Random and Odd

• Yesterday was spent at the eye doctor. I was pretty sure I had pink eye and also thought I would kill two birds with one stone and have Lilly tested for strabismus(lazy eye) as her doctor requested at last check up. I went somewhere different than normal and we will not make that mistake again. It is very well-known chain that has several doctors on staff which made me think it would all go smooth and quick. After our exams, 2 1/2 hours total time logged in, they were ready to dilate my 6 year olds eyes for another exam. In the last 45 minutes of waiting, I would have consented to her eyes being dilated while we waited. However, knowing that it takes even more time to allow dilating to take place after so long waiting, I declined and then had to sign a waiver saying I was a bad mom that did not care about the health of my child's eyes even a little bit. (slight exaggeration) It was 12:30 and we were hungry. We had also already accomplished what we came for. She does not have strabismus after a very thorough exam for it. I have a severe case of pink eye that is light sensitive. I have an antibiotic but I am still considering gouging it out, as it offends me. On a positive note, my children were excellently behaved until the last 15 minutes when we were all hi-jacked by our gnawing stomachs.



• Trunk or treat at my church was alot of fun. We have three kids worth of candy and I will not be weighing for at least a week after the last morsel has been thrown away or eaten. Before candy came to town, I had been doing real well. I really like candy. Especially little tiny candy bars.



• We celebrated Oktoberfest with friends from church and it was delightful. I loved every minute of it. I even drank German beer which is a stretch for me. I tried to drink enough so my eye would not hurt so stinkin' much. It was mildly effective. Other friends brought a Wii. Wii's are totally cool!!



• I hate the pendulum of school work. We had about two glorious weeks of school where things went well. Assignments were done, attitudes were good, smiles were present. Now the pendulum has swung the other way. Assignments are grueling. Attitudes are bad and smiles have flown away with the monarchs. Argh!! I vow to appreciate the next round of smiles and good attitudes more.



• I don't have a menu made out for this week and it is not good. This will have to be done today. We need all the sanity we can get around here.



• Our momma cat remains unfixed because I don't feel like messing with it. That is bad.



• I am going on a youth retreat this weekend with my oldest child. I still do not have childcare all firmed up. I hope to accomplish that really soon lest my head explode.



• There is so much more I could blog about, but right now I must go and gouge my eye out for it offends me still.

Embarrassed

I don't embarrass easily. I love to laugh at myself. It is one of my hobbies. Hubby has gotten me good twice now. Really good. Both times among church friends, both times with very strong references to that best left private. Everyone involved was amazed. They did not know it was possible for me to be A)embarrassed B) speechless.

Yes, Honey, you got me good. I will try not to retaliate.

Where I Come From

I come from cornbread, beans and taters. Nearly every night. Throw in some meat ocassionally but not always.

I come from a trailer beside a cornfield and then later a house in "town" which was still the country, it just meant we had neighbors. Looking back, this was not a good move.

I come from doing chores every day for my Grandma. I got off the bus, got her mail, washed her dishes and swept her porch. Then I would sit and visit with her a little while. As I was leaving she would tell me to get a quarter out of the jar. We were both blessed by our set-up. She was not a very loving or demonstrative woman but I loved her anyway. I don't think I would "get" my Dad as much if I hadn't spent so much time with my Grandma, his mom. Even though there were lots of hugs, there wasn't much regard for children or childish things. Farm people really appreciate good hard work and not much else. Hard work is its own reward.

I come from a home filled with the hurt and bitterness of divorce. My mom has not healed from divorcing my dad even to this day. Our family was forever set on a different path with that decision. God blesses us anyway when we allow it.

I come from a home with a step-parent who loved us more than his own children. He is a very challenging man, but my sister and I do not question that he loved us like we were his own. He is also 20 years older than my mom which brings along whole other set of issues.

I come from a Dad who saw us only on Sundays between church services that he did not attend. Some of these Sundays were wonderful, but most of the time we could tell he would rather be doing other things. Sometimes he did those other things, like gun trading, and left us waiting in the car. Nothing like fighting with your sisters for a couple of hours in the van. I think these hours of nothingness fostered my love of reading.

I come from hours upon hours of playing alone in the country with my bike and my dogs. Sometimes my sister and I played together too, but mostly we played apart. I love nature and as a child I really believed the best things in the world were found in the woods or by a river, creek or pond. I still believe that but now I get to add the ocean as well.

