Ode to Blogging

When I started this blog ride, it was because of my friend Summer. She had moved and started the blog to help friends and family still share in her life. I started for alot of the same reason-but then it grew from there in my expectations. So many people that I knew that lived right here also read and I felt like my blog helped me be understood a little better.

Blogging has helped me keep in touch with friends and also deepen many friendships plus so much more. I don't think I fully comprehended how critical writing was to me until blogging. I need so many more words than talking allows sometimes. Other times I need to process things-vent-through writing. Unfortunately those are some of the posts that others often don't process well-but I am beginning to learn "written diplomacy". I also never realized the way to truly be in touch with myself would be to keep a journal. Priceless!!

What I never expected though is that I would be a part of a community of blogger "strangers" who "know" me and "get" me better than some of my real life friends. It is really fun and interesting. AND, oddly enough, I often think of my blogger friends as real friends-because you are. I appreciate the stories you have shared. I pray for you when I know you are struggling with tough stuff. You are like a great big extended family and I love it. Thanks for reading. Those of you who also blog, thanks for putting your hearts out there hoping your posts might make a difference to someone else and clicking publish.

Also, it wouldn't hurt to leave a comment because comments make my heart go all a-flutter.

T-i-r-e-d

I did not like Sunday's post, not one little bit.**(I DID ENJOY THE DAY THOUGH!! IT WAS AWESOME EVEN IF IT WAS A LITTLE OVERSCHEDULED!!)** Too much stuff all crammed into one day. The reasonable side of my personality suggested spreading those things out over several days so you can enjoy life without feeling like you are on the Jetson's treadmill. The reasonable side of me that likes to alternate busy days with extremely relaxed days of catching up on things at home. The reasonable me that tries to do all running on certain days to keep other days calmer.

That side of me, the reasonable side of me has been replaced. Not by choice. In her place is, "Yes, I suppose we can somehow find an extra 2 hours in one of our days somewhere to____." The blank is different every day. It is also usually loads of fun. (not really) OK, Sometimes.

Last night the blank was a homeschool support meeting. I'm really glad I have wonderful supportive friends. I'm really glad I filled in the blank with some "me-time". Then I ruined the night by going grocery shopping afterward. What a me-time killer!! It had to be done though. An important part of "the diet which shall not be mentioned" is having enough salad or no carb veggies (green beans) to have at each non-reward meal. Plus Kroger had cereal for $1 a box and also goldfish for $1 a bag. Guess who is living on carbs while I abstain?? Heh. The kids are loving this diet.

Today is a somewhat relaxed day. Except tomorrow is co-op which means alot of prep work for me and also the weekly nagging of the children. Woohoo!! I have my fingers crossed they have been keeping up with their work. De-NILE ain't just a river in Egyt, you know!!

1. Got up, delivered oldest daughter to church to do her puppet and got our care group food in the hands of people who would not be as late as we would.
2. Got rest of family ready and made sure we all had a change of clothes and went to Mom's.
3. Changed Mom's dressing.
4. All went to Mom's church. Tolerated with fair amount of patience a 6 year old VERY used to Children's Bible hour at a church that does not have it. Good service, good sermon. I do know all the words to "It Is Well". I don't miss songbooks. I love you powerpoint projected songs.
5. Waited for Mom to visit all members of her church.
6. Loaded her up and delivered her home safe and sound, smiling.
7. Changed clothes on the way to next stop on country deserted road. I can do this very modestly-a rare talent.
8. Arrived at tree-cutting party.
9. Had a thoroughly enjoyable time watching all of our fellas do some REALLY hard work-love you all big strong woodcutting men-especially you, Erik!! Thoroughly enjoyed picnicing with Sara's excellent neighbors. Watched kids really enjoy a warm summer day. Did not freak out when Lilly had a pacifier and sippy cup. It's just play, right?
10. Saw the biggest most impressive slugs ever.
11. Procured a jar and collected all the slugs we could find. They are on my kitchen counter in the "science area".
12. Rescheduled hair appointment to one hour later.
13. Watched with gross-out fascination jarred slugs all the way home.
14. Swept and tidied up area a person from church coming by "might" see.
15. Lamented person from church did not leave her car.
16. Went to hair appt. Had a wonderful visit with a long-time friend. Thoroughly enjoyed the fact that he has the cutest dog ever and he brought her for me to meet. With much restraint-did not mention diet or blogging.
17. Enjoying really cute new hair cut and color.
18. Tired and must eat one more meal even though I am not remotely hungry. DRIVE to eat completely gone. Eating for nourishment like normal people is really cool. Trying not to tell all of the world about this diet in conversations so I won't look like a fruit loop. Trying unsuccessfully to not blog about it either.
19. Enjoying the sales of some of my ebay stuff. I love ebay.
20. Shopping for next year's curriculum with ebay money soon.

Good night blogworld. BFF!!

Say Something Saturday

Assignment via AMI. (A fictional story-go to Ami's blog to read the assignment.) I'm early but this will count as my Saturday blogging!!

The Mood Change

I decided that I just could not take it anymore. I needed to get away from my family even if it was only for a short walk around our little community. It was that wonderful time of day where everything is drawing to a close, crickets chirping all around. Fireflies are flickering, not in the full glory the way God intended just yet, as the dark is slowly taking over the daylight. This was my favorite time of day. All along the street, neighbors were sitting out on their porches watching their children play. Lawnmowers were being put away. Kids were getting just a few more minutes of bike riding time in before pedalling quickly home. Dusk- the very tip of the end of the day.

I was approaching my favorite house on our tree-lined street. It was the most recent addition. My children and I had watched it from the time they first broke ground until now-when even the lawn and landscaping were well-established. As they built it we tried to imagine what it would look like and who our new neighbors would be. It was such a large house, we imagined there would be alot of children living there, but we were mistaken. There was only one little girl, eight-year-old Liza. She was a bit of a tomboy, usually wearing rolled up overalls and no shoes. She practically lived in one of the many low-limbed oak trees in her yard. They were good climbing trees. My own children had climbed those trees often before the lot had been surveyed and then purchased by the McCloud family. We were sad to lose such a fun lot to play in-all the neighborhood was, but we had the excitement of the new construction and all our unanswered questions about its occupants to distract us.

Today was no different from usual, I could see Liza's legs dangling down from her roost. I wondered what on earth could make a child love being in a tree so much. She was holding a very large bouquet of flowers in her hand. They were the largest hydrangeas I had ever seen. She had at least 4 of the blue beauties. Somebody somewhere was not a happy camper to have their prize flowers so carelessly plucked away. From the looks of them, slightly wilted, she had been holding them in her hand a while.

My dark mood had passed almost as soon as I walked out the door of my house, smelling the wonderful freshly cut grass mingling with all the other sweet smells of summer. Seeing Liza in that tree with those flowers made me smile and I had to find out what on earth she was up to. As I got closer to the tree, I could see the very tip top of a blue robin egg poking out of her bib overall pocket.

"Hey Liza.", I said. "What are you doing up there with all of those flowers?"

"Just waiting for Mrs. Roberts to get home. Today is her birthday and I have two very special surprises for her. These flowers are one surprise, but I bet you will never ever guess the other one.", Liza answered.

I've never been one to be a surprise spoiler so I smiled and listened as she told me all about how she had found a robin egg that was completely hatched out but still almost completely whole too. It was a very rare find, I had to give her that!! I praised her for being so thoughtful and assured her that our neighbor would love them. Mrs. Roberts was one of the sweetest little old ladies ever. She was newly widowed, Mr. Roberts had passed away only 6 short months before. Everyone loved her and she was probably being treated to a night out to dinner by one of her many friends. Liza knew she would be home before dark and was waiting patiently to present her with the treasures.

Just then we saw lights turning onto our dead end street. Liza recognized the car immediately and hopped down ready to do some big-time surprising. I smiled as I made my way back to the road and headed back toward my own home. God had certainly blessed my walk tonight. It's really hard to be in a bad mood when you are surrounded by the beauty of neighborhood and nature. I couldn't wait to share the story of Liza's surprise with my family. We had taken scones to Mrs. Roberts this morning for her birthday. Mrs. Roberts loved sweets and we loved taking them to her any chance we got. We had seen lots of people come and go all day making her day that much brighter. It was nice to know we were not the only ones remembering such a sweet lady on her special day.

