Wednesday, November 09, 2005

OKAY~ NOW WHAT??? I prayed for God to send me someone to minister to and I have 4 people who have immediate needs. This always happens with me. Then I get depressed that the world is so horrible. I get overwhelmed that I am limited in time, money and skills(in that order). I get depressed again because I can't help everyone. I fantasize about what I can do someday. I tell myself I can teach my children how to serve by making them go with me...I really think about what I would be subjecting them to and the cycle repeats. Then I look around at my house and mount washmore, the paper clutter I need to conquer, and whatever project I am working on and I try to imagine how I could ever help anyone else. Then I tell myself I can't even help me much less anyone else. Then I get depressed again trying to figure out who can help these people that I know need it. I hate this merry-go-round.

I am going to just keep praying. Ordinarily, I give up and just accept all the aforementioned limitations. Lately though I detect a pattern and I think maybe this is a spiritual battle. I must first and foremost submit myself to God and trust that he will send me people that I am capable of helping. Perhaps the 4 people are just distractions to keep me from the person/persons God means for me to minister to. Pray for me. I want to be effective for him.

Social Studies fair tonight was so enjoyable. I really liked seeing everyone's kids doing their presentation. I just love our group, it is soooo diverse. My girls did very well. They worked as a team on their project and their presentation. Despite what they say and how they act, I know they are a team and are comforted by one another in many ways. I almost feel bad that I did not have a sister for Lilly to be closer in age to...ALMOST...she does have the joy of two older sisters. Going to bed now, tomorrow is stay-at-home day and after a day like today, I am looking forward to it!!

No comments: