, hand over the chocolate and no one gets hurt. Excess, the American way. Super-size me.

I feel the call to surrender the food addiction. I'm just not sure how to answer that call so I keep letting it ring. I have debated about answering tonight. OMSH may have kicked me out of my "happy place" with her post. I don't like being called selfish. It is worse than fat. Maybe it is TIME.

Patient Controlled Anesthesia

What a wonderful tool. Mom's pain is very well managed, but the side effects are driving us crazy! She never really rests, she is working all the time. A small sample of what she does:

*Keeps an eye on the purple people at the edge of the room. Sometimes they are pink or orange.

*Uses the backhoe to move all the piles of black dirt around the room.

*Loves her doctor, the one with the cute ears that fold over like a bunny rabbit.

*Watches us make cute little dolls.

*Pours soup on the windmills to make them look pretty.

*Stacks up chickens.

*Hangs clothes on her IV line, the PCA line when we move the IV line.

Underneath all the non-sense is Mom. She knows we are there and when we leave or go to the bathroom. She loves to have company. She is extremely lucid at moments when medical staff is in the room. She can have a normal conversation on the phone. Unless any of these things last longer than a moment, then the pain medicine induced stupor comes back.

Surgery went great yesterday. The doctor scooped out all the plaque that was blocking it and seems to have restored the circulation. The foot looks much better and is warm again. We are praising God for all the little steps we can take to keep her going and comfortable. Thanks for all of your prayers!

Today is the day and I am off to the hospital. Please pray that they will find an easy way to remedy this foot/leg problem. Hopefully it is just an artery blockage and easily remedied with stints.

Thanks to the best hubby in the world for covering me. You are still Mr. Wonderful.

I love you guys!

Laughter

I love to laugh and I love to make other people laugh. I consider this a precious gift, laughter. If I can somehow make anything into a joke, I will. This has made me many friends through the years. It has also made me many enemies. Some people find me very obnoxious and unfunny. These people have no sense of humor.

Tonight as I sat in Mom's hospital room with two of my sisters and we laughed until we cried, I realized it is a family illness. My mom is in such a state of constant pain that they have given her a patient-controlled demoral drip that can be activated every ten minutes. She doesn't need it that often, but close. This demoral makes her as high as a kite and quite frankly, hilarious.

I tried not to laugh at first, but Linda and I together with such ridiculous things going on could never accomplish such a feat. Soon we were laughing nearly non-stop. Especially when Mom commented on the orange hat Linda was wearing while we fed her supper. There was no hat. Deer in the dining room. I became batwoman. She has a wire frame that keeps the covers off of her leg and foot. She keeps waking up wondering why on earth she is in a barrel. It does look like one. She types and does all sorts of things that are both sad and funny. It is not really funny at all. None of us can stand to see Mom so out of it, but what can we do? It is necessary right now. When Pam arrived on the scene, she chastised us severely for laughing so much. Until Mom started talking about the stagecoach and then had an imaginary ice cream cone. Oh yeah, Pam was wiping the tears of laughter away with a kleenex. We are pathetic.

It is so hard to think of what the future holds for Mom. Diabetic neuropathy is some scary stuff. We are really enjoying the laughter while we can because this is probably gonna get ugly before we are done. Keep us all in your prayers.

PS. We also cry as bad as we laugh when the circumstances warrant. We cry ugly too. Square mouths, too many tears and lots of snorts. We just got a double helping of emotions, I suppose.

Sunday...

The day when you wake up earlier than a workday and cram as much stuff into it as you possibly can. It is my favorite day of the week. That probably says something about me.

Random and Odd

We are home from running like crazy, but not for long as we have a birthday party to attend. We need a good party, so we are glad to be going.

*Mom is not doing well. She is in constant pain but fortunately there is morphine. She is really funny on the morphine. She opens one eye to look around and check to see if she needs to open both. Happily, we rated both eyes. I was buying flowers for my Mom when my friend Jon called me to get my blog address. Hopefully you found me, Jon. I'll be expecting comments!! Lots of lovely comments. Be sure to sign your name if you post anonymously. Also, feel free to comment on old posts as all comments are emailed to me. ( ;

*I do my best to feed our family healthy food. We snack on raw veggies and fresh fruit. We keep very little junk food in the house. Lately, though, we are on a french onion dip kick. It is so good. I bought some on a fluke and this is officially the last one(of four) we will buy. I mean it. Also, guess what my children were begging for? Spam. I don't know what to say, it is a little indulgence I grant them ocassionally. Like today when we have 30 minutes for lunch. So the lunch spread is cheese, yogurt smoothies, spam, chips and dip. Yes, we are health nuts here.

