The tree is up. The house is decorated. The Christmas letters/cards are ready and MIGHT get mailed out tomorrow. The shopping is done, most all of the wrapping is done. The cookies are made and ready for cookie swap tomorrow night. All the 'to do' things are mostly done. And I feel...nothing.
I tell myself that will change as we get more into the festivities of Christmas. A few gatherings with friends and family will make everything all better. This is my favorite time of year and this year it just isn't doing it for me. I'm not going into alot of grumbling because that really doesn't help anything. Some of the circumstances in my life really make me crazy. And yet, we all have circumstances. Mine are no more or less than anyone else's.
All I really know is that this Christmas, the serenity prayer is on my lips non-stop. There are positive changes I could make. There are things about myself that need to change. There are blessings that I don't fully plug into. There are blessings I forget to count. The funny thing about life is that if everything is always good, your character won't grow a bit. Every good thing usually has some bad to weed out of it. Weeding the bad out is hard work and I often neglect it and wonder why I can't find the good. I think I have too many weeds in my character garden to enjoy Christmas this year. The first step is admitting the weeds exist, right?
I am really fighting this year with the expectations my mind has of life, marriage, family and all that it should be versus reality. These expectations are my biggest 'weed'. The expectations are shattering all around and I am doing my best to build a new life for myself in the realities and sweep those expectations into the trash where they can't do any further damage to me and my relationships. Expectations are straight for the Evil One. The only 'for certain' of life is that nothing is 'for certain'.