I am in a funk. Parenting is so stinking hard. Sometimes I forget and I am busy enjoying my kids and it sort of sneaks up on me and slaps me hard in the face....figuratively, that is. My kids don't love each other like I want them to. They don't have the confidence I have worked hard to instill in them. They are often mean without provocation and they don't seem to appreciate having parents that work hard to provide for them and protect them.
I know that I am supposed to be a level-headed, even-tempered woman by now and I am NOT. I turn 40 in just a few days and I always figured I would be a bit more mature by now. I am not.
I tell you what I am though. I am strong enough to know that when I am feeling weak and broken, God will mend me and give me strength. I know that when I lose hope of ever being a good mom, that is when God will use my broken spirit to break a generational curse. I know that when I feel there is no possible way to go on, God holds my head up and gives me peace that surpasses understanding.
The best part of being a parent is being able to know that my Heavenly Father has my back. He fills in all the gaping holes my parenting leaves. He binds up the broken and comforts the hurting. That includes me.
I am thankful for peace in the valleys of parenting. There are mountaintops that make me so happy I can't imagine my heart not bursting. Times when my children make me feel proud and honored to have such a noble profession. But the valleys are the times of testing. The times when I can say and do things that suck all the joy from all of our lives. I am so thankful for new mercies every morning...especially this morning.
I'm going to my Father now, to rest in the assurance that He did know what he was doing when he made me a mother X 3. Hopefully, before time to see the children again, I will be ready with an encouraging loving word again...and probably an apology.
2 comments:
You forgot to say parent x3 of GIRLS! That is a whole special assignment unto itself! I thought it would get easier/better/less intense as they got to adulthood or almost adulthood..NO WAY! It was so much easier when they were little and cute and couldn't make complete sentences.
But I have to come to the point when I give them up. What I mean is to say they are individuals just like me and they belong to God. I am just fostering them and fail (epic) at that so much of the time.
You are a passionate parent and that is a beautiful thing!
I think the fact it's 3 girls make a world of difference! When it comes to parenting my three, the boys are definitely easier on the toughest days and I have always said I couldn't handle two Krista's.
You have three beautiful daughters and they may not show it now but they will sneak up on you in the future and give you a glimpse of what you thought they weren't getting has been there all along. They just weren't ready to show you yet because that means accepting you were right all along ;).
My thoughts are with you and the next time my kids give me a rough day (which will probably be tomorrow) I'll try to remember that I am not the only one.
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