If I could think of a word to describe myself this week it would be...FRAGILE. I am feeling pretty inadequate in all areas of my life. I wish I could blame it on the weather (Which did the old bait and switch, beautiful almost summer like weather and then SNOW!!), but the truth is that the nice weather propped up my MOOD, but my heart is still achin'.
I put the blame squarely on Beth Moore's shouders. Why not? Okay, maybe it is just where it all started. Last Thursday(not yesterday-the week before that) when she addressed FEAR. Of course, I know what I fear- water, bridges, heights-no biggie. I get better about those fears as I get older and I never let them hold me back. I would say I have nearly conquered the water one. (The escalator one doesn't even trip me up these days!) She talked about real fear, the kind that controls our lives, influences all the decisions we make, effects every facet of our lives in huge and powerful ways. AND I was brought to my knees. Fear has a very powerful role in almost all of my decision making. Too powerful. So, this weak week, I am re-assesssing some of my life decisions and then burying myself in a book to get away from it. It is entirely too much for me. I've read two books consecutively and there are more to come. I'm in the denial-running stage of conviction. Today though, I am SLOWLY morphing into the thinking/processing mode. I'm probably gonna be here a while. Prayers appreciated.