(bulleted for your reading enjoyment)
- My new friend Phyllis pointing out a 'pride' issue that I was blissfully unaware of has really made an impact on me in a positive way. I can't say it was fun to hear, but it was right on the mark. This week I have pondered all the ways that sin has crept into my life and prevented me from being the person God wants me to be. It has allowed me to blame people and circumstances for things that are clearly orchestrated by the evil one. It is so easy to forget who the real enemy is!! My pride problem works like this: Someone says or does something that I find hurtful. I then choose to believe that it is a way to undermine me because that someone does not want me around, doesn't like me, doesn't respect me-fill in the blank. I then begin to distance myself from those people and circumstances because if they don't want me I don't want to be there. I choose to take offense and be offended. The reality is, STUFF HAPPENS. Sometimes I say something that is taken the wrong way. Sometimes I take something said the wrong way. Sometimes I am hurtful with my words on purpose and other people are too-usually we feel bad later and wish we had not. Sometimes I don't know all the details and fill in the blanks, erroneously. To think that things happen out of some form of malice is ridiculous. Sure, that is probably the case 2% of the time. (When I was in middle school the number was more around 88%, perhaps the scarring is deeper than I thought!) Most of the time though, it is imperfect people solving problems imperfectly, imperfect people communicating imperfectly. To see myself as some sort of VICTIM is very prideful. To think that other people are so worried about me that they will go out of their way to leave me out, talk bad about me, connive ways to hurt me is ridiculous. Furthermore, if that ever is the case, I need to be praying for those people not resenting and avoiding them. Pride is big. It puts me at the center of the world and that is a spot best reserved for someone whose sandals I am not fit to carry. We won't have perfect Christian fellowship this side of Heaven.
- I have not been training my children. I have been dictating to my children. This will not grow them into the people God plans for them to be. We all do better when we are trained and equipped for a job, not ordered around. Being ordered around just leads to rebellion. I have a Ph.D in rebellion. I don't want the same for anyone else, especially not my children.
- I am nowhere near the declutterer I want to be. I am working diligently towards it, but I want a plan. I will be setting some goals and working towards them instead of waiting for 'the mood' to strike. 'The mood' is very elusive and can't be trusted.
- I am slipping into summer nothingness. I don't want to let it slip away and not accomplish anything. There is so much fun stuff we can do and still not be regimented. I want fun for us this summer, not hanging by our toes like a sloth. I only want to be the sloth once a week.
- I did not miss TV one time while away at camp. I loved all the face time I had with real people. The kids I met at camp inspired and encouraged me. The grown-ups I met were real and honest and wonderful. I am grateful to have had such an awesome opportunity to be a part of the staff. I can't wait until next year. and the next. and the next.
- It truly does take a village to raise kids. Other grown-ups can encourage my kids to do something with one word that would take me a lifetime to get them to do. It is an amazing gift when someone cares enough about my kids to get to know them, encourage them to be good people, and still love them when they are unpleasant. I hope God will help me to be the same to their children-all children. Jesus gave us a mandate to love the little children. They are not finished and they need love. The lost unlovable need it the most. God, please give me the love I need to share!
- I am blessed to have friends who love me enough to share truths with me-good and bad. The bad stuff is critical. God means our friendships to be iron sharpening iron. Who among us wants to be the dullest tool in the tool shed?
So, there you have it. A compilation to all the 'deep thoughts' of janjanmom. Some of my lofty goals can be accomplished quickly. However, most of the changes that need to be made will take a while.
God, You are good. Blessed be Your Name in a land that is suffering.