Tuesday, September 04, 2007

My Angst, Part Two

I have felt your prayers and appreciated your comments and private emails. My angst lives on. It is thriving, in fact. Everyday I wake up and think, OH NO! Not morning already. I'm not ready. I don't wanna. The mini-vacation was fun and Hubby let me have my way and play like a little kid. I kind of feel like a toddler in the "I want THIS, no wait, now I want THAT!" way. So I thought I would elaborate exactly what I have in mind by part-time job. A life story sets the stage.

After I graduated high school, I immediately started summer classes at our community college. I was also working full-time at McDonald's. My family home was located well outside of the city so I decided to find a roomate and move to town. I found a roommate and life was good. Then she reconciled with her hubby and life was not good. I quit McDonald's for a better paying job, Captain D's (WOOHOO!) and also waitressed the graveyard shift at Steak & Egg Kitchen along with my full-time course load at college. Then I gave up both of those jobs for a single waitressing job at Cracker Barrel. I liked working there. It is a nice atmosphere and although I worked my butt off (figuratively only!), I made good money and it was a "feel-good" job.

This is the job I have in mind. Returning 2 nights a week to waitressing at Cracker Barrel. It is one of the few places I could work weeknights at and still make good tips. It is also a restaurant that awards you for being smart, offering raises with every "par" level you complete. I don't want a careeer. I just want a part-time job that I go to, work a little and come home with a sense of job satisfaction and a little cash. This is not unchartered waters for me, I know exactly what I'm in for. I am thinking of working two nights only. This would work out very well for us, I think. Very little disruption of the flow of the family. Erik could declare both movie nights or game nights and it could be alot of fun. Meanwhile, Mom gets her "groove" back and feels like a person again instead of "just MOM". Don't get me wrong- I love being Mom, homeschooling and the huge chunks of time I spend with my husband and children. I thank God every day that this is my blessed life. I am just feeling very "UN-ME" lately and I think I need a dose of accomplishment to regain my focus. I am thinking 6 months to a year for a trial run. This just seems like a good idea.

My darling husband took me to eat there as a surprise. He clocked the miles before he even told me where we were going. This particular CB has a nice looking staff, clean store and heavy business. He does not want me to do this, but I think everyone in my family is kind of tired of depressed and angry Mom.

So, now with all my cards on the table, what do you think now?

6 comments:

hulagirlatheart said...

Try it. If it doesn't work, so what? You have nothing to lose, and you won't keep asking yourself what if. Sometimes "what if" is worse than reality.

Jen, Fred, Jennifer or Mom said...

Sounds to me like something you really want to do....and if the trial run doesn't work out....well, you can always quit....like I said before, you have to follow your heart, what's right for me or her might not be right for you......just like the homeschooling thing.

I just could not do it, would love to, but know that it is not for me. I love my family, but NEED that time away from all the testosterone oozying from them all day and sending them off to school is just beautiful for me.

Maybe this is your way of 'sending them off to school'.....you don't have the testosterone oozing, but still a little mom time is a good thing. Sounds to me like you need to try it, and if it doesn't work and everyone is grumpier, well, then you tried it at least!!!

Good luck!!! Whatever you do I have faith that you are doing what you feel is best, and that is all that matters!!!

jettybetty said...

At this point, it sounds like you really really want to do it--and you do know pretty much what you are in for--so why not?

Jacinda said...

I can't decide but I guess I'm kind of like some of the others. Try it and see how it goes. You can always quit, right?

Sandy said...

Honestly... I think you need to find something that has Erik's wholehearted blessing. I understand how you feel; that's why I make time to read substantial numbers of books even though I am constantly tapped for time, why I blog, why I take yoga (oh how I miss my yoga class!) and why I take piano lessons... they are things for ME. But I believe that if you don't have your husband's blessing on what you choose to do, you will ultimately add more stress to your life and your family's life. Find something which your family supports and it will be a blessing to all of you. Just my .02 worth!

Teacher Mom said...

I am joining this late but just adding my .02 anyway. I am agreeing with Sandy if everyone (especially hub)is not onboard then it would cause more havoc than you can imagine!! Unfortunately, I am of the other side of this coin. I have fought for years to be home and have that station in life valued and appreciated. VIVA LA HOMESCHOOL MOM!!! Seek that happiness where you are.....