Sunday, November 20, 2005


The last two weeks have been all about things coming to an end. My Bible Study ended, Erika's dance class ended, PAC (Paducah Athletic Club)PE has ended, Math Camp ended Friday (Friday went smooth and I had a great day!), Girl Scout regular meetings will end for Dec., and many other things that wrap it up until after the holidays. I am very glad life will slow down a little. I thought I had about run my butt off, but last time I checked-it was all still there..LOL. I hopefully am coming to the end of this cold as well. I have been so beat down it is a struggle to do stuff I really need to do around the house. I prefer to neglect my housework out of sheer stubborn-ness or laziness than to be to tired and weak to get it done. It has been quite a challenge.

I have not felt much like blogging either. I've written a few in my head but couldn't make myself sit down and type them up. This whole blogging thing has been very good for me. I like getting my thoughts out there and really thinking about things. I don't know everyone that is reading, but I know a few of you are and those of you that tell me serve as an encouragement that this isn't just wasted time, I am communicating with several of you all at once. I am a talker by is how God made me. Talking on here about things has made it a little easier to shut up some in other settings and that is always a blessing!! LOL!! I love words, written and spoken. I love talking about everything and nothing. Thanks for reading my thoughts!

A very grisly anniversary is coming up, my friend Beth Sturm was stabbed to death by her boyfriend on Thanksgiving last year. I still can't believe she is gone. She and I had been out of contact, as her life had taken a not-so-good turn. I have so many regrets where she is concerned. I feel like I turned my back on her when she needed me most. I think about that often. I met her when I was about 20 and my life was so completely screwed up that I still can't believe I made it out. She was such an anchor for me. She had her struggles, but she was an unwavering source of faith and God for me. She never judged even though I was doing everything I was big enough to do as far as trouble goes. She watched me come out of that, straighten up a little, and then I met Erik at her house when I was about 21 1/2. She could not believe we hit it off. She and her husband Pete were actually trying to fix Erik up with their neighbor and I just so happened by after work as I often did. She assured me Erik was a good guy, but she thought we would have to work through alot of issues and she was completely right. Even in all of that, she was kind, loving and non-judgmental. She was the perfect example of friend to me. She and Pete were the best man and matron of honor at our wedding. Their daughter Kirsten was our flower girl. It was a wonderful day and they were so wonderful to us. We did alot together those first few years. They were on a Christian path and we were not but they included us anyway. Always mentoring. When Beth started going through another bout of bipolar issues, I pretty much disappeared from the scene. I had never known that side of her and I just did not want to deal with it. It was too scary to watch someone I loved wreck her life. She did too. She and Pete had a second daughter and she was probably about 4 or five when She and Pete got a divorce. I know the whole family had been through hell together and it just got worse after that for Beth. She went on to have another daughter with another man and this daughter was about 4 I think when Beth was murdered. It is so hard to watch someone you know slip into a life that doesn't fit. If I could turn back time, I would get in there and try to talk her back. I would try to include her and help her get back on track the same way she patiently guided me. I hope and pray that there is some kind of curve that God grades on for those who are metally ill. Beth was the most gracious Christian I have ever known. She taught me all I know about hospitality and unconditional love. I owe her alot. I miss her alot. Please pray for her family as they go through the holidays. It will be hard this year as they remember all that has past.

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