I Didn't Want To Need You...

Thanks for thinking I'm funny. Let me be your clown. I think those nice comments (it's not too late to pipe in) and my good friend's TREE analogy are going to get me through the week. I would tell you the analogy-but it is better to have someone say it of me than to have me repeat it. Let's just say she compared me to a tree in a very lovely way and she now is my BFF. Just kidding-I don't have B FFs, just FFs. (More middle school speak for you.)

We hosted CARE group today and it was so wonderful to have ALL of our members present. (WELCOME HOME!!!!!) It was alot of fun and almost every crumb of food was eaten which makes me wish there had been more, but there was enough and that is really all we need, right?? IT was a VERY tough lesson today. We went around the group and said what we see each person's strengths and assets are. IT went down like this, sit in your spot while everyone says really nice things about you. I was so uncomfortable. I was wishing I were completely covered up with only a peep-hole to look out. Why am I like that? I can handle nice comments on here-but live and in person they just make me want to crawl under the nearest table. As I sat there and resisted the urge to say, "Hah! That shows how well you know me." to all the nice things everyone was saying, I realized if everyone there was bashing me, I think I would have felt more comfortable. How sad and pathetic is that??

I guess I better save up for another round of therapy.

True Confessions

Doesn't that sound so STEAMY? Well, build a bridge and get over it because they are not. I've had a leisurely day today because it is Saturday and they are supposed to be leisurely AND I feel like crap. I have the beginnings of a cold, or the end, it's going to be one of those years where I sport a cold all winter...COLDS are the new black, so I'm in style.

Confession #1

I think I am funny. I crack me up all the time. The only thing that keeps me from falling into a deep dark depression is my uncanny ability to be a total smart a$$. (Does making those dollar signs take away the sting of a bad word? Did you read it "ahhdollarsigndollarsign"-cause that's what I meant for you to read.) So anyway, other people have told me I am funny, quick-witted, etc. and I LIKE IT. I love to laugh-most often I love to laugh with a group of others. Even at my own expense. It is my favorite way to pass time. Do not draw attention to yourself in any way if you ever find yourself in the company of my 3 sisters and I. We tease and laugh until we are crying and then we laugh some more. IT is usually at each other's expense or someone else in the room-hence the aforementioned warning. In the past ten years, I have tried to reign it in a little because at times, my humor is very biting, scathing, and entirely WRONG. So I often only think it instead and then plead to God to forgive me for laughing and at least I did not say it aloud. I am funniest when I am heckling. I just can't help it. Listening to long speeches brings out the heckler in me. Even reading sometimes brings it out. Songs. Movies. Classes at church. I think this is why I enjoy the blogosphere soooooooo much. We bloggers are just hecklers and it is embraced! We love to "heckle" in the form of a comment. Comments are my favorite part of blogging. Now, I love a well-placed encouragement comment too. I love that you fellow bloggers always know which comment is called for. So today, leave me a comment if you think I am funny OR heckle me if you don't. I promise to laugh either way. In case I sidetracked you-the confession is that I think I am funny.

Confession #2

I know almost every word to every song on the HEART-BRIGADE album/CD (What do we call them now?) IT was actually my driving TAPE in the early 90's. I had a very bad-for-me boyfriend and so I took "I Didn't Want To Need You" totally to "heart"(heehee) and sang it loudly and with lots of emotion. ONLY WHEN I WAS ALONE IN MY CAR. (I do not have the gift of a purty voice, so I don't sing alot around other people. However, lately, I am belting out songs whenever I feel like it-much to the dismay of my children. Sometimes Erik and I sing together and he TRIES really hard to sing as badly as I do by using funny voices. He can really sing well-almost every "part"-so this is hilarious.) So anyway, this tape was one of my absolute favorites and when one of these songs comes on the radio-I am transported in time and have complete recall of every word. Of course, most of this tape is not very child friendly, but the song sticks in my head and plays until some other song becomes ingrained in my psyche. Now, most of the time, as you well know, I am talk-radio girl. In the car, I am audio-book girl OR AFR(American Family Radio) girl. (Hulagirl commercials are my favorite-those other competitors DON'T come close to you baby!!)(That is you isn't it??)

So now, two more peices of the complex jigsaw puzzle that is janjanmom. In addition to Meat Loaf, I totally heart Heart. ("We walked in the garden, we planted a tree" "And what he couldn't give me ohohoh was the one little thing that you can-anannnn....." That song makes me LAUGH OUT LOUD!).

We take the cakes!!

Keepers was today and it was soooo difficult. This club is not at all what I wanted it to be. It is just so hard. I want it to work so much and it just doesn't. If I look at each family individually-I love them. I have been friends with most of these ladies for a while-some casually, others much more involved. Only one is a totally new aquaintence. However, mix them all together AND you have the opposite of tongue and groove. It is not an ideal combination. The kids even feel it. In a word it is...AWKWARD. 3 more meetings and a final awards program. I will be shocked if any one signs on for next year.

My biggest problem is that I feel like a total homeschool mom failure. This is all in my head-I do realize that. It just seems as though every other child there is more reserved, respectful, well-mannered, pays more attention to detail, etc etc need I go on. It just seems as though every one else is more confident, scheduled...successful. Then I think about why I homeschool, then I feel happy again to be homeschooling. Until next month, when the meeting topic will be...drum roll please...ETIQUETTE. Talk about a disaster waiting to happen. Lilly has really developed a love for the word FART. I hate it and have mentioned several times that it is to be substituted with another less offending word. That works until she hears someone else say it-at church or a family function-then it takes hold again. I am borrowing trouble worrying about something over a month away-but I just can't help but wonder what fun contributions she will make to the meeting. Here is what I imagine:

"Today we will study about manners and how they are important." Lilly raises her hand.
"Yes, Lilly?"
"My mom says it is rude to fart or even say fart." Then giggle hysterically. No one will giggle or laugh (Except my other children, of course) All the other children will look up and immediately adopt the same look of horror their mother's have. Then there will be the obligatory, "Thank goodness that is not my child!" chuckle. They will comfort me with platitudes about how gregarious she is.

AND then I will spend the rest of the meeting trying to sweep my dignity up off of the floor. At least what I have left after the previous meetings and fiascos. This club is killing my self-esteem with a giant wrecking ball. I'm so glad I decided to start it.

Ketch-up

• The ministry fair "want ads" are finished, printed and stapled. AND, someone else is running them by the church today all ready to be distributed. I only left one job(of course I remembered it at about copy 1000 of 1500) out so out of how ever many there are, that is pretty good. I did not do a final final proofread, so I am sure there are mistakes here and there too, but hopefully my church will give me a little grace. Now we switch gears to food and table lay-out. I am just weird enough to love a big project. "I love it when a plan comes together." Any guesses on what TV show featured that line?? It was a janjanmom favorite growing up.
• Last night was a much needed, much enjoyed Mom's night out. IT started out as three friends getting together, but girlhood dramas on the homefront of one participant brought us down to two. We had good food at Applebees and then, because we are such PARTY ANIMALS did much needed shopping at WALMART. We had fun. Since we both have 3 children, hers younger than mine, it IS a treat to go do shopping without children. We concluded our night a little after midnight, and this morning I did not want to get up-but cakes called me and I had to.
• CAKES are on the agenda for today. A two-layer cake for each one of my three children. (That means 3- 2 layer cakes if you are groggy!!) We are learning cake decorating. This means those cakes may not look like much or they could be gorgeous. Either way, I will have some major cake overflow. I think a quick stop by Hula girls house may be just what the cake fairy needs to do...
• This place is a wreck and I must tend to it while I bake. I felt bad leaving it last night because I worked on those ministry fair papers all day, NO housework was done. IT was awful, then hubby got home and I left. He took over the children, made supper and was glad for me to "get away". Lest you think he is too perfect for words-frozen pizza was supper-and that is because he and the girls love it and I DO NOT-so maybe he is too perfect for words. Anyway, the housework remains but I would be so refreshed if I had not stayed out so late...I don't think I can complain though! Lilly even let Toby out this morning which means I got to sleep until 15 o 'clock.

Fun New Fact

You know those people who play "clock games"? The ones who have no clock set the same way, most of them set ahead anywhere from 5 minutes to 45 minutes? Those weird people who make you glad you wear a watch OR nowadays, carry a cell phone(the cool person watch)? You know the ones I mean??? That's us. Even the vehicles clocks are not set to current time. We do this in hopes of not merely being on time, but being *GASP* early. The bedroom clocks are the worst-at least 30 minutes ahead but possibly more like 45. Hubby has his set to trick him into immediate action and because I am a lemming(or too OCD to handle two different times looking across the bed at each other), I set mine for exactly the same time. Yes, this is leading somewhere, Smartypants!

Now that you know the clock quirk in my bedroom, you can imagine how disoriented to time I am when I wake up. Couple this with the fact that my children brag that they get up at 6AM when it is really more like 7:15(They are NOT even looking at clocks-just the fact that the sun is not fully up yet.)(HELLO-if the sun is not up yet, stay in bed!!!!!!!)(Don't get me wrong, that is still amazingly early for kids who would certainly be allowed to sleep in!!), I never really know what time it is until I turn on the radio.

Next tidbit of TMI? Hubby and I are snugglers. I snuggle with him when I come to bed because he is my own personal heater. I am always freezing and he is always soooooooo warm. Then, once he is throwing off covers because he is on fire, I roll over to my side of the bed and we sleep each on our own side. (I am leaving out some mighty fine details in there-MIGHTY FINE...you're welcome) In the morning time, hubby is the snuggler. He usually wakes up and bear hugs me if he has some extra time to do so. On his days off, I wake up hugged and I LOVE IT.

Fianlly, I am ready to share my story. This morning, my dog woke me up about 5:30(refer to clock craziness which means I have no idea what time it really was). It was COLD last night. Teens cold. I walk him to the door and Toby said, "Nevermind, it's too cold. I don't have to pee." (He says the same thing when its raining.) So I grabbed him by the collar and said, "Oh no you don't. It is cold and I was sleeping very well. You don't get to wake me up like that and then not go out." I'm soooo sweet like that. Not a selfish bone in my body. So out he went and I went to pee as well and then folded the towels on the couch until he was done. He was back real quick and came in. We both go back to bed and he is in the bed (not typical) because it was darn cold. He sleeps at the foot of the bed and tries to be inconspicuous because sometimes, if he isn't, Erik makes him go away. When it is cold, he is VERY POLITE and extremely INCONSPICUOUS because he wants to stay.

I lay back down and go directly to death sleep for the rest of my sleep time. I wake up at 8:12(your guess is as good as mine as to what time that really was) and feel hubby snuggled up right next to my back and FREAK OUT because he should have left a long time ago to get to work. (He is not allowed to be late-EVAH.)(So oversleeping would be a BIG deal!!) So I sit up and look over to his side to FREAK HIM OUT TOO!! only to discover that it is Toby. Stretched out full length and snuggled right up beside me as close as he can get. (STILL COLD, I'm guessing!! I'm so glad I don't have to go outside to pee.) So of course, I recover from my freak out, wonder how I did not wake up for my goodbye kiss and go back to sleep. Until like 8:50, which is really really late to sleep in-but in real life time that is only 6:15 or so. YOU DO THE MATH!!

Good morning, cyberfriends!!

Snow
Not enough to amount to anything, but enough to have three little girls squealing and watching out the window, okay 3 little girls and one mom. However, it is a school day and since we don't have bus safety to worry about, snow does not cancel our school. Nor holidays. I am the grinch that stole holiday vacation days. They got to "lay around the shack" yesterday, so today is back to reality.

I have 102 projects going around the house and then the deadline on most of my part of the ministry fair. It is going very well. I have learned that emails must be very specifically sent or there is little response to them. People are so funny. And busy, everyone is soo busy, I wonder what we are all doing?? Hamsters in a wheel? It seems like I am not accomplishing all that much, and yet I work all the time to get that little accomplished. I think Satan smiles at our busyness. He has us right where he wants us. Too busy to do the work of the Kingdom. To busy to love our neighbor. I'm getting back to work, but first, cyberneighbors- I love you!

Shazaam!
I'm a posting fool today!! Too much time alone while the other four members of my family vegged out in front of the tube. It was a glorious day, I have gotten alot done without having to worry about occupying the time of others. I have cooked two nice meals today-spaced out in such a way as to be brunch and lupper. By 5 PM I declared the kitchen closed and have enjoyed its tidiness ever since. I think they enjoyed a day of nothingness together as well. They all definitely needed a break from me!! (Too much of a good thing, you know.)



So, I have been in these pajamas since last night and I am anticipating a glorious bubble bath soon in my nice clean tub. I have also been off and on the computer all day as time has allowed. This means I have been catching up on my blog reading and I am posting now for the third time. Nut.



Anyway, I have to make a special note of Steph R's blog because it is a reminder to me of my recent study in the "How To Love Someone You Can't Stand" book. It seems like just yesterday I was all focused on being nicer, blessing and not cursing, praying for people who annoy me and yet???? So quickly I have slacked right on off of it. Why is it so easy to become distracted and fall right back into an old habit-a sinful one at that??

Also, Jason's story is really challenging me on a subject I have always know I was unclear on. I am way less clear than ever. I do know that Jason is a man of very noble character and he has my complete respect. He tried really hard to follow the "rules".

Finally, Patrick Mead is just knocking my socks off with his anwers to our questions. OF course, he is just a man and can't speak for God-but I love the obvious thought and Biblical study that has so obviously gone into each answer. I also love the way he is handling the attacks and constant scrutiny he faces as a "liberal"(Completely different meaning, y'all. This one means focusing more on grace than works which is not common among C of C) Church of Christ-er.