I come from imperfect people who made lots of mistakes. I spent my whole life wishing those around me had been more perfect. I hated God for a long time because I grew up smart and poor which is a bad combination. I resented the opportunities that people I went to school with had. It was hard to watch them take it all for granted. Now I appreciate exactly the gift God gave me of being self-sufficient. I am proud to be a survivor. I appreciate imperfection. (It's a good thing too.) I love my imperfect people.

I come from anger. Lots of combustible people spending too much time too close together. I have a lifetime of unhealthy anger management. I will spend a lifetime trying to change that about myself. My kids will grow up with it as well, but they know it is wrong and that Mom is trying to change.

I come from a Heavenly Father with a plan for my life. I think that plan may center on writing. It has always been a consistent thing in my life. All of my plans as a kid centered around it on one form or another. I planned to pursue journalism before a handsome man swept me off my feet and gave me a gorgeous family.

I now come from the kind of family I always wanted. God is good.

Thank you MBI for posting this about Everette! It touched my heart and serves as a gentle reminder of how we are supposed to act.

Relationships are the key to the world!!

http://mybestinvest.blogspot.com/

Dear Janice,

I hope that when you receive this, you have accomplished success with emptying. Clutter, mind clutter, and too many activities are holding you back from being the woman God created you to be.

As you declutter, more room is made for welcoming, befriending, resting, engaging and even listening.

With God, all things are possible.

Got this in the mail yesterday. I wrote this letter to myself on November 19, 2006 in a Sunday School class. My wise teacher mailed it to me almost a year later. I am progressing but really hoped to be closer to the goal by now. I've said it ten thousand times, but decluttering is very hard for me. I like having lots of supplies for whatever I want to do. I have crafts, gifts, cards, paper, homeschool books, books, purses, art supplies, beanie babies still in the wrapper, brand new pampered chef stuff, storage bins and boxes, etc. All of these things take up room and really are not bringing me joy. I am slowly putting stuff on ebay, giving things to friends, donating to charities and it is hard. The progress I have made spurs me on though. My decluttered living room makes me smile.

Some day, my decluttered home will make me smile. With God, all things are possible.

This is a forward that came in my email and I have to post it. It's funny cause it is all so true, and I could even add a few that aren't listed. BTW, the club meeting went way better than my expectations-I am feeling way better about it all.

Now, read and nod in agreement. Even you fellas have to admit, it's all true.


Men Are Just Happier People

Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. (I beg to differ on this one, being pregnant was cool.)

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100 People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips, One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice about growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.

Rain Rain

It rained all day yesterday and still is today. I love it. We have needed it for so long so I am glad the prayers have been answered. Plus, no one really has any expectations of anything on rainy days. Even my kids "sleep in" until a few minutes after 7. Good times.

We will have a good school day, I feel it in my bones. Later we will meet up with the others in our christian club to iron out all the details that have threatened to kill our club. Pray for us. I have high hopes. I have given it to God and I am hoping for the best. So far, I miss my scout troop. You don't know what you got til it's gone. Oh my, 8:37 am and I am singing a hair band song from the late 80's. Good thing it's raining and you have no expectations.

Stephanie, this is not the story I told you about, but it is very similar. I have no idea who wrote it.



"Once upon a time a group of people with a common interest got together and decided to build a train. The train, they agreed, would help them reach destinations that currently were out of reach.



With everyone working together, the train soon provided some good service to its passengers. Some passengers even volunteered to assist others, providing pillows, soft drinks and magazines. The train was clean and ran on time. Most importantly, every passenger paid a fair price for his ticket.



One day a passenger decided he didn't like a minor thing about the train. "It stops at stations I don't wish to visit.", he said. So he decided not to pay for his ticket. But he still drank his soft drink, rested on his pillow, read his magazine and rode to his destination. He apparently didn't notice that the other passengers now had to pay a little more for their tickets so the train could still run.



Soon, another passenger decided she was too busy to help distribute and collect the magazines. But she still drank her soft drink, rested on her pillows, read a magazine and rode to her destination. Other passengers volunteered to work harder on the magazines to replace her efforts.



Soon, more passengers realized that they also could refuse to buy tickets or volunteer for duties, and someone else would pay more fare and do more work. Everyone had a good excuse. Soon the train stopped and everyone wondered why."



This story is so true of life. We all are excited in the beginning and then our excitement wanes and we get tired of the work it takes to maintain things. We can always think up a good excuse and we wonder why others get tired of always doing the work.

