Friday, October 23, 2009

Random Observations

  • This morning, my van looked like it had dressed up for Halloween-as a pile of pine needles. We have two large pine trees in our front yard and they are seriously molting! I still remember our first fall here when we freaked out -we thought the trees were dying because we awoke one day to pine needle central. Now we enjoy our needling. It is fun to rake them up and play! Excellent kindling for fires, also. I just wonder what our vehicle driving down the road must look like to all you non-pine people, the only clear spot made by the wipers. Of course, once we get up to speed, we cause a nice pine-needley rain.

  • My father-in-law saved my butt with a butt tonight. I left the house this morning in a flurry of flurriness. We had yet another overly scheduled day in a series of overly scheduled days. Edgar Allen Poe plus science co-op plus somebody needing some fabric for a Halloween costume design. By the time piney van pointed back home, I realized two things: I had not put the roast in the crock pot. AND. Roast is very hard to cook quickly. Then hubby rang me to report that my father-in-law smoked us a pork butt. What a perfect day for God to bless us through him. YEAH!

  • My daughter loves to create things. With a sewing machine. (But CERTAINLY not limited to that.) I struggle with it because I cannot sew. Yet I am still sure she is doing it incorrectly. She is not following all the right instructions. She is not using a pattern. She has not completed a comprehensive sewing class. Sure, we have enrolled her in a few classes through the years, so I know she can work the sewing machine and I am happy to see her enjoy it. SOMEBODY(maybe it is me) just needs to loosen up a little and let someone else enjoy a hobby already.

  • I am not only a people pleaser, but I also like to organize people. I enjoy it when I am in control even if things don't always go exactly as planned. This is not always a good thing. Satan uses my GOD-given administrative gifts for evil if I allow it, as in- I am frequently frustrated with things I have no control over. This means my feelings are often hurt when I am not asked or invited to be involved with things. This means I feel shunned and rebellious when I am not in charge. This means I am often jealous of whoever is in charge. Sometimes this jealousy leads to maliciousness-mostly only inside my own brain, but occasionally free flowing. This is a serious problem that is eating away at my very soul. In my soul-searching inventory, it has top-billing. I don't like confessing it. However, as I have gotten older and wiser, one thing continues to ring true; by the time I am ready to confess a sin, everbody done knowed it.

  • I had an epiphany today. I have always fallen right smack in the middle between two crowds-fitting everywhere and nowhere. Friends with everyone and no one. I had thought that was just my lot in life until recently. It occurred to me in an almost mind-numbing way, that I am still trying to be a "cool" kid in most areas of my life. That I still seek desperately to be a "popular kid" despite being SURROUNDED with TRUE friends that LOVE ME and whom I dearly love. What kind of sickness causes a person to jeopardize fellowship with people who love me, want to help me be a better person, love my children, respect my parenting, respect my marriage and spouse for people who consistently offer me none of the above? I am a good friend who has many good friends. That is a blessing and ENOUGH already with trying to make the whole world like me!! Everyone isn't going to and it is REALLY OK. (Truly accepting that is the hard part.)

  • I am looking in the mirror and giving myself a Stuart Smalley(The only good thing Al Franken has ever done!) pep talk: I'm good enough, smart enough and doggone it, people like me.

  • Lastly, I have had me on a back-burner for so long, I have let the pot run dry. My character defects have about taken over our family and shipwrecked us all. When jumping in to save the world, one must first make sure to put on a life preserver.(Some self-esteem would be a nice place to start, heehee.) As I continue to declutter our "stuff ", I'm taking a little time to ask God to help me find myself again-in a positive way. I am asking Him to help me declutter some attitudinal crap.

Be patient, random observations usually lead to good stuff.

No comments: