Don't read this post, as I am annoying, negative and spoiled!!

Really, read no further!! I have already hurt a good friend's feelings today with my biting sarcasm. I am not in good spirits today. I have been praying about it all day but I still feel unease. I am, in a word, lonely. It is hard for me to imagine that I feel that way because I have so many friends and know so many people-but it is true. I am a people person, social to the max. In almost every group of people we are in, we are welcomed and accepted, but we don't quite fit in anywhere we go. The hardest one is church. We don't fit in at church. I hate that even more in print than I do in life. I have prayed about it so often and it isn't that we don't have friends-we do. We even have fellowship, just not like I want it. If people my age at our church fellowship, we are not included. People older than us do and they are close. People younger than us do and they are close. We, as a family, just don't fit. The one time we really bonded with another family, they changed churches. We are still very close with them and our families are bonded. I guess I should be thankful for that, but I want more. I want close friendships and fun social stuff. It is all around us at church and we don't fit into it-youth, seniors, young adults, young couples. We have churchwide things too and I love them, as a matter of fact one is coming up and I am just sick that we have a conflict. It is probably just the night I need to make it all go away.

Maybe I am in the temptor's snare. Or on the pity pot. Maybe I just miss Erik and hated spending Sunday alone with the kids. I am glad he got to go see baseball with his Dad. I know they have had a fun day. I had a fun day too. The girls and I went to our church for Sunday school and a little bit of church and then we went to the church I grew up in with my Mom. I really enjoyed going there, it is amazing how the people have changed(some of the old people died and kids grew up and had kids of their own) but yet it is still the same. It could maybe hold 80 people at the most and it was close today. Very small and very friendly. A family. All through the service people are talked to and they answer back. ("What do you think about that song Miss Cassie?", "I say Hallelujah Brother Dobbs!") Very casual. Maybe that is what I miss. That church was so small, everyone was always included in every activity and everyone came. Church was your life and your life was church.

Maybe I am just a spoiled brat. I want it "my way" with extra cheese.

God have mercy on my spoiled brattiness. Change my heart, Lord. Let me know why lately I am so uncomfortable and uneasy in my life. Help me know what direction I am to go OR help me wait it out with patience if that is what I am supposed to do. Help me fall in love with you and take away my desires for more earthly friends when I have you and that is all I need.

As for the rest of you, well I told you not to read this. My apologies.

Fall is coming!!

With fall come many things I dearly love: apples, leaves changing colors, cooler weather, sweatshirts, hayrides, and oh so many more. I love spring because of the summer it begins but I love fall because of all of the above and more.

We went yard-saling today and since we were driving all over creation anyway, we finished off our day at Mathis apple orchard on HWY 131 between Mayfield and Paducah. As soon as we walked up, the lady said, "Would you like an apple?" YES!! We all had an apple, she even peeled for Lilly and Erika. Then we picked out all the varieties we wanted to buy, got some end of the season corn and some fresh made apple cider. I am soooo energized now. Apples must have that same chemical that chocolate has.

(mmmm! chocolate covered apples)

I talked to them about a possible homeschool field trip. It would be awesome. All of the varieties of apples don't come in until mid to late September though so I will see about getting a small group together closer to the end of the month maybe.

I have decided to pare back my life. There is much soul searching going on accompanied with prayers. There are things I am doing now that really take away from my family(my sanity!) and don't really seem like where God wants me. Help me pray and join me in paring back your life as well!! Post a comment if you want prayers.

Thank you my sisters for being my makeshift "yada yada" prayer group. I love praying for you as well as knowing you are praying for me!

I've been tagged by Susie. Glad you posted Susie, enjoy your weekend!!

1. One book that changed my life...
The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger (I think it should be required reading for all married women!!)

2. One book I have read more than once... See above...just kidding
I love The Island of the Blue Dolphins I recommended it to my daughter to read and read it right before I gave it to her to read and then we listened to it on audio in the van. Such a great story.

3. One book I would want on a desert island... The Clan of the Cave Bear or The Island of the Blue Dolphins would be good reading and also a survivor manual sort of.

4. One book that made me laugh... Any Erma Bombeck-she was and her work still is great. Cheaper by the Dozen is a great read too!! We listened to it in the van(audiobook) and it is NOTHING like the movie. There are some spots of bad language but the overall theme of the book is great, funny and I loved it!

5. One book that made me cry... The Yada Yada Prayer Group series made me laugh and cry. I saw so much of myself in that main character, sometimes I thought it was about me!! I also cried during the Dr. Laura book because of the lies we are sold by this culture we live in.

6. One book I wish had been written... I've always wanted to write a book.

7. One book I wish had never been written... There are a whole lot of witchcraft books geared to children-how to harness the powers of the dark and I wish they did not exist!! I wish my daughter did not love fairies and Harry Potter so much and then I would not know such evil how-to books existed. There is also a bunch of teen porn/smut novels available now-a-days and that makes me sad too.

8. One book I am currently reading... I am sort of focused on trying to get into the Bible right now so I am avoiding starting a new book (and the library!)


9. One book I've been meaning to read... Too numerous to mention!! The Bible is probably tops for me right now!!

Late to bed, early to rise...

I got up early again today and guess what!!??? My kids are gettig up earlier too. They are so excited to go ahead and get up and Mom already be up. I can't win. I think 7 is the earliest I can do when I go to bed at midnight. I think if I got up at 5, there would be a child looking at me saying, "cool Mom-it is just us!!" I think I dreamed of being this popular once upon a time.

Yesterday was a mommy day from hell that ended up being okay but at one point, putting my child into foster care and checking into an insane asylum were very real possibilities. I hope to not have a day like that again. EVAH!!

I started a new Bible study last night-the Beth Moore Daniel study. Maybe it is the topic, but I am so excited. I came home and couldn't wait to do my homework. I hope that continues to be the way I feel because I am notorious for keeping a blank book. This just seems like a really relevant study with the things I am battling right now.

Today is my lovely yearly Dr. appt. I like to diet a couple of weeks before I go usually so it is not such a shock when I weigh. Alas, I have forgotten to do that so it will be so fun to see how fat I am. Scales, gotta love 'em.

Annoyingly mundane...

Yesterday I finally went to the grocery. A long overdue trip. I have a new love for Kroger. They have good sales and in-store coupons. I got waffles for 45 cents, frozen orange juice concentrate for 45 cents and frozen veggies for 45 cents each. All these item were on sale for $1, which was a great deal but then they had a 55 cents off coupon on their door, so that made it even better. Kayla was with me and she was amazed (as was I) how cheap things were. Diet cokes were on sale too-$2.50 a 12-pack. Pepsi products were on sale last time so I bought pepsi products and may I say pepsi one tastes like "no.2" but I love fizz and try to keep my habit cheap.

Anyway, Kayla and I had good one-on-one time. Much needed. I have started reading with Lilly before bed. Again, much needed one-on-one time. (Don't miss that-She is reading!! I am so proud and it is only short vowel words but she reads me her books before bed and I think it is awesome!!) Erika and I of course have the mornings as she is a very early riser and comes and talks to me (sleeps/snuggles). The hardest part of having three is finding time with each one through the day. Most days it does not happen. I am trying to do it on purpose more often. I am also trying to start getting up before my kids which is no small task for a night owl that loves to sleep in.

Erik and I had a bit of a fight last night about how he can ask about school without sounding so negative. I hope we can come up with a way for him to hold me accountable and ask about school without sounding so ogre-ish..."Did you do school today?" This sounds to me like the assumption is that we did not which really makes my blood boil. Pray for us as we try to reach a happy compromise. Tips would be great. I need the accountability of him asking and checking up on me-but not the "accusation" of not doing school.

Sorry so mundane...I warned you.

I won, I won!!

I won dominoes last night. This is a first for me. Since our friends Ken and Debbie introduced us to the game, we have played many times-mostly with our kids. I am not very good. I usually end up with amazingly high round scores. Last night, however, we played with Mike and Sara and I managed to pull off a win. Now this was an abbreviated game because Sara needs her ZZ's but stopping when we did got me a win. YAY! It was a nice visit. Erik and I have decided we need to have people over more. I was gonna wait until we got the house nice and tidy-but that may never happen so we are moving ahead.

Erik is off today so our schedule is already altered but we love it when he is home with us. The girls just beam. Today is Erik's Mom's birthday so we have a visit in our future.

Thanks so much for all of your nice comments on my major accomplishment. Anyone can comment by the way, I have it so even if you don't have a blog you can still comment so you have no excuse Heather!! In answer to your question Sandy, yes I did it many times and the next day...no nose plugs but I did hold my nose. It is fun and really the funnest, quickest way to get in the pool. I think, at age 34, I may have conquered a lifelong fear. WOW!

We got our homeschool yearbook yesterday and it looks great. We do it scrapbook style which makes it very interesting. Each family gets a two-page spread to tell about their school year. Neato-burrito. Mine looked better in color but it was still cute. This year I am hoping to remember to take pictures as we go along of school stuff. We did not have a single field trip picture in our pages. Bad bad reporting of our year. We did make it into some other people's pages so that was nice.

Well I'm off to take on an interesting schedule day.

Back and almost well!

We are back from our journey to Aurora. It was great fun and now we are non-contagious, everyone has crusted over. I will have to do the math and see about quarantining Erika. It is not going to be as easy with her, because unlike the others, I have no idea when she was exposed or even if she will get them again. I will do the best I can. Anyway, I wrote this blog entry at Aurora, the dark ages, so I am posting it today.

I was a little girl, about 8 or 9. I was sitting at the deep end of the pool with my feet dangling in the pool. It was some sort of holiday because my Uncle Vernon and his son Jeff were at an Illinois State Park at a pool picnicing and hanging with my Dad, his wife-at-the-time Jean(#2 of 3), my sister, Linda & me. We had just been swimming and chatting. My sister came up behind me to scare me and tapped just a little too hard. I went off the deep end (pun intended!). She and Jeff waited for me to bob right up but I did not. I recall thinking how hard it was to scream underwater. No telling how much water I took in. Thankfully, at some point my cousin realized I was not coming up and he jumped in, swam me up and put me on the side of the pool. My saviour for the day. I don't think Linda even got into trouble because she looked so scared to death. Of course we dreamed of killing each other and often tried-but for real was a whole other thing. So intensified my already rampant fear of water.

I did finally learn to swim a little at Camp Currie and then many summers of FFA camp made me a stronger swimmer, but I never jumped in or got water on my face if I was in deep water. I could do all sorts of tricks as long as I could touch. In deep water I just swam or floated.

When we first got our boat from Erik's uncle, my biggest hope was that I would not pass my water terror to my children. We also got an easy-set pool in our backyard. We watched our kids go from terrified, to a little more confident with floaties or a lifejacket, to fish with nothing in shallow water. It has all been very gradual and very scary for me. For the last 3 summers, they have jumped off the boat with life jackets on as often as Dad would stop the boat and let them. Last summer, after much prayer and staring into the water, I finally joined them and was able to jump off the boat as well. LIFE JACKET of course!! Not something I did alot and this summer I have done it a little more than last. Slowly, I am feeling a little more comfortable and confident.

Today, at our "resort" in Aurora, I got to watch my girls jump into the deep end of the pool without life jackets for the first time. I thought my heart would explode waiting for them to come up and yet I knew they could and were very strong swimmers. Erika went first, did great and then it was Kayla's turn. Of course Kayla made the deal that if she jumped in, she would get to keep Tabby-the only remaining kitten. Then she jumped in and swam great as well. Lilly is not there yet, maybe next year. I told the girls how proud I was, that they had just done something I had never done-jumped in the deep end. I never really even wanted too. I would climb into the deep end via the ladder and that was fine with me.

Erik said, "You could,you just won't." I don't guess I had ever thought of it that way and it occurred to me he was right. I am a strong swimmer just like the girls. I just never really got over that deep-rooted fear of water. So after many assurances from Erik that he could save me if I didn't come up and many emergency plans laid-just in case-I donned the girls nose plugs and I JUMPED IN!!

I shared a milestone with my girls and I am proud of all of us!

Double your pleasure, double your fun...

...when two have chickenpox instead of one. Kayla decided the 30 chickenpox she had at two was not enough to count and decided to get them again. Erika only had 10 when she was three-but has decided for now not to join the pox bandwagon. We got medicine from Dr. Telle to make the duration and intensity less. The medicine has to be taken within 24 hours of the first pock so I think we are doing good. Scalp is the first place to start getting them.

Now I will participate in a meme that I got from Sandy because I know you are sick of the chicken pox!!


1) ONE HOMESCHOOLING BOOK YOU HAVE ENJOYED

I read a few books when I first got started, but none of them really inspired me. Soooo, the best inspiration for me comes from this website and I will call that my "book" for today.

2) ONE RESOURCE YOU WOULDN’T BE WITHOUT

The library. We live and breathe the library. Especially now that I am in declutter mode. I love that we get the books, borrow them & take them back. NO CLUTTER! AWESOME!! We also listen to many, many books on CD that would cost $30-50 a pop if we had to buy them.

3) ONE RESOURCE YOU WISH YOU HAD NEVER BOUGHT

To narrow it down to one is very hard. I bought everything remotely "schoolish-looking" at yard sales for a whole summer. (And a few on ebay!) That resulted in a whole bunch of crap that has been sold and shared. If I have to say just one, it would be Abeka math. I hated it and so did the kids. NOW, all purchases are thoroughly researched and gone over with friends(who use it) before being made. I am very happy with this year's selections.

4) ONE RESOURCE YOU ENJOYED LAST YEAR

The Prairie Primer. A friend at church loaned it to me and we have used it both exclusively and as a supplement. We will finish it this semester hopefully and it has taught us more than any other single item!


5) ONE RESOURCE YOU WILL BE USING THIS YEAR

My friend Eve turned me on to the most painless style of record keeping in the world-a spiral bound notebook. It is so simple it works. Just the date, which kid, and subjects along with page numbers and grades. I am so keeping track, really!! Loving it.

Also PATCH, our homeschool group. Don't know where I would be without my friends!!

6) ONE RESOURCE YOU WOULD LIKE TO BUY

Some built-in floor-to-ceiling bookshelves in my dining room with one of those cool bench things with storage underneath right smack in the middle. Other than that, I think we have bought all my "dream" books for this year.

7) ONE RESOURCE YOU WISH EXISTED

Rosie the Maid from "The Jetsons".

Or self-grading papers. (These are Sandy's but I totally agree!)

8) ONE HOMESCHOOL CATALOG YOU ENJOY READING

Rainbow Resource is the most thorough. Honestly though, I hate all of the catalogs. They hype the product and make it sound so good and then you get it and think-oh I didn't need that!!

9) ONE HOMESCHOOLING WEBSITE YOU USE REGULARLY

I guess blogs, mine as well as other homeschoolers. My blog helps me vent frustrations. Other people's have allowed me to cut myself some slack and realize there is no "perfect" day or way to homeschool. Also Lisa Whelchel, Blair Warner from "The Facts of Life" (Some of you don't know what I am talking about!!) has an awesome website with great recommendations!!

10) YOUR TURN!

If you don't homeschool, tweak it somehow and make it work!!