The butternut!

The acorn!

The Spaghetti!

Not Just For Decorating!

Some of you are buying these wonderful specimens for decorating and you are missing out on some wonderful nutritive sustenance. Easy heathy eats.

With these three and most like them, you merely cut the squash in half-requires big sharp knife and tenacity as they are very hard, like cutting a watermelon. Then you scoop out all the seeds (dry them to plant in your garden mid-july for fall crop) and bake them flesh side down at 375 degrees until you can stick a fork through the rind, usually an hour for large ones and 30-45 minutes for smaller ones. Pumpkins are cooked the same way, by the way, if you would like to try a REAL pumpkin instead of from a can. All pumpkins taste about the same, but a lighter color typically tastes sweeter, darker can be a tad on the bitter side. Smaller is better. ( :

These can be topped with butter, brown sugar, nutmeg and cinnamon for a sweet yet healthy lunch. Our family just enjoyed a spaghetti squash to go along with our sandwiches. Very yummy. I have heard of people topping them with other things, like tomato sauce, sour cream and chili-but we prefer the sugar, butter, spice route.

These will last several months in your kitchen without going bad unlike most fresh veggies. They make a wonderful accompaniment to most any dish. We eat them straight out of the rind on a plate, but you could also scoop into a bowl for serving at a meal. Butternut and acorn are very similar in taste to a sweet potato without the stringy texture. Spaghetti squash tastes like nothing else but is sweet and delicious even without added sugar.

I hope at least one of my readers learned a new vegetable today. Squash and pumpkins are very good for you and the internet is full of recipes to use your fresh baked goodies.

Here is a recipe I will be trying soon:

Pumpkin Pancakes
2 cups flour
4 tablespoons brown sugar
2 tablespoons baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon allspice
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ginger(Don't buy a whole "hand" of ginger, break off a "finger")
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 cups milk
1 cup pumpkin
1 egg
2 tablespoons oil
2 tablespoons vinegar

Mix together milk, pumpkin, egg, oil and vinegar. In a separate bowl, combine the flour, brown sugar, baking powder, baking soda, allspice, cinnamon, ginger and salt. Stir into the pumpkin mixture until just combined.
Heat griddle over medium high heat. Pour batter onto griddle using approximately 1/4 cup for each pancake. Brown on both sides.

Great with a large dollop of whipped cream atop a stack of these delightful discs.

In Case You Have Wondered...

Setting Captives Free is really a hard program. It is hard to think of my overeating, gluttony, and obsession with food as a sin. However, I know that it is. It does separate me from God. I hate the way I obsess over chocolate and sugary goodies. My least favorite holiday is coming up. It is my least favorite and one of my favorites. My favorite because it is frivilous fun. My least favorite because its focus is to be a gluttonous fool. Even people who don't normally gorge can't help but ingest copious amounts of mini chocolate bars.

The focus of SCF is to "feast on the word" every day which will strengthen me and keep me "full" of God. It has been a real tough thing, but I have been rewarded with watching the number on the scales move slowly in a new direction. All of my clothes fit and some are a little loose. Now, I am a big girl so it will be a while-many pounds before others notice. I am down 9.5 pounds since beginning Tales fron the Scales. I dropped out because a weekly weigh in was making me focus on food even more and that is not a good plan for me.

I hope to continue as I have, slowly making permanent changes. I am down to just cream in my coffee-not sugar or sweetener of any kind. I am trying to eliminate diet drinks as well. I think they are bad for me. I love FIZZ, so I am just "cutting back" at this point. It is still an improvement. I am trying not to "give up" anything, just cut back. Every little bit of improvement helps. Sacrifice and condemnation just set me up for failure.

If you are on a weight loss journey too, I encourage you to be slow and steady. It does win the race. Allow yourself some mess ups that don't derail the whole plan. There are times of the month when we eat more and we don't need to beat ourselves up for it. There are also times of the month when it is easy to be on track. Here's hoping Halloweeen comes in on one of those "on-track" days!!

A Time Out...

I gave myself a time-out from thinking and serious soul searching, which meant no blogging. I'm back now and I feel much better. I had a girl's afternoon and night out last night with a friend of mine and my kids. Her kids are grown(almost) so she gives me perspective. My kids adore her and since she has all boys, she likes to walk on the girl side. Our evening finalied in another state watching my favorite drummer play music. We got to cheer him on and still make it home by 10. It was fun. She is one of many of my friends that make me like me more.