Miscellaneous Musings

• In trying to effectively communicate how free I feel from my own carb addiction, I was IN ABSOLUTELY NO WAY indicting anyone else of being a carb addict. I just wanted to convey the deep sense of relief I feel at being "normal" since Monday. I didn't think you could possibly understand the difference in me without the description. It is a powerful difference. I promise there is no hidden agenda that I am trying to make you see the truth of your addiction-you probably just enjoy eating-it is normal to enjoy eating, everyone is not a carb addict. If you related to the paragraph, the book will help. If the paragraph gave you some sense of guilt that is misplaced, the book will be a waste of money for you!! Some people just like cake...( ; This blog is all about ME, get over yourselves already. (heavy sarcasm intended!)
• I know road rage is very common, but for the most part not something I struggle with. If you must do something stupid while driving, do it in front of me. I will give you a sympathetic wave and will not hunt you down and ride your bumper for a mile giving you a mean look. However, yesterday I experienced "RUDE RAGE". I was sitting in line waiting at a covered doorway- because it was raining CATS AND DOGS- to unload my mom who is now wheel-chair bound and then go and park. She had a dr. appt. and we were quite early because I just never know how long anything will take so I keep us running early. I watch 3 different cars park and run in for a minute because it is raining and they don't want to get wet. None of them parked here for any reason other than selfishness and I was fuming. It took all my inner strength not to say, "Hey, I am waiting to unload a wheelchair here, what are you doing!!!????" We were right on time for our appointment waiting for two people parked to just run in for whatever and one other hubby who was dropping his wife off and smoking while she ran in for whatever. There are alot of handicapped people in the world...this is rude!! Ever unloaded a wheelchair in the rain?? It soaks you to the bone. It was a very frustrating day all around. People are very rude when it is raining. The other day when the sun was out people were going above and beyond to be polite and helpful-but on rainy days-people suck. (IMHO)
• Today was my long awaited hair appointment. 10AM. To say I was excited is the understatement of the century. It is now rescheduled. BAH HUMBUG.
• Today is now a relaxed day, no where that we have to be, nothing pressing that we have to do until later. I am going to savor that. It is raining, of course. Thank you God for keeping everything watered, it looks lovely and green. We don't want another drought this summer, so do what you gotta do. ( :

Abstinence

I took my oldest kids to a community wide abstinence talk last night. The speaker was Keith Deltano. I was pretty sure he would not be covering anything I had not covered. But oh how I was wrong. However, I am not sorry we went. He was funny, thought provoking, action-inspiring and his parent talk was above top notch. He affirmed most of what I'm already doing but it was good to hear to reinforcement-usually we get, "Oh you are so overprotective. You're sheltering your kids from the world they are gonna have to live in. They are just gonna be crippled when they get older by all the sheltering you have done." They are gonna be shocked by what they see and hear for sure, but crippled?? I don't think so.

My biggest thing I overlooked-not teaching my children what the actual word abstinence means and also since I have taught them from an early age that sex is for marriage, I don't think it occurred to them that anyone did it any differently. Those are huge things to overlook!! However, the lines of communication are more open than they have ever been so it is all good.

Accolades to our church for communicating very clearly what a great program it was!! (That means you, Mike!)

PS. IF you don't have a filter on your computer, go to www.filterreview.com and get yourself one. I downloaded one last night-talk about waiting until the last minute!!! (My kids hardly ever get on the computer and they are supervised when they do!) There is one called K-9 that is free so make no excuses-at least get that one. No one needs to see some of the crap that is out there!!

A Fitting Description

Addiction Level 3 (the highest level) I will paraphrase but this is copied loosely from pages 68-69 from The Carbohydrate Addict's Diet ISBN # 0-451-17339-2.

