Monday, November 07, 2011

Ignorance is Bliss

I think it is funny how our brains work.  The things we forget.  That other people remember, sometimes for a long time.  Recently, one of my very good friends lost her husband very unexpectedly.  As I tried to be there through the experience as often as I could and as usefully as I could, we laughed at the things people say and do to be the older woman who told her, 'at least your still young'.  No doubt, she was trying to encourage my friend.  To my friend, it just felt like a reminder she would not get to grow old with Jeff.  We actually had a good many laughs over things people say to make you feel better in a tragic loss.

AND, in that moment, I felt like the best friend in the world.  I liked feeling like I had never mis-spoke something STOOPID to offer comfort.  Like I had never opened my mouth and inserted my foot.  Yet, I know I have.  I know I have because I tell myself at least 100 times in the funeral home line...remember self:  hug and I am so sorry for your loss, then get moving.  Then I execute that maneuver, usually flawlessly.  If my kids are with me, I am coaching them to do the same.  Sometimes, though, I stand there too long and fill up the silence with, "let me know if you need anything".  Not bad, just too vague to really mean anything.  BUT, there is a little niggle in the back of my brain.  A memory that I can't retrieve.  It is just out of reach.  It must have been a whopper too because I have suppressed it deep into the recesses of my mind.  I know I have said so many stoopid things, done so many rude and hateful things,and made a butt of myself on plenty of occasions. 

I am just so thankful, that while other people may remember and hold these things against me forever, my brain has given me total ignorance in these matters and it is bliss.

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