Tuesday, February 26, 2008

I Gotta Be Me

And on days like any day this week, I would prefer not to. Too many things are going on. Too many things are devastating my feelings. Too many people's feelings are devastated by me. Too much stress for too long. I am blessed to have a husband who really really loves me-and he knows how I am-and he still loves me anyway. Okay, typing that made me cry, but it is still true. He pretty much expects that I am gonna open my mouth and say things that at the least I will regret. He also has gone from hating that and being embarrassed to loving me for speaking up about things I truly care about. He has gone from hating me being such an "open book" to preferring others who are also open books. God knew what he was doing when he brought us together-both flawed and broken-to heal us and make us better together than we were apart. OK, I have cried, prayed and cried some more. I have apologized, lamented, and hated being me enough. Now it is time to move on. I don't really hate being me. Sometimes, but it is really the only thing I am good at so I have to keep being the best me I can.

Refocus on positive things:
  • Hubby found me a van, just like my old van only better. It has a few more bells and whistles but it will still be what I had. A paid-for white minivan. We will get it tomorrow. The kids and I drove it a bit yesterday. I like it.
  • Erika and I got my mom's entire bathroom packed last night. Today we will go and pack up more and maybe even unpack some at the new house. My mom has six curling irons. My mom does not use a curling iron. Apparently we all moved out and left them at home. Kinda funny. This is going to be fun, the things we will come across will no doubt be hilarious. Here are some other funny things: Ipecac syrup I bought "just in case" after Erika was born (EXP 1998); nail polish remover I bought when I was 16; claire's ear care solution for when I got my ears pierced in 6th grade. The things we keep are hilarious!
  • My step-father is happy that he will be going home soon. He is happier now that the going home date seems closer. A few days ago, he looked like he might cry. He's 84 and doesn't like being away from home and my mom at all. They have not seen each other in about a month.
  • My mom has finally reached a point where she can manuever herself around well. It is going to be really hard for her while she builds up her upper body strength, but she is well on her way.
  • The weather is rainy, but it is also warmer and I am so glad to see it! I hope it sticks around for a while.

I love you bloggy friends. I love you even more, real life friends who are also bloggy friends-Hula girl blessed me with supper tonight. God bless you Hula! Thanks for listening to me whine, vent and rejoice.

1 comment:

hulagirlatheart said...

You're welcome. The Methodist in me feels a little guilty because I didn't have time to include a dessert.