Monday, December 19, 2005
Saturday, December 17, 2005
All In A Day's Work
Last one today...these all make me laugh!! My kids love #9!
I love #13 and #20, but really all of them are funny!
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says,
"I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his
arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
7. A horse wanders into a saloon and the barkeep asks him "Why the long face?"
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly,
"I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied,
"I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby
discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came
out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off.
"Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family
in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him
"Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving
the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced
an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather
frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him...
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends,
with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did
Last one today...these all make me laugh!! My kids love #9!
I love #13 and #20, but really all of them are funny!
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says,
"I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his
arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
7. A horse wanders into a saloon and the barkeep asks him "Why the long face?"
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly,
"I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied,
"I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby
discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came
out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off.
"Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family
in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him
"Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving
the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced
an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather
frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him...
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends,
with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did
All In A Day's Work
This is posted on my refrigerator:
Two Wolves
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a
battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is
between 2 "wolves" inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy,sorrow, regret,
greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false
pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility,
kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and
faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his
grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
Thank you Diana B for sharing it!
This is posted on my refrigerator:
Two Wolves
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a
battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is
between 2 "wolves" inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy,sorrow, regret,
greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false
pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility,
kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and
faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his
grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
Thank you Diana B for sharing it!
Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat (me too!)...Please put a penny in the old man's hat. I must research the origins of that song-it makes no sense, it does rhyme though!
I just got out of the bath after tucking everyone in. I had to brush Kayla's hair for her tonight because she had not gotten all the way to the bottom layer in a while. TORTURE!! I once read in one of those email lists of things that make you smile, there is nothing more sweet than combing a little girl's hair. They have never combed the hair of my littlegirls!!! It is a nightmare. They start screaming before the brush makes it to their hair. I had to have a long soak in the tub to recover. I do not enjoy fixing my own hair either. I am also very tenderheaded and cry a little when I go to the salon. I do it silently, but tears stream down my cheeks. I hate when that happens.
Christmas draws ever closer!! Something is missing in me this year...I think it is the build-up. I feel like I just turned a corner and it smacked me in the face. I suppose that corner was Halloween and I should have known. It seems so early and then you blink and it really wasn't that early. We may celebrate the twelve days of Christmas this year...we are studying the orogins and history of Christmas-very fascinating stuff. That will extend it into January and people will think us veyr weird but I am pretty sure they already do! They used to use candles on Christmas trees for lights. Talk about a fire hazard. I am freaking out with just lights. Last year we did not even put any lights on the tree, just decorations. It is a little scary to have a real tree, but I can't flouf out the branches on artificial trees so we had to go with another plan...and they smell so good!
Gotta go, hubby had a late night drumming last night and the tap- tap -tapping of keys is making him sigh very loudly every minute or so. Just in case I forgot he is in here or something. Have a wonderful Lord's Day tomorrow!!
I just got out of the bath after tucking everyone in. I had to brush Kayla's hair for her tonight because she had not gotten all the way to the bottom layer in a while. TORTURE!! I once read in one of those email lists of things that make you smile, there is nothing more sweet than combing a little girl's hair. They have never combed the hair of my littlegirls!!! It is a nightmare. They start screaming before the brush makes it to their hair. I had to have a long soak in the tub to recover. I do not enjoy fixing my own hair either. I am also very tenderheaded and cry a little when I go to the salon. I do it silently, but tears stream down my cheeks. I hate when that happens.
Christmas draws ever closer!! Something is missing in me this year...I think it is the build-up. I feel like I just turned a corner and it smacked me in the face. I suppose that corner was Halloween and I should have known. It seems so early and then you blink and it really wasn't that early. We may celebrate the twelve days of Christmas this year...we are studying the orogins and history of Christmas-very fascinating stuff. That will extend it into January and people will think us veyr weird but I am pretty sure they already do! They used to use candles on Christmas trees for lights. Talk about a fire hazard. I am freaking out with just lights. Last year we did not even put any lights on the tree, just decorations. It is a little scary to have a real tree, but I can't flouf out the branches on artificial trees so we had to go with another plan...and they smell so good!
Gotta go, hubby had a late night drumming last night and the tap- tap -tapping of keys is making him sigh very loudly every minute or so. Just in case I forgot he is in here or something. Have a wonderful Lord's Day tomorrow!!
Thank you Sara for telling me about the Deanaland blog (www.deanaland.blogspot.com )!! It has me laughing and reading almost non-stop. We share a hatred of laundy...she calls hers Mt. Laundry and I, as you well know, call mine Mount Washmore.
