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Today is the ending of a very busy week. A week out and about, helping my children create their social lives. Heck, I've even had my own socializing this week. This brings to mind several things but the most pressing is still the same. Am I where God means for me to be?? I look around at my life and my family and ask, "Am I doing a good work in my life?" I have to say a very emphatic, NO! I feel like I am a hamster in a wheel. Our family faith walk seems stagnant. I feel like the life lessons my kids are learning from me are wrong. I just don't feel like the seeds I am scattering are anything I want to grow...or maybe the seeds I have scattered are growing and the harvest is scaring me!!

I can't decide if the problems I am facing with my kids are normal or if I am blowing it BIG TIME! I'm not blogging alot lately because I just don't like my life (or my reactions to it!) a whole lot right now. I feel all alone and yet supported all at the same time. God, please help me find the me You need me to be. I am frustrated with all the demands and struggles that are mine.

A Day in the Life of Lilly

I wake up. I listen to hear if anyone else is up. Sneak out to the playstation. Turn TV volume way down and sit very close.

"No TV, Lilly"

Shoot, Mom's up already. YAY! She is cooking breakfast. I am gonna roll up in my blanket and crawl to the kitchen to see what we're having. Sausage, eggs and pancakes? Oh yeah, Dad's off today. Must hurry and get dressed...we always do fun stuff when Dad's home. What's that smell? FIRE? Mom and Dad must be burning the huge pile of trees, I LOVE THIS DAY!!

I dress as fast as I can and then sneak to the kitchen to see if I can scare anyone. Nope, no one else is up besides Mom and Dad. I've already gotten in trouble with the TV, better not risk it. I stand close to Mom. I beg to cook the pancakes. Mom says no. Mom says get a plate and go eat...OKAY!! Kayla is up now and eating too. Kick her under the table. Now I tell mom Kayla kicked me. We both get in trouble. How does she always know?? I love pancakes. This is gonna be the best day ever.

I go outside with Dad and he teaches me how to drive the lawnmower WITH THE TRAILER ON IT!!! He won't let me mow but he is letting me drive the mower and trailer to haul sticks-EVEN BETTER THAN MOWING!!!! He lets me drive it to and from the burn pile. I am the luckiest girl in the world. Crap, here comes Mom to help. I hope I still get to drive the lawnmower. She smiles at me. I'm still gonna get to drive the lawnmower!!!! Just to make sure though, I better just sit right here in the seat and not get up or talk. I have to talk or I will explode. Ask mom what she thinks of me driving. She likes it. She says I am getting big. Ask mom if she can hear the birds. She does. Keep asking questions until Mom says sit quietly or get off and pick up little sticks. I choose to sit quietly. I have to go pee. Cry because I still want to drive...oops it is so hard to be big. Mom assures me they will wait for me to come back. Pester sisters doing school as soon as I walk in. Almost forgot about peeing and.....OOOOOOOOOH, driving the mower. Must hurry back outside. WHEW!! They did wait for me.

Mom asks Dad and I to go to the store for hot dogs to roast on the little fire. We have two fires- a really giant one and a small one. YIPPEEE!! This is the best day ever. Erika goes too because she is done with school. We get hot dogs, chips and stuff for smores. This is the best day ever. Come home, cook hot dogs and marshmallows on the fire. Now Mom is gonna mow so I don't get to drive anymore.

HEY, there is a big truck pulling into our driveway. A bucket truck. The power company is here to fix our security light. I crawl up onto the giant stump and watch them. It is very exciting. Wow. I drink most of Mom's tea. Her tea is always the best tea ever. My own glass is never as good as hers. I gotta pee. I think I will climb in the bathroom window from outside. I pull a chair over to the window. I get the screen raised and I am halfway in....Mom is yelling at me. Uh -oh. The power guys are laughing. I crawl out and look at Mom. I get down and go in the regular ole way. I don't know why Mom hates us crawling in and out of the new windows so much.

I come back outside and there is ANOTHER big truck in the yard. It is the septic tank guy. Oh wow, this is the best day ever. Two big trucks in the same day. I watch for a while and then I get bored. I come in the house and watch TV. FETCH is on. I love that show. Erika says it's educational but I still like it. Mom comes in and reminds me to do school. I sneak out and ask Dad if I can do my school in the van while he drives the trailer around with the van (Mom is mowing now so I don't get to drive.). He leaves the air and radio on and I get to do my homework in the van while he works. I LOVE THIS DAY!!

Finally the yard is mowed, the big trucks are all done and we get to roast hot dogs AGAIN for supper. AND marshmallows. Mom must be really tired. I have eaten a whole package of graham crackers and Mom doesn't even know it. I tried kraut on my hot dog like Daddy and it was GOOD. I love Daddy. This is the best day EVER!!

Now I have to finish my school or Mom won't let me go to church. She is soo mean. She is even making me WRITE the ORAL DRILL ANSWERS. I souldn't have to write them. Mom is so mean. I hope I get to go to public school soon. They won't make me write stuff all the time like Mom does. I bet it is all computer games that have learning stuff. And nobody to tell me what to do. I can't wait. It'll be so much fun. PLUS, all the kids will be my friends and I can talk and sing as much as I want.

Now it is time for church and I got all my school work done-so HAH! I know Mom didn't really want me to go. She wanted me to do school work all night long but I tricked her and got it all done.

We got home from church just in time to watch Lil get voted off American Idol. I liked her. Oh goody, David Archuleta is singing tonight. I love him. Someday we are going to get married because Mom says I can't marry Daddy. I have to go to bed now. I am just gonna lay here and stay up. Hee hee, they will never....ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Moody Blue/Moody Orange

Sometimes I forget how my moods are so enmeshed with my hormones. I'll have a week where everything is wrong and then, almost as quickly, the world shifts and things are okay again. I hate that. I hate that as a woman, I cannot trust my angst. I can't always differentiate between real problems and hormonal ones. This blog has helped so much because I can feel and read the "schedule" of the moods.

All of this to say, this week, so far, is glorious. What wouldn't be after a week so bad I wanted to cause bodily harm to SOMETHING somewhere. This week we are all getting along and we have decided another year of homeschool is the path we are supposed to take. Despite the fact that Lilly has told the world she is going to public school next year. If there is anyone out there that believes all that Lilly says...well, I feel bad for them. She tell lots of WHOPPERS, most of them unintentionally.

Kayla really smiled today. Alot. I forgot how beautiful her smile is because they just don't happen very often-at least when she is at home. Praise God for the smiles of tweenagers.

Homer Simpson Sunday

I spent some time with one of my good friends the other night. She was having relationship troubles. Don't we all!! Don't we all forget sometimes that we ALL have relationship troubles. It's kind of funny. We start looking around comparing our worst to everyone else's best. We think about what we could have-the dream relationship in our head. We forget it is a DREAM relationship. We feel cheated. In her words, we wonder if we are "settling". In my humble opinion, "settling" is a state of mind. Not one of the states I choose to travel to and I hope my hubby doesn't want to travel there either. I think she and her fella are gonna make it. It'll be alot of work to get over this bump in their relationship, but isn't that what makes relationships closer? All the bumps we look back on that we have made it over?

Today has been the best Homer Simpson day ever. I say that because I did not go to church. Remember The Simpsons episode where Homer stays home from church and the rest of the family goes? He has the best day of his life. The family has a day where everything that can go wrong does. I did not go to church this morning. Yesterday, when I woke up I felt horrible. I did not even change out of pjs all day. I got all Vick's vaporubbed up, wrapped up in a blankie, and hoped one of our 13 channels would have something good to offer. The girls are always happy for a TV day-even if Mom is sick. So anyway, this morning I did not feel much better and I have had a cough and headache all day. I think it is just allergies but I'm not sure. Anyway, today I slept in really late and then cleaned a bit. Then I had to get out and do some household shopping. After getting a shower, getting dressed and getting moving, I felt alot better. Still do. Tomorrow is a busy day. I hope I feel even better, after all, I can't have a Homer day every day.

I could post, but my foul mood would likely spill out all over the place.

Tomorrow, tomorrow...be a good day. Please.

Spring Fever

My tomato plants are sprouted. They look good. I've been to two yard sales and scored cool things at both of them. Our weather may have turned warm to stay~with rainy days interspersed, of course. I can see the end of the school year. We've met most of our schooling goals. Spring, the beginning of summer is in full bloom.

I've had a good day today and tomorrow looks good as well. I can't wait to finish this school year, plan out next year's and enjoy SUMMER OFF!!!! Except for math. No matter how loud the complaining gets. Build a bridge and get over it!!

I wish every day could start off at Cracker Barrel with my Bible study friends having breakfast. It just seems to make the day go well. I love hash brown casserole! And biscuits with strawberry jam.

April Reading Recommendations

Today has been better than yesterday. Erik and Kayla had some bonding time. The other two and I had some library time. I've sketched most of the rest of our school year. It is so hard to plan lessons in advance. Essential to stay on course, but then again, the course always changes. At least for me. I refuse to move on until the subject is mastered, so sometimes we get detoured. I'm glad too. It was so hard for my kids to master fractions and percentages and they were so sick of them before we moved on. However, the subsequent lessons have been easier for them. Do public school teachers plot out the year and follow it or do they change course as well?? Just wondering, Jason?

I've decided to do some of my book reviews today, especially since they are really piling up!!

NONFICTION

The Year of Living Biblically by A.J.Jacobs

Subtitled, One Man's Quest to Follow the Bible as Literally as Possible. I loved this book. He approached it as an agnostic and by the end he was a little bit closer to believer. The task is monumental-studying the Bible so much for an entire year. He consulted with many clergy from all religions along the way. He is very open about how the journey affected his home life. I could not recommend this book more-regardless of your religious leanings.

Creative Correction by Lisa Whelchel (AKA-Blair on The Facts of Life TV show)

Blair is a famous homeschool mom now!! Did you know that?? She is also an inspirational speaker in the Christian world and one of my heroes. This book is one I should have read when my kids were younger. She did not have surly tweens when she wrote this, so I did not get the info I really was seeking. If you have toddlers though, go ahead and buy this book-it will help you.

FICTION

For Me: The Big Nap by Ayelet Waldman

This book was so good. Normal life taking a brush with an extreme religion. A mom who just needs to sleep solving a mystery. It was a very light quick read with enough twists and turns to keep it all interesting.

For the kids: Edward's Eyes by Patricia MacLachlan

This book grabs you, sucks you in and then leaves you with a wonderful feeling deep in your soul. This is the same author who wrote Sarah, Plain and Tall, one of my all time favorite books...and also the sequels to it. We listened to it on audio and we all just loved it.

That's all for today. That should give you some reading material for a few days.

Monday, Monday

It has been a day from h-e-double hockey sticks. There have been a few bright points, our friend Todd has recovered enough from his surgery to get to go home. And we also had 4H today.

Other than that, not much good to report. Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you tomorrow.