*I will email about Part two of our mini vacation as soon as my friend Julie emails me her phone number. Julie, 10's of readers are waiting.

*We bought some fresh veggies at our local farmers market. May I just say, I love it there. We ran into lots of people we know and we got great deals. It would make my heart sing if I thought a single one of them actually had a vegetable farm. I don't think they do. I also don't ask. Don't ask, don't tell. I can't believe I'm quoting Clinton.

*Saw Clinton on the night-time Oprah repeat. He's still got it. Those women were falling all over each other to shake his hand. He made fun of Hillary, I liked that. I don't like him, but he has charisma that is undeniable. I did not get the feeling that Oprah loves him. She was not at all her usual lovey-dovey.

Cure for Angst

I woke up this morning feeling good because I had nothing on the calendar until dinner and then it was dinner with friends and that is a happy thing to have on the calendar. I declare an audio book and cleaning to be the order of the day. Mid-vacuum, my sis called to tell me they were taking Mom to the ER as she is having leg problems. Her leg is numb and cold. With diabetes, this is or could be very serious. Kayla was going to a sleepover and then the responsibility of getting supper to my stepfather became me. All of this developed AFTER I decided to strip all the bedding and run the rainbow throughout the house (nothing on the calendar and all).

All went well though. Kayla finally got to her friends (they were 35 minutes late because they didn't realize we were waiting on them), dinner and fellowship was wonderful, sheets are now on beds with little angels tucked away to dreamland and I am planning out some major juggling for tomorrow. A mandatory chorus event that I heard about Thurs., breakfast for stepdad, hospital visit, and oh yeah, some groceries might be nice all between the hours of 8am and 1 or so. Maybe I don't have time for a job after all. Didn't somebody mention "seasons of life"? I guess I am in the "not about me" stage.

Virtually Free Magazine

http://sdquarterly.com/ I like it enough to tell you about it. It is free through September 2007 so you had better hurry!

The smiles thing worked most of the day. Until we had friends come to visit and the sibling rivalry was in full swing. The oldest two are just too close in age, all the friends overlap. Then, of course, Lilly thinks she is 10 instead of 6 and all of those overlapping friends should overlap to her as well. I wish I had a solution. We still had a nice visit and my friend assures me my angst is universal to all moms- at least to some extent and maybe an extra dose for us homeschoolers.

We had a fine supper and then Middle child and I went to chorus where a whole new angst developed. I believe I may have signed us up for a money pit. YIKES! Hopefully it will happen in small doses. I threatened bodily injury if ever there might happen to be "failure to sing". I want to hear her loud and clear.

I am reading one of the joy books tonight. I tried the positive mom book earlier today, but I nearly threw up and had to quit. I'll take your positive and raise you a sarcastic sense of humor. I may try again later, we'll see. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I'll be the heavy-set woman in the corner wearing smiley face buttons "loving" my kids through their tantrums. I saw where one of my good friends checked out the same Power of a Positive Mom book...what did you think, Teacher Mom?

Lapdog?

He doesn't know he is a big dog now. Shhh! I like it when he sits with me. Shhh! Don't tell Erik, Toby isn't allowed on the couch. His eyes are just brown, but the lovely green sort of makes him look fierce. He is. Killer is his nickname. Beware.

Fun times. Lands End cotton and singing opera with the dog. He hates it when we sing opera but he does it anyway. I think he realizes the sooner he joins us, the sooner it is over. It's a hard knock life for Toby.

Meeting

The girls and I had a meeting today about our stinky attitudes. Me with my constant crabbiness and them with their constant sulkiness have led to misery for all. I am skimming through the books from the library. The first best tip I have is to smile whether you feel like it or not. So far it is working. We are having a pretty good morning despite the gray conditions. The girls and I have consented to smiling all day. ( :

Good Day, Mate!