"While cravings for starches and snack foods continue at level 3, the drive for sweets can become very strong. At this level, snack foods and desserts are preferred. Most meat or protein is consumed with bread as a sandwich. Meals seem incomplete without sweets. Sweets provide an initial surge of relief, they don't really satisfy the addict. These people eat when not hungry, when they don't have an urge to eat, and when they don't even want to eat. Food doesn't seem to taste especially good. The experience of eating becomes more of a compulsion or duty. The addict at level 3 is eating because of a driving need to eat- a physical, inner demand to eat-rather than out of enjoyment. Periods of eating are non-distinct from periods of non-eating. Rather than separate meals, continuous snacking-large and small snacks-takes place."

Just reading that paragraph makes me shiver because it was me and I did not even realize it. I knew I ate alot. I knew I was fat. I did not realize the extent of my problem or how easy it would be to remedy. The book is really quick to point out that not all fat people are carb addicts and not all thin people are not. I don't want you to assume all fat people are addicts-there is usually a reason why people are overweight, but sometimes it is the types of food they regularly eat(McD's, Pizza) not the quantity. I believe this is a legitimate thing for some people who will read the above and relate OR they will gasp aloud and not relate.

I just had to post that description so you can fully appreciate the fact that: I no longer am consumed by the urge to eat. I sorted out candy today for edible cells for my science class and ATE NONE. Take it farther, I had no urge to eat candy that I was surpressing. I have a whole bag of candy that I have no desire to binge on. THIS HAS NEVER EVER EVER happened to me before. I can recall going places where they would be serving glazed donuts-one of my least favorite foods-and polishing off 2 or 3. And then with all the shame and willpower I could muster-refusing to eat anymore no matter how much I wanted another. I can recall instances of watching a skinny person eat something and hating them for being able to leave food on their plate. Especially if it were chocolate cake. Who doesn't finish chocolate cake?? Shaking my head in disbelief that someone would not eat a candy bar?? Why would anyone not eat chocolate?

This is why I just keep walking around amazed. My choice has been returned to me and I am so empowered it is unreal. I do enjoy my reward meal-to the fullest. The habit of eating is still there. The constant urges are not. What remains is the psychological part which will take a while to go away-like tonight, I ate my daughters' pizza crusts greedily fearing that I might blow it later because 2 pieces of pizza and some cookies couldn't possibly hold me over. In the back of my mind I was thinking I would be dying of hunger right now and certain to binge. I am not and I feel exactly the same as the first night when I ate an unpublishable amount of food during my reward meal.

The basic plan is eat breakfast-less than 4 carbs-I eat a ham and cheese omelette and two cups of salad or approved veggies (celery for me). Lunch, less than 4 carbs-2 cups of salad or approved veggies. Reward meal-eat anything you want for one hour. Any food, any drink, any quantity. You must stop after one hour. I can't usually last more than 15-20 minutes or even finish most things I have started after day 1(I put away alot of food that first day at my reward meal!!). The meals are interchangeable, so if I wanted to I could have reward breakfast and then do good at the other two meals-but my pattern is to binge at night so I am a little scared to vary it at all!!

I can't explain why it works. I just can testify that it does. OH YEAH, this is also PMS week so normally that top paragraph is intesified by 10 during PMS week!!

I will try not to blog about it anymore. Until I have lost a boatload of weight. And IF by some bizarre freakiness, I don't lose weight? I won't care, because I am free.

Free At Last!

Praise God Almighty, I am free at last. It is day 2 of the carb addicts diet. Day TWO, is that clear-it is only day 2. However, my mind has not been thinking about eating healthy and being tempted by the temptation food of the day. I have thought about lots of things that have no relation to food. I have peered into an Easter bucket of candy and NOT been tempted. I am not depressed because I can never have carbs or sugar again in my life-because I can have as many as I want ONCE a day. There are snack cakes and tiny chocolate bunnies just remaining on the kitchen counterspace. Hubby bought 24 ice cream sandwiches from the Schwann's truck and they will not trip me up. I will post more on this later-but for right now, for the first time in probably 30 years-I don't feel like a slave to food and it feels mighty fine. So this is how the other half lives. Cool.