Saturday, October 13, 2007

I just don't know what to do with myself.

I had a girl's night out last night that was a wonderful thing. We laughed and ate cake (yes, I did kick the food addiction thing to the curb for the night). We shared stories not fit for children. We pretended we were all gonna scrapbook, but no one did. I left at midnight and counted it all glorious fellowship. It was.

However, today I wake up and my guilt hits me like a ton of bricks. Here are my guilt inducers:
  1. I am still behind on housework. I am always behind on housework and the motivation to do better does not exist.
  2. I am praying for mercies on the food thing all day and yet I turn into a puddle of ooze when in the presence of chocolate cake and have two pieces. It could also be toast or noodles or mashed potatoes-any food will do.
  3. I am mostly mean and overwhelmed with life.
  4. The fact that my kids fight all the time is turning me into a full-time referee and I did not sign on for that job. Referee=all conflict is your fault and no body really appreciates the work you do.
  5. Sometimes it seems like everyone has a wonderful Christian homelife but me. Everyone is a better mom and wife. The sin of comparison is alive and well.

So all of these five things torment me. Number 3 is the main one. I am a different person outside the confines of my home. Why is that? I have joy and perspective outside these walls-but it fades once I come home. The pressures and responsibilities of being a wife and mom just kick my butt. I love my family and feel so blessed to be home with them, so how can that possibly be? Number five then haunts me. Numbers 1 and 2 kick in and make me feel totally incompetent. Number 4 will then take over all current dominant thought and make me wonder why I crawled out of bed.

So now that I have all of that confessed, I am going to take a shower and do some productive things. Then I will tell myself that I am good enough, smart enough and doggone it, people like me. (Stuart Smalley helps me cope.)

I am the daughter of a king, act like it all ready. God has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. Put one foot in front of the other and move.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

God does still pursue us, inspite of our challenges throughout the day, and life. His love is everylasting and His mercy is new every morning.

thruchildeyes said...

I am right there with you. #1, 2, and 5 are biggies for me, too.

Jen, Fred, Jennifer or Mom said...

I think we are twins......