Thursday night I spent the evening (not a long stay but enough) with another one of those friends. I love my wonderful friends that give me grace, call me out when I'm wrong and ENJOY my company. It is my firm belief and conviction that our fellowship with other Christians is two-fold. One, we are to encourage one another daily(while it is still called today-Heb. 3:13) and to LOVINGLY help each other grow to be more Christlike.

Conflict is sometimes a part of the deal. It makes us stronger and stronger is better. There is a spiritual war raging and I want to be a better soldier.

To quote Mama Mia, sort of, nobody wants a t!tty baby* on their team. ( : She was referring to me, I am so hurt.

*No offense is intended to t*tty babies.

Conflict

Life = conflict. As long as there are people who are important to one another, there will be conflicts. It is actually a good thing. You know you have a true friend when they absolutely couldn't be more opposed to your opinion in a matter and you both bend a little and compromise. The commitment to the relationship means more than whatever the argument is over. Unfortunately, that is not the position I find myself in and I hate it. I hate it when someone is content to avoid conflict even if it means leaving me high and dry. I know I will get through it and with alot of prayer, I will harbor no ill will. However, it hurts when avoiding conflict basically boils down to avoiding me.

Put one foot in front of the other and keep moving. God will teach me lessons and those lessons will make me a stronger, better person.

Father God,
Forgive me my many shortcomings which are selfishness and rudeness + so many more this week. Prune me so that I may bear fruit, but please not all my branches at once!!

Tooth-less...

We are down one tooth and up one "fairy dusted" dollar and some coinage. I would show you a grin with a gaping hole in it, but blogger isn't allowing me to post pics right now. This is Lilly's first lost tooth and boy is she proud!! She has been working on this tooth for well over a month. As is typical of loose teeth, it was ready to come out last night at church. It is no fun to lose a tooth at home. Much better to get to church and then wiggle it with all you have hoping for bloodspill. She lost it just in time for class and she is still walking on air. Such a "big kid" thing, losing teeth.

I just wish it would have happened last year, as by this year there is much doubt about a tooth collecting fairy with large sacks of money. She is far too "smart" to believe in such as that. Erika tried really hard to encourage the myth to her, but she is a 6 year old cynic. I had hoped to keep her believing at least through the first one. She doesn't even call her dollar "fairy dusted". She calls it a dollar with glitter glued all over it. She is loving it and protecting it though! All of the girls have kept theirs. It is a tradition a friend shared with me because Erika was spending the night with her daughter when she lost her first tooth. She "blinged" it up for me to take as we were leaving and we hid it away. I hope it lives on through my grandkids because it is super-cool. Reason # 778 I love glitter.

We're playing basketball!

By we, I certainly don't mean me. Some fellas at our church have become a part of a local men's basketball league. Nearly the whole church (slight exaggeration) turned out to support them. It was so much fun! They are not spring chickens but they are still in good shape and they played very well together. Good teamwork. At first we were not gonna go because the game did not start until 8:30. ARGHHH!! Our bedtime in these parts is 8PM, so it was a stretch. I'm glad we stretched. It was more fun than a barrel of monkeys. The fouls had me nearly falling off my seat laughing. We did the wave. The other team had one spectator. I guess we waved once too often though, cause she left before half-time. It might have been the time though considering she had a baby and what looked to be a kindergardener. Our bleachers were full. And happy. I won't report the score-our team played awesome and that's what really counts. It was very close. GO FOG!

If you brag online about your kids cooking, it won't end well. I'm just sayin'.

Planning

Upon joining co-op, I was dismayed to find that I had to plan a syllabus for the year. I thought it was ridiculous. It was also very time-consuming as I had to sit down with the textbook and plan the year out. I had to decide which topics would have to be left out, how long we would spend on them, etc. Harder than pulling my own teeth. One class I could not do as it was grammar/writing. I could only plan five weeks for that class because I did not know the skill level of the kids I would be teaching.

Fast forward 10 weeks. I not only love my syllabus but I marvel at how much time it saves me to pull up that document and tweak it, print it, and I'm done. I LOVE IT! The class without a syllabus is harder because I still haven't made a long term one. Planning is good. Planning makes life easier.

Yesterday, I did sit down and write up a menu for the rest of this week. IT ROCKS! Already, the hubby and kids are looking at it and ASKING TO HELP. Oh my! A fringe benefit I had not expected. Cream of wheat is cooking and I had nothing to do with it.

Today, I will try this whole planning thing on household chores. It is important to point out that I used to read FLYLADY on a regular basis. It did not help me because it was too much, too much change too quick. I am seeing the wisdom of slow changes. They last. Now I am ready to plan more and do more. Better late than never.

I am hoping the hubs and I can get back to budgeting. Dave Ramsey has helped us alot-but again there is the too much change too quick thing. We will NEVER have "gazelle-like intensity". We do manage "lazy housecat intensity" and that will have to do!

So, I now consider myself a planner. I love it and it is worth it. This is added to the growing collection of ways co-op has changed my life for good. Go Sandy!

Lest I forget!!!

I must brag on my hunka hunka burnin' love. He heard a leak. Not a drip drip, but water running somewhere. I did not give it a thought, or listen as the case may be. He came home after a long day at work and crawled under the house to diagnose, found it and made a parts list. Then he came back out, took Lilly to her piano lessons, and went to Lowes for the parts. He came home and while I made sure everyone got off to sleepyland, he crawled back under and fixed the leak. AND. IT. WAS. DONE.

He is handsome, thoughtful, easygoing AND A TASKMASTER. I love you, Erik.

Cook Fest!

Saturday night I had a cook fest. I made a couple of lunch meals for a family introducing #3 into the world and froze them. (I also begged a teen that lives near them to deliver them for me last night and he happily agreed.) I made some soup for my mom without sodium that I will deliver sometime this week. I made homemade potato salad for care group and I also made some stew for tonight's meal at our humble abode. I started this day without the weight of supper on my shoulders and I have accomplished alot while the stew is heating up in a crock-pot.

I love to cook. I just hate to cook under pressure. I'm no "pressure cooker". Cooking is a balm for me. It takes my mind off eating(believe it or not) and is a big stress buster. I love to go into my kitchen and just create. I am going to sit down at some point today and plan our meals for the month. If I can lift the burden of last minute crazy prep for supper, it will relieve alot of stress for me.

I am steadily working through laundry today in conjunction with school. I am also "feasting on the word" listening to the Bible on CD. It is a good day.

And She's Off!

The pity pot, that is. Hopefully, not to hop back on tomorrow. I took a nap today which made me worthless for anything else. I thought it would give me energy to accomplish alot tonight. Not so. I am now going to bed after an official and complete day of rest. I needed it and I refuse to feel any guilt whatsoever. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Flushing...now.

Quote of the day:

"It's all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are done."

I just don't know what to do with myself.

I had a girl's night out last night that was a wonderful thing. We laughed and ate cake (yes, I did kick the food addiction thing to the curb for the night). We shared stories not fit for children. We pretended we were all gonna scrapbook, but no one did. I left at midnight and counted it all glorious fellowship. It was.

However, today I wake up and my guilt hits me like a ton of bricks. Here are my guilt inducers:

1. I am still behind on housework. I am always behind on housework and the motivation to do better does not exist.
2. I am praying for mercies on the food thing all day and yet I turn into a puddle of ooze when in the presence of chocolate cake and have two pieces. It could also be toast or noodles or mashed potatoes-any food will do.
3. I am mostly mean and overwhelmed with life.
4. The fact that my kids fight all the time is turning me into a full-time referee and I did not sign on for that job. Referee=all conflict is your fault and no body really appreciates the work you do.
5. Sometimes it seems like everyone has a wonderful Christian homelife but me. Everyone is a better mom and wife. The sin of comparison is alive and well.

So all of these five things torment me. Number 3 is the main one. I am a different person outside the confines of my home. Why is that? I have joy and perspective outside these walls-but it fades once I come home. The pressures and responsibilities of being a wife and mom just kick my butt. I love my family and feel so blessed to be home with them, so how can that possibly be? Number five then haunts me. Numbers 1 and 2 kick in and make me feel totally incompetent. Number 4 will then take over all current dominant thought and make me wonder why I crawled out of bed.

So now that I have all of that confessed, I am going to take a shower and do some productive things. Then I will tell myself that I am good enough, smart enough and doggone it, people like me. (Stuart Smalley helps me cope.)

I am the daughter of a king, act like it all ready. God has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. Put one foot in front of the other and move.