I think all women battle this awful but critical element of life. I know we should all be grateful we don't have to operate an old wringer washer or a knuckle busting washboard, but laundry is the most unfinishable task I know of. Even on the rare occassion that I get every piece of clothing washed and put away, everyone undresses, puts on pjs and there it is again. It's doneness is so short-lived!! Erma Bombeck said that cleaning the house while there are still children living in it is like shoveling the walk while it is still snowing. I live by this saying.
But sometimes, like tonite, when my wonderful father-in-law pops in to drop off a wonderful smoked ham for Christmas, I am very embarrassed at our untidy existence. I know how tidy their home always is (and was)...my husband tells me about it. I also grew up in a tidy home. But then again, we were five women all working together on housework. And we really did not have alot of other things to do. I mean, I only had one barbie!! We love the domestics of the home- I recall my sister and I having cook-offs to see who made the best scrambled eggs. I could not have been more than 6 years old and that put her at around nine. That is right around the ages of mine!!!!!! How could my mom allow us to cook...and we had a gas stove!!!!!
We also left the house in the morning and came home around dark. We played (alone mostly-rarely ever together)by the heavily snake-infested Clark's River (and yet I think I only ever saw two) and ate our weight in unwashed (and yet delicous) blackberries. I can't imagine my children living that kind of freedom and yet I long for it for them. They get doses of it here and there, but they live in a very structured and heavily supervised world. They also hear grown-up lingo and see grown-up erotica even on Saturday morning commercials. Even homeschooling doesn't shelter them as much as they need it!! And doesn't unshelter them enough either!!
Okay, not where I meant to go with this blog, but it is late and it went. I am not about to edit it. I wanted to be funny. Another time I guess.
Tomorrrow morning, putting together the food baskets at church...I am so excited I probably won't be able to sleep. What a nerd. I apologize for being weird. I guesss growing up a little on the needy side makes me feel really good giving back. Off I go to bed to feel really blessed in our home where we have enough to eat, enough money to pay our bills, money to buy a nice Christmas that is all bought and tucked away in various crevices of the house, the ability for me to be a stay-at-home (when do I stay home?LOL) mom and homeschool our children, and a loving, but not ever perfect, family. A family dedicated to a living relationship with Christ. I am blessed. We are blessed. I bet you are too.
I think all women battle this awful but critical element of life. I know we should all be grateful we don't have to operate an old wringer washer or a knuckle busting washboard, but laundry is the most unfinishable task I know of. Even on the rare occassion that I get every piece of clothing washed and put away, everyone undresses, puts on pjs and there it is again. It's doneness is so short-lived!! Erma Bombeck said that cleaning the house while there are still children living in it is like shoveling the walk while it is still snowing. I live by this saying.
But sometimes, like tonite, when my wonderful father-in-law pops in to drop off a wonderful smoked ham for Christmas, I am very embarrassed at our untidy existence. I know how tidy their home always is (and was)...my husband tells me about it. I also grew up in a tidy home. But then again, we were five women all working together on housework. And we really did not have alot of other things to do. I mean, I only had one barbie!! We love the domestics of the home- I recall my sister and I having cook-offs to see who made the best scrambled eggs. I could not have been more than 6 years old and that put her at around nine. That is right around the ages of mine!!!!!! How could my mom allow us to cook...and we had a gas stove!!!!!
We also left the house in the morning and came home around dark. We played (alone mostly-rarely ever together)by the heavily snake-infested Clark's River (and yet I think I only ever saw two) and ate our weight in unwashed (and yet delicous) blackberries. I can't imagine my children living that kind of freedom and yet I long for it for them. They get doses of it here and there, but they live in a very structured and heavily supervised world. They also hear grown-up lingo and see grown-up erotica even on Saturday morning commercials. Even homeschooling doesn't shelter them as much as they need it!! And doesn't unshelter them enough either!!
Okay, not where I meant to go with this blog, but it is late and it went. I am not about to edit it. I wanted to be funny. Another time I guess.
Tomorrrow morning, putting together the food baskets at church...I am so excited I probably won't be able to sleep. What a nerd. I apologize for being weird. I guesss growing up a little on the needy side makes me feel really good giving back. Off I go to bed to feel really blessed in our home where we have enough to eat, enough money to pay our bills, money to buy a nice Christmas that is all bought and tucked away in various crevices of the house, the ability for me to be a stay-at-home (when do I stay home?LOL) mom and homeschool our children, and a loving, but not ever perfect, family. A family dedicated to a living relationship with Christ. I am blessed. We are blessed. I bet you are too.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Only 10 more days until Christmas!!! I can't believe how quick!! Today we will get our school work done and then we are off to make gingerbread houses with our homeschool group. It should be alot of fun. It was supposed to be last week but it was cancelled due to all the snow and ice. Tuesday we went to the planetarium for a Christmas field trip. They had two Christmas shows and then Santa came and passed out candy canes. It was alot of fun. We brought our lunches and had a picnic with another family. It was a little chilly but all of the girls played and had so much fun. They played Indians and built forts in the woods. As long as Lisa and I could tough it out (we were, of course, not playing so we were very cold!!) we let them have much needed play outside time.