Naturally, I cannot showcase all the blogs I am reading. I am pretty faithful to my blogroll though. I love the blogosphere!! I love the fact that my husband read my blog the other day and very promptly removed the tree. I did not nag or speak ill of him. He just felt it was something he needed to do. We are communicating more through this blog than any other way. Mostly because I am much much nicer in writing. I have no filter in conversation, no edit button!! I am sarcastic and botchy in real life. Much better to just read. Sorry honey, I am working on it. Also, that botchy-ness is on the slate for the Dr. appt. as well. PMS/thyroid/hormones have all run amuck and it is making us all a bit sick of the crazy shrieking mom. Unfortunately, Hubby gets the brunt. He does, however, also benefit from the ovulation days-so it's all good. ( ;

So anyway, it has been a great year so far. I have almost been nice all day. I have accomplished alot. I will sleep beautifully tonight after staying up late last night and working hard all day. I just love a fresh year. It's even better than a Monday.

Green, Revisited

I have just cleaned both of my bathrooms in the green way. Baking soda and vinegar. As I was doing so, it occurred to me that I have shared what I clean with, but not how. So, I will give you the scoop(or spray as the case may be).

I have a nice spray bottle that is full of vinegar(WHITE-I don't like the apple cider kind, it stinks). Full strength. I use it for everything-wiping down my tables, coutertops, etc. Every fruit or vegetable that comes into my home gets the vinegar shower, soak and rinse. I also use it to clean my floors in a very incorrect way, meaning after I sweep or vacuum, I get all the spots drenched with my spray bottle and wipe them up with a rag. I do not mop. Ocassionally, I do get down on my hands and knees and clean my entire floor with a rag and vinegar. I personally think mopping is very nasty. I do my bathrooms probably about once every two months in this way. Kitchen floor much less often, but it gets spot cleaned way more often than the bathrooms too!

To clean my bathtub, I spray the entire bath tub with vinegar and then sprinkle baking soda all over it. It makes a very satisfying hissing bubbling noise. Then I smear that vinegar/baking soda paste all over the entire tub. Then I let it set for about 1 minute while I do the sink. Back to the tub while the sink soaks. One little wipe takes care of every little bit of soap scum on my tub and makes it shine. I rinse it all off with no worry about drying because it does not spot. Then I do my sink and last is the commode. This leaves my bathroom completely odor free. The vinegar smell evaporates immediately- a natural deodorizer. I have no fear that when I run my ridiculously hot bath, that harsh chemicals are soaking into my enlarged pores, vinegar is completely natural. So is baking soda.

Now, please give it a try. A quart of vinegar is about 55 cents and baking soda is 50 cents. For $1.05, you can afford to give it a try. If you hate it, go back to your corrosive chemicals. Just don't blame me for that rash you get after soaking in the chemical laden tub.

Now, I must clarify something. I do try to be a greenie. However, Al Gore has nothing to do with it. I think he is the biggest hypocrite that has ever ridden in a jet all over the planet. I don't think the entire population of our fine country could ever plant enough trees to offset his "carbon footprint".-THIS IS WRONG FOR ME TO SAY UN-NICE THINGS ABOUT AL GORE-FORGIVE ME. EVEN AL GORE IS ONE OF GOD'S CREATION. However, I don't happen to believe in "carbon footprints" either. I have read my element chart and therefore I know carbon is naturally occurring-not created by me. I do not believe it is possible for human beings to make a big enough impact to cause global warming. I believe we are as insignificant as a cow fart-at least as it relates to the environment.(And I do believe cow farts are as harmless as mine.)(However, having consumed large amounts of veggies all the time-Vegans are definitely producing some bad emissions!!) This planet has been heating up and cooling down since it was created and it will continue no matter what we do. That said, we are lazy gluttonous slobs and I hate it. We have now moved our factories to other countries to pollute their water and land because the rules here got too strict. It makes me furious. Americans are not good stewards of the earth and it is maddening. This planet is the best gift ever. Especially Christians owe it to their creator to keep it as clean and pristine as is possible. I'm trying to be more aware and make better choices. I'm am also a self-confessed hypocrite. This is a hard country to be conservative with trash in. I certainly would not want to live with my garbage for a year-but I bet if I did, I would give more thought to the garbage I am putting through the landfill.

Whew, what a long post. Let me know if you try vinegar and vinegar/baking soda combo. I happen to love it but I am interested in how it works for the rest of you. Also, if you have a laundry detergent or dishwashing detergent alternative, let me know. Vinegar does not cut it for either one-at least in my experience.