It really hasn't been but I am trying to talk myself into it. Today Erik went back to work and it was a HARD day. I know it has been for him too. I am trying to talk myself into going to church tonigh and even gave myself a hot bubble bath to make me wanna.

So, I have partially filled out the application for employment and I also checked out some books on finding your joy at the library. I also ordered a new series of books that Kerflop has been gushing over.

Wish me luck.

My Angst, Part Two

I have felt your prayers and appreciated your comments and private emails. My angst lives on. It is thriving, in fact. Everyday I wake up and think, OH NO! Not morning already. I'm not ready. I don't wanna. The mini-vacation was fun and Hubby let me have my way and play like a little kid. I kind of feel like a toddler in the "I want THIS, no wait, now I want THAT!" way. So I thought I would elaborate exactly what I have in mind by part-time job. A life story sets the stage.

After I graduated high school, I immediately started summer classes at our community college. I was also working full-time at McDonald's. My family home was located well outside of the city so I decided to find a roomate and move to town. I found a roommate and life was good. Then she reconciled with her hubby and life was not good. I quit McDonald's for a better paying job, Captain D's (WOOHOO!) and also waitressed the graveyard shift at Steak & Egg Kitchen along with my full-time course load at college. Then I gave up both of those jobs for a single waitressing job at Cracker Barrel. I liked working there. It is a nice atmosphere and although I worked my butt off (figuratively only!), I made good money and it was a "feel-good" job.

This is the job I have in mind. Returning 2 nights a week to waitressing at Cracker Barrel. It is one of the few places I could work weeknights at and still make good tips. It is also a restaurant that awards you for being smart, offering raises with every "par" level you complete. I don't want a careeer. I just want a part-time job that I go to, work a little and come home with a sense of job satisfaction and a little cash. This is not unchartered waters for me, I know exactly what I'm in for. I am thinking of working two nights only. This would work out very well for us, I think. Very little disruption of the flow of the family. Erik could declare both movie nights or game nights and it could be alot of fun. Meanwhile, Mom gets her "groove" back and feels like a person again instead of "just MOM". Don't get me wrong- I love being Mom, homeschooling and the huge chunks of time I spend with my husband and children. I thank God every day that this is my blessed life. I am just feeling very "UN-ME" lately and I think I need a dose of accomplishment to regain my focus. I am thinking 6 months to a year for a trial run. This just seems like a good idea.

My darling husband took me to eat there as a surprise. He clocked the miles before he even told me where we were going. This particular CB has a nice looking staff, clean store and heavy business. He does not want me to do this, but I think everyone in my family is kind of tired of depressed and angry Mom.

So, now with all my cards on the table, what do you think now?

Lilly and I chillin'. Riding the waves and since it was windy, there were alot of them.

Erik and the girls posing in the cemetery. Erik has a large mussel shell in his hand.

Towing the rowboat coach in.

I am amazed! I got this award from two different people. WOW! I am so happy. Thanks so very much. It is wonderful to be thought of as nice, especially since I don't exactly consider myself "nice". I consider nice to be sweet and I am only sweet if judged by the sweets I consume. Heehee! I am accepting both awards though!! Thanks proverbs31 (starting a new business-please check it out!!) and jettybetty! Right back atcha, as you are both very good to me and your blogs inspire me! I am now passing this award on to 14(2 awards X 7 bloggers each) other bloggers.

"This award is for those bloggers who are nice people; good blog friends and those who inspire good feelings and inspiration. Also for those who are a positive influence on our blogging world. Once you’ve been awarded please pass it on to 7 others who you feel are deserving of this award."

THOSE I KNOW IN REAL LIFE:
Steph S- Even though she doesn't update to suit me, she is a wonderful friend and you will be inspired by her attitude of service in her home, I know I am! The third friend Texas took from me.

Mia- My sarcastic soul sister. Texas took one of her friends too, so God introduced us. ( :

Hulagirl-She is an awesome lady in real-life and the blogosphere. Warning: wears parrot gear!

Summer-Niceness personified, the reason I became a blogger. The first friend Texas took from me. Warning: hates capital letters!

Sandy- We've been overlooking each other's personality quirks for years now. We are the odd couple of friends, what a blessing! Her blog is great. Warning: history and classical lit buff!

Stephanie - old friend, new blogger. By old, I mean that she is even older than my husband-YIKES! They have their own sub-group at church, heehee. When is that age-group activity? I need to get it on the calendar.

Julie - Her blog is private unless you are special. I am. Julie send me your contact info again and I promise not to lose it this time!! We are coming for a visit this fall, I mean it!!

Sara M. - Our lives are intertwined in such unusual ways and I am so glad!

Sara D.- Leave her comments and beg her to post more. She has wonderful things to share, but she doesn't update much.

Lesli-(not -so)New momma and still sharing her hubby with the military! That is nice with zeros on the end.

THOSE I DO NOT KNOW IN REAL LIFE
Kerflop-Inspired me to be real and transparent by being that way herself.

Manda-Kerflop's sister. We share leakitis in common and are now bonded for life. Look for it in her archives.

Zoot- Inspired me to be real and transparent by being that way herself.

Jacinda-Proof that you don't have to talk long before you realize what a small world it is. I feel like I know her in real life even though I don't.

There are, unfortunately, so many I have left out.

New Hat, New Paint Job, and A Cemetery

What do these things have in common? All a part of the first leg of our mini-vacation. Only in our delightfully weird family could all of these things converge and spell fun. We kennelled Tobilicious at a local kennel(Which turned out well I am happy to say.) and set off for our yearly trek to Aurora where we stepped back in time to 1955. We have a quaint little cabin that we always rent and we just think it is super cool. There are barrel seats around a very old barrel card table and it has served us well for many years. We love the pool and supporting a Ma-Pa establishment. We can walk to the local "trading post" for souvenirs and we can drive to the dairy bar for treats. We rented a slip for our boat so we can just hop in and go.

We enjoyed our stay yet again this year but were disappointed to find that the things we added to the ecclectic mix of kitchen goods did not remain there ( a cookie sheet, and a paring knife). This year we bought 4 forks to make 7 forks as three was just not enough for us. The establishment has gone down hill a bit and the broken barrel chair paired up with a bit too much algae in the pool had us up the road to make reservations at a new stop for next year. Still a family owned business(homeschool family!) and also a good bit of local lore to go with it. Tell ya all about it next year!

The pink cowgirl hat with "diamonds" came from the "trading post". Lilly just loves it. Nathanael, one of her most favorite friends, gave her the cowboy itch at his birthday party and it hasn't faded a bit. The other girls did not find a must-have souvenir this year. Erika got the usual horehound candy and Kayla shared my pecan log and divinity.

The next pic shows our slip with our freshly painted red boat. Hubby did that while we were at co-op on Wednesday. It looks great. The great thing about an old boat is that it is so easy to improve it. We slowly improve it a little each year. New carpet and seats, now a new paint job, some new hardware earlier this summer. When we get a bimini top, we might get a little snobby. The bad thing about an old boat is there is always a little something that needs a repair-like the power trim motor that waited until the very last minute of our stay to go out. After we towed in the rowing team coach, swam a little and pulled our boat out for the end of the mini-trip, the power-trim motor sounded a little funny. Hubby made a point of not doing anything with it until we got home and he could handle the news better. Yep, it made a final death noise. It is fairly inexpensive(in boat speak) though and hubby can repair it himself which is always nice. I love my Mr. fix-it. He still makes me swoon.

The cemetery? A couple of years ago while we were out boating we came across an island with a cemetery on it. We just cruised by it without exploring. Hubby, being the history buff that he is, has been going a little crazy thinking about that cemetery. This trip we made a point of going there to allow his curiosity to be satisfied. It has created new questions for him to explore. New names and a new monument company to research that he had never heard of. A good little history mystery to get him through the cold months.

We came home to a completely green pool. I pulled the plug and we will deal with that by pulling it down to end the swim season. This is the third time our pool has greened out on us. I don't understand as we have kept up our chlorine and swam in it. This is our third round of water as we chose to empty, clean and start over rather than chemical it to death. We may invest in a better filter next year? Still trying to decide.

Leg two of our trip, coming up. For now though, there is a great band playing at the park today and we are going for a listen. I hope I can survive all the democrap that will accompany the entertainment.