My girls cannot wait for Christmas!! They are only allowed to ask for a couple of things or Santa will think they are greedy and won't bring anything. I am so mean!! Erika wants camoflauge pants, Kayla wants a virtual pet, and Lilly would like one of everything on the commercials. They are really good kids as far as stuff goes. After I cleaned out about 500 toys and got them down to just a few-they really play with their toys alot. We did have so many toys that the "game" was pulling them all out and destroying whatever room they were in. I still see that when we visit other people. All of the kids play the trash the room game. Kids just have way too many toys!! I think it is the same way with us, we have so much around us that it paralyzes us and makes us stressed. This is true whether it is "stuff" or papers, or in my case, that nasty, nasty word, LAUNDRY!!! We get overwhelmed and lose our focus. I blame laundry for all the world's problems. I love camping and vacations so much because there is no laundry...well at least until you get home.
I need to get off of here now and start the day. Make yours a good one!!
My girls cannot wait for Christmas!! They are only allowed to ask for a couple of things or Santa will think they are greedy and won't bring anything. I am so mean!! Erika wants camoflauge pants, Kayla wants a virtual pet, and Lilly would like one of everything on the commercials. They are really good kids as far as stuff goes. After I cleaned out about 500 toys and got them down to just a few-they really play with their toys alot. We did have so many toys that the "game" was pulling them all out and destroying whatever room they were in. I still see that when we visit other people. All of the kids play the trash the room game. Kids just have way too many toys!! I think it is the same way with us, we have so much around us that it paralyzes us and makes us stressed. This is true whether it is "stuff" or papers, or in my case, that nasty, nasty word, LAUNDRY!!! We get overwhelmed and lose our focus. I blame laundry for all the world's problems. I love camping and vacations so much because there is no laundry...well at least until you get home.
I need to get off of here now and start the day. Make yours a good one!!
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
I apologize for taking so long to post!!!! Our computer is heavily filtered...perhaps too heavily...I have been blocked off of my blog for about two weeks. Probably all the porn and profanity I keep posting..LOL!!!
Anyway, it is good to be back. This will be a short post as I have millions of more pressing things to do.
I have hacked on my hair again. When I came home from church Sunday, I decided I hated my hair again. I, once again, put the scissors to it. Last time turned out well, so I was a little cocky. ( : Since it was about 10:30 at night, my children were not available to hold the mirror for me...this was not good. I was taking some cuts in the dark, so to speak, with the back of my head. It was a little misshapen and uneven. My hair forgives alot, but it was kind of bad. (Erik said his usual "It looks fine." I think he must practice that phrase about a million times a day since that is his reply to pert near everything!!) I am happy to report that although I was not up for going to the salon to get my hair evened out (because I was on a roll cleaning& doing the Christmas tree) - my good friend Libby (who was a stylist in another time in her life) stopped by to visit for a few minutes and was able to get me evened out..sort of. It feels better and I think it looks better, so just grin a little if it looks sort of choppy in places. It is, after all, only hair and it will grow.
We at last have our Christmas tree up and our house is decorated for the big day. This is a weight off of my shoulders..it was done on the twelfth which is about 12 days later than usual!! I was severely panicked and my girls had begun to think we would not have one. My shopping is also done so I can cruise through the next few days until the big day.
I participated in my first cookie exchange. I can now mark that off my list of things to do in this lifetime. I don't know if I will ever do it again, but it was kind of fun. We have alot of cookies, I am sure I will gain alot of weight as they are all quite yummy. I was hoping to pack some pounds on this Christmas anyway...I want to make sure I don't have to buy new clothes or anything. I like my old clothes...some of you have probably noticed. I am a comfort creature and new clothes are seldom comfortable. Especially nicer looking ones. I want to invent a line of dressy classy looking outfits that feel like pajamas. I think they would fly off the racks!! To dream the impossible dream. I think the reason PJ's are so comfy is because they don't define your shape or really touch you anywhere but the generous elastic waist. I am not sure you could look good in pants that made the same claim.
Well, I am off to the library to return our videos and encourage my little readers. Have a great Wednesday!
Anyway, it is good to be back. This will be a short post as I have millions of more pressing things to do.
I have hacked on my hair again. When I came home from church Sunday, I decided I hated my hair again. I, once again, put the scissors to it. Last time turned out well, so I was a little cocky. ( : Since it was about 10:30 at night, my children were not available to hold the mirror for me...this was not good. I was taking some cuts in the dark, so to speak, with the back of my head. It was a little misshapen and uneven. My hair forgives alot, but it was kind of bad. (Erik said his usual "It looks fine." I think he must practice that phrase about a million times a day since that is his reply to pert near everything!!) I am happy to report that although I was not up for going to the salon to get my hair evened out (because I was on a roll cleaning& doing the Christmas tree) - my good friend Libby (who was a stylist in another time in her life) stopped by to visit for a few minutes and was able to get me evened out..sort of. It feels better and I think it looks better, so just grin a little if it looks sort of choppy in places. It is, after all, only hair and it will grow.
We at last have our Christmas tree up and our house is decorated for the big day. This is a weight off of my shoulders..it was done on the twelfth which is about 12 days later than usual!! I was severely panicked and my girls had begun to think we would not have one. My shopping is also done so I can cruise through the next few days until the big day.
I participated in my first cookie exchange. I can now mark that off my list of things to do in this lifetime. I don't know if I will ever do it again, but it was kind of fun. We have alot of cookies, I am sure I will gain alot of weight as they are all quite yummy. I was hoping to pack some pounds on this Christmas anyway...I want to make sure I don't have to buy new clothes or anything. I like my old clothes...some of you have probably noticed. I am a comfort creature and new clothes are seldom comfortable. Especially nicer looking ones. I want to invent a line of dressy classy looking outfits that feel like pajamas. I think they would fly off the racks!! To dream the impossible dream. I think the reason PJ's are so comfy is because they don't define your shape or really touch you anywhere but the generous elastic waist. I am not sure you could look good in pants that made the same claim.
Well, I am off to the library to return our videos and encourage my little readers. Have a great Wednesday!
Monday, December 05, 2005
Mount Washmore has been downgraded to a small foothill...but I must keep at it today...I've got momentum baby!!
This post will be short and sweet! I am hoping and praying to be teaching a class at church for the new year. I am trusting God will work it all out. I have taken the steps I need to and I trust that HE will make the thing happen when he needs it to. I struggle with church being rote not real. Maybe it is only me and God needs to reveal that to me. I just want something that strengthens me in my daily walk. I love praise and worship, but I long for a soft place to fall when life happens. It happens nearly every day and I long for a group of women to pray and bond with. It is somewhat accomplished through Bible study-but sometimes I feel like a constant interruption. People are on a mission to "do the lesson" and I really think it takes a while to get real with one another and share your life. That is where the encouragement starts. I guess I should go back to Al-Anon...that is kind of the atmosphere I want. My life is just so different now but I do miss that group very much. Of all the churches I have attended in my life, Al-Anon is the one I think is most pleasing to Christ. It is truly loving your neighbor (who you really don't even know) and bearing one another's burdens. I want that for our church and my sisters in Christ. We shall see if it happens. I just can't believe I have been through all I have been through for nothing. There are people whose stories I need to hear and people who need to hear my story. We need a class where those stories and more can be shared and we can help each other be more Christlike in our daily walk. This passion burns so strong in me I can't hardly stand it(about 3 years now!!!)...I feel like I am ignoring God's call on my life...Pray patience and direction over me please!!!!
This post will be short and sweet! I am hoping and praying to be teaching a class at church for the new year. I am trusting God will work it all out. I have taken the steps I need to and I trust that HE will make the thing happen when he needs it to. I struggle with church being rote not real. Maybe it is only me and God needs to reveal that to me. I just want something that strengthens me in my daily walk. I love praise and worship, but I long for a soft place to fall when life happens. It happens nearly every day and I long for a group of women to pray and bond with. It is somewhat accomplished through Bible study-but sometimes I feel like a constant interruption. People are on a mission to "do the lesson" and I really think it takes a while to get real with one another and share your life. That is where the encouragement starts. I guess I should go back to Al-Anon...that is kind of the atmosphere I want. My life is just so different now but I do miss that group very much. Of all the churches I have attended in my life, Al-Anon is the one I think is most pleasing to Christ. It is truly loving your neighbor (who you really don't even know) and bearing one another's burdens. I want that for our church and my sisters in Christ. We shall see if it happens. I just can't believe I have been through all I have been through for nothing. There are people whose stories I need to hear and people who need to hear my story. We need a class where those stories and more can be shared and we can help each other be more Christlike in our daily walk. This passion burns so strong in me I can't hardly stand it(about 3 years now!!!)...I feel like I am ignoring God's call on my life...Pray patience and direction over me please!!!!
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