Saturday, October 13, 2007

I just don't know what to do with myself.

I had a girl's night out last night that was a wonderful thing. We laughed and ate cake (yes, I did kick the food addiction thing to the curb for the night). We shared stories not fit for children. We pretended we were all gonna scrapbook, but no one did. I left at midnight and counted it all glorious fellowship. It was.

However, today I wake up and my guilt hits me like a ton of bricks. Here are my guilt inducers:
  1. I am still behind on housework. I am always behind on housework and the motivation to do better does not exist.
  2. I am praying for mercies on the food thing all day and yet I turn into a puddle of ooze when in the presence of chocolate cake and have two pieces. It could also be toast or noodles or mashed potatoes-any food will do.
  3. I am mostly mean and overwhelmed with life.
  4. The fact that my kids fight all the time is turning me into a full-time referee and I did not sign on for that job. Referee=all conflict is your fault and no body really appreciates the work you do.
  5. Sometimes it seems like everyone has a wonderful Christian homelife but me. Everyone is a better mom and wife. The sin of comparison is alive and well.

So all of these five things torment me. Number 3 is the main one. I am a different person outside the confines of my home. Why is that? I have joy and perspective outside these walls-but it fades once I come home. The pressures and responsibilities of being a wife and mom just kick my butt. I love my family and feel so blessed to be home with them, so how can that possibly be? Number five then haunts me. Numbers 1 and 2 kick in and make me feel totally incompetent. Number 4 will then take over all current dominant thought and make me wonder why I crawled out of bed.

So now that I have all of that confessed, I am going to take a shower and do some productive things. Then I will tell myself that I am good enough, smart enough and doggone it, people like me. (Stuart Smalley helps me cope.)

I am the daughter of a king, act like it all ready. God has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. Put one foot in front of the other and move.


Anonymous said...

God does still pursue us, inspite of our challenges throughout the day, and life. His love is everylasting and His mercy is new every morning.

thruchildeyes said...

I am right there with you. #1, 2, and 5 are biggies for me, too.

Jen, Fred, Jennifer or Mom said...

I think we are twins......