Oh my!! Fall yard sales rock. It isn't hot and people seem to be really happy to be unloading their crap from their house. Here are a few of the bargains we snagged:

• another softball glove (I think we all have one now!)
• a new bike helmet for Lilly (Hers disappeared when the girls started playing the"ride in the wagon down the hill while wearing helmets" game.)
• 3 shirts for me (very nice sweaters)
• 3 cool pairs of jeans for Kayla for next year. They are about 3 inches too long but for a quarter a pair, I am willing to gamble! (size 1-can this be my child?)
• a black wrought iron basket
• disposable foil pans with lids
• backpack for Lilly
• wig with wig head holder
• hair flat iron
• new pretty quilted tote bag
• kick ball
• projector
• craft sewing books
• insect guide
• junie b jones books
• about 6 pair jeans for a friend
• 3 prs shoes (sketchers, cool mules, and flip flops)
• dog tie out with chain
• embroidery hoops
• a puzzle

The best thing of all though??!!! A former homeschool mom loaned us Bible time costumes that will be perfect for the Passover Seder that our co-op is doing. I have been fretting this big time ever since I found out. Now I can breathe easy knowing we all have costumes.

I love a productive shopping day. We spent approximately $25 on all of the above. The jeans alone would have been over $200 new.

I'm tired

Which means, random and odd.

• My cat is now ready to be fixed. Her babies are gone, her milk dried up. Now taking bets on whether I can get her butt to the vet before she gets her butt outside. Let the games begin.
• My new club has become the stuff dreams are made of, nightmares that is. Apparently the devil doesn't like Christian clubs so he is trying with all his might to destroy this one. It has been one conflict after another and reminds me of that time I worked in a business office full of women. We affectionately call it the HELL year. The difference, of course, is that the keepers club women are all wonderful. We just aren't meshing and it makes me sad. We seem to all have a difference of opinion on the direction we should go in. AND, we are all right.
• Co-op has a week off and it comes at a good time. I bet co-op wasn't much fun in its early years and I am so thankful to be a part of something already established!! WOOHOO! Thanks Sandy for letting me in!!
• Pioneer woman has a wonderful saga all about how she met her husband and it is fabulosa. The segments are too short and they drive me crazy, but I am hooked completely by "Black Heels to Tractor Wheels".
• My knee is healing nicely and all the boys in my class were impressed with my battle scar. The chiropractor has Erik lined back up at last. Estes brothers rock!
• Bible Study this morning and I haven't done one drop of it. I have done my Setting Captives Free Bible study though. It is all about overcoming food addictions. Hopefully my shrinking body will indicate how that is going.
• AND now in the too much information segment, and endorsement. K-Y liquid is the stuff dreams are made of. Wonderful passionate dreams.

Fight With A Bear

I peeked out of the tent to investigate the noises I had heard. I have never been a wife who could wait for her husband to check out the noise. Mostly because noises have to be pretty extreme to stir hubby. So there I was peeking out of the tent, just my face and my knee poking out of the zipper door. I froze. A bear was rifling through our trash. Unfortunately for me, his hearing was as keen as mine. He was on full alert. Toby and Erik were both snoring loudly. My protectors. My mouth was full of cotton and my brain unable to formulate words. Thankfully the girls were locked safely in the van and all sound asleep. The bear's eyes met mine and he began to amble over to me. I was frozen. He gave a low rumbling growl and grabbed my knee with his paw. I stared in amazement at how sharp his claws were. As he made contact with my knee, I lost touch with reality.

Next thing I knew, I had fallen out of the door of the tent and a wounded bear was running quickly away from our camp with a barking Toby hot on his heels. Erik had awakened and punched the bear right in the nose with all the might that a former football lineman could muster. This was enough might to cause the bear to reel back on unsteady legs. Then Toby forced that bear to sure up his stance and flee our campsite. Apparently he was not hungry enough for a fight.

The bear claw left quite a "grizzly" wound on my knee, but we consider ourselves blessed that this was the only damage and that the bear was a small one.

*****Disclaimer*****

This story is so much better than what really happened which is that I slipped down on one knee on a slight incline of loose gravel. The only "bear" in the real story was the one Lilly brought to sleep with. So far, there are not bears in Kentucky. They are still respecting the Tn/Ky border.

Toby was involved as I was holding his leash at the time. My wound cancelled our hike through the woods as my knee was swollen and hurt too much to step across the ravines-I did try. I love to hike through the woods more than anything! Erik loves this particular hike because there is a cemetary. We settled instead for a hike through the camp, paved flat roads, not nearly as much fun. It is definitely a real pain in the knee. I am not very wimpy, but it is a bad place to get an injury since knees have to bend and all.

When we arrived back home, Erik wrenched his back as he was unloading the bikes off of the trailer. He is miserable-much more pain in that than my knee is causing. We're much too young to feel this **** old.

Fall camping!

We went camping! Primitively, as in tent camping, at a campsite with bathhouses. It was an entire day of packing Saturday while hubby was at work and then we set out shortly after he got home. We could not have squeezed any more into the van if our lives depended on it. My comforting thought was that we would come home with less. Lots of food would be consumed and the coolers would not be so heavy.

Toby went along with us and while I know he loved it, next time he gets the kennel. He was a great camper, but there were complications with him. Toby loves to bike ride and I was the one that got to stay back with him or walk him behind the riders. He wimpered and cried the whole time. He went on one bike ride with us but we got in trouble because he was off his leash to do so. I understand the rule. I just think Toby is such an exceptional dog, he could totally be leash free and he would make lots of friends, as long as no one steps on our campsite. He was very protective of the campsite.(second drawback) We also did not get to take advantage of some of the free programs offered this weekend.(huge bummer for me, "YEAH TOBY" from Erik).

We did go to the "rock place" we visited last week. It was equally fun this visit. Fairy houses and boats were made. Crawfish unearthed. Pictures made. Erik napped. I birdwatched. Rocks were climbed on. Fish skulls were crunched.(Toby) Toby swam and ran free. He ran like crazy and pooped on the boat launch. He also made friends with a biker couple and scored some chicken livers. He then decided to be their dog forever and would not come to us. In fact, he crawled under their table and would not even look at us, hoping we would grow weary and leave him to his new family. The biker lady helped me by luring him out with a ghastly fried poultry organ so I could put him back on the leash. He hung his head in mourning.

We camped 2 nights and two days and we headed homeward after breakfast this morning. This gave us time to take care of business like ebay auctions, paying for a youth trip, and a chiropractor trip for Erik(the joys of camping).

Hope you enjoyed your Columbus day long weekend as much as we did!

We are going on a type of outing that we have not done for many years. We may have forgotten how. Time will tell, but it is sure to be good blog fodder. See ya in the funny papers.

On Blogging

Obviously, I love blogging. (yeah it is a cool shirt, click on it, order one and maybe Kerflop/Verymom will send me one free!) It is the only journal I have ever been able to keep. I have had prayer journals. I am good at those for a bit and then I misplace them. I quit looking for it and then I find it months later, which is very interesting-seeing God answer prayers that way. We may forget, but he doesn't. I have also kept regular journals, but wrote such nasty hate spew that they were usually shredded the next day. It isn't good to allow yourself to hate-spew, it sort of feeds a real bad fire. Gives the devil quite a little foothold. So blogging has remained a consistent, almost daily way to "know" me. ( that helps me "know" me better too)


I blog mostly for posterity, a heritage to pass on to my daughters. Someday they will be in shoes similar to mine and I hope I say something on here that either A) Defends my parenting in some way OR B) Helps them to be a better parent OR C) Allows them to pinpoint where their insanity came from.


Mostly, blogging has enhanced my friendships. The friends I have that read this blog understand janjanmom better than if there were no blog. Hubby "gets" me better than he used to. Some people probably dislike me more than they used to as well. All the relationships involved deepen a bit.


This brings me to the disadvantage. I have a few aquaintances who read my blog that do not have a blog that I know about, or they don't have one at all. This is very awkward at times. If they are a regular reader, there really is no need to ask me anything about how I am, my life is pretty much an "open blog"(hee hee). This is sort of like being n*ked in a room full of people wearing snowsuits. Everyone sees your all, while they reveal nothing. This is somewhat uncomfortable. Even worse when I don't know they read but they casually mention "reading it on my blog". Don't get me wrong, it is a PUBLIC blog with all that entails. I haven't blocked anyone from reading it. I welcome everyone to read my innermost thoughts, concerns, insecurities and defects of character. (A comment wouldn't hurt though, you big lurker!)I guess any hope of a political career is over.


I suppose I must be crazy, all posts seem to support it. However, I am more in touch with what I think and feel than I have ever been. I also can look up things in my archives, like where we went for pumpkins and the exact dates of vacations. Blogging works for me. I am even getting used to the "n*ked-ness" of my life.

A little better...

Sometimes I feel like maybe I am too hard on myself, but most of the time I feel like I am a slacker. I think if I did all the things that I am supposed to do well, then I would be wonderfully happy. I think as much as I hate it, I have bought into the superwoman myth. The myth that says I will rise up at 4am and do my Bible study, bake bread for my family, prep for the three upcoming meals and a couple of healthy snacks, have a productive school morning and then a fun afternoon of crafts, experiments and physical activities. I laugh out loud when I read that "to do" list, but it is still the model that I try to piece together. Like maybe I get up at 8 and feel desperately behind and frustrated that I missed my Bible time and skip right on to food prep while yelling at the kids to get going on school. Not only am I failing, but I am making my kids feel like they are too. It is insane and I must stop it.

The perfectionist in my head that I can never live up to is turning me into a sloth that does not even want to try. I know I will fail and can't face that again.

How did you kill the perfectionist in your head? If she lives, did you give her an attitude adjustment? I do still have a can of whoop-a$$, maybe I should open it.

A Vortex

There is a huge vortex, think bathtub drain, that is my life. I am surrounded by blessings-great husband, great kids, lots of wonderful "real" friends, great pets, the ability to stay home and home educate my children, the love of cooking, a nice sized house and perfect yard and a relationship with Jesus. However, instead of my tub getting filled with blessings, the blessings get sucked into the vortex and keep "going down the drain". I can't shake the fact that time is slipping by and I am missing all the important stuff because I am focused on the unimportant stuff.

I had a breakdown at my Bible study today. It was on submission, kindness, being loving, being affirming and being agreeable. I felt all wrong, judged and guilty. It wasn't the usual "good" conviction either. It is more the I am screwing up in all the bigs ways and I am not sure how to get back on track. I know these are only "feelings" and are not to be trusted. I just feel like such a colossal failure lately. Share your best "feel better" tip and pray for me!

Go pee first!!

Nah, it is not THAT funny, but it is very true and funny. Just not in a pee on yourself way.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anSpBUxsgAU

I took a friend with me to the homeschool support group meeting last night. We were good friends about 15 years ago when each of us was on a different path. We have been walking a sort of parallel path since then, making our way back to God. It was very interesting to compare our walks. And it was a blessing. Our paths crossed again at the fund-raiser yard sale my club had, and I just can't shake the fact that God had something to do with it.

She stretches me. She believes things that are beyond my scope of understanding. She is real and credible. I don't know what to do with it. God does things in His time, in His way. I do know the meeting and the visit have both encouraged me to "clean up" my act a little. I've gotten a little lazy in my walk and in my school. God sent me a friend and a meeting to spur me on.

Thank you God for the blessings you provide, you know what we need before we ask and you provide it just at the right time.

God IS Faithful!

*edited version*

Now, this is not a news flash for anyone. A record of it exists all through the old and new testaments. However, if you are like me, sometimes you doubt a bit. There have been many times when I have seriously doubted that he would care about something that seemed to be a preference of mine. My specific example is my church. It has been driving me crazy that we were so skewed in the worker department. I can't tell you how many times I told God, "We can't keep this up! We need more workers!" I have just been so frustrated and annoyed so often. Then I would tell God, "I can't be loving, I need help!!" I prayed many times for forgiveness for being so resentful.

So now we have had a major growth spurt in our church. It seems like all of the sudden-BOOM, we grew. This is not typical church growth, as these are not lost people coming to know the Lord or this post would have alot more exclamation points. This is a few people from some surrounding churches who are wanting to serve more and love more which hopefully WILL lead to more lost people coming to know the Lord. I am very pleased and sorry to have been impatient with God, because as always, His timing is perfect.

I am renewed and loving our new "body" parts. This church, which I first attended 13 years ago is nothing like the church I am a part of now. God has brought the changes about very slowly and really blessed those of us who have been through the YUK! of a split. I feel a sense of family I would not have if I had not seen the changes happen(or maybe I would, our new members seem pretty happy!). Now, I did say family, so that doesn't mean perfect or always wonderful. It does mean lots of people working together and loving one another through the tough stuff of life.

God has been very faithful to an outspoken 20 something girl with very "charismatic" leanings who found herself joining a Church of Christ. The church and the girl have been through enormous life-changing things and both are fitting into God's will more and more every day.

Praise you God for always being faithful. I believe, help me overcome my unbelief!!