Holiday Togetherness

Now that I have told you how much I like everyone, explained the people I LIKE and why that is different, now we will talk about another group of people. The people I can't stand. Age and maturity have taught me to choose carefully the people I spend large amounts of time with. I never would have believed it as a teen or young adult-but your peers have a HUGE impact on your attitude. Spending large hunks of time with people who hate everything will make you discontent. Spending large hunks of time with people who cuss will make your vocabulary shrink. Spending time with generous, warm, loving people will make you more generous, warm, and loving. Not only are we judged by the company we keep, we judge ourselves by the company we keep. I like me a whole lot more when I among people who make wise decisions than anywhere else.

Having lived in this glorious small town all my life, running into someone I "partied" with or hurt in some way is at least a monthly occurrance. It would be easy for me to beat myself up for it-to think I have not really changed. However, I reject that path. It is from the evil one. I am forgiven, I am different. And yet, I am still the same person. I am stuck with some of those consequences forever. Several in my family think I am the biggest hypocrite in the whole world-being all churchy churchy after all the crap I've done. They don't get how God works. I have not been saved because I have altered my behavior, rather my behavior is altered because I am saved. It is not anything I did or am doing. It is ALL Christ. Any good that is seen in me is ALL Him. If I ever forget that and think it is me, that I am somehow good because I am smarter and better than someone else-that is where a very judgemental haughty spirit is born. Yes, I go there-all the time. Fortunately, I am tapped into a God that will then allow me to run into "fun" people from my past and I realize that without God, I was full of all the sin I so despise. I'm not better, God is good and faithful. He straightened me out, not me-I just bent my will to His. Spiritual discipline-I am so thankful for it.

So anyway, back to the point-there are people I can't stand to be around. Now, as a Christian, this is not okay. We are ALL God's children. Called to LOVE one another. That means everyone-I don't get to pick and choose. Love is a verb, not a feeling. It means blessing and not cursing(defined as making someone less desirable to others-judging). I have dug out my tattered copy of "How To Love Someone You Can't Stand" by Milton Jones. It is a quick read-81 pages of almost constant scripture. It helps me remember to do good. To be a "do-gooder" all the days of my life. I'm not, but I want/try to be. I have pulled it out to remind me this holiday season. Required daily reading, in fact, for me. Here are some of the key points in this book because someone else out there may need this-just to make it through Christmas!!

1. Your problem is not with people. It is with evil. Satan is the father of lies and he uses those lies to destroy relationships. Destroyed relationships allow him to do his best work and keep us trapped in a life of sin. "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." Romans 12:21. quote from the book "Good is when you get your focus off yourself and look at someone else(even if that someone is a person you can't stand). You see their needs and do something about them. What is going to happen to this world if we don't do good? What will happen to them if I don't help?"
2. "Manage your mouth-Bless and don't curse." He goes into great detail about how we curse others with our slanderous words. If it makes others see them in a negative light, it is a curse. For instance, "She would not be good for that job as she is always late." "She makes commitments and doesn't ever follow through." Now part of me thinks this is totally unfair-it seems as though those are just shared facts. But then I imagine myself as that person being discussed. Those are discussions that need to be had with her and NO ONE else. This IS A BIGGIE for Christians!! We do it all the time. I call it gossip "for your own good". "I just want to warn you before you enter into ministry with her....." I'm so convicted right now. I struggle so much with this one!!!
3. "Seek first to understand, then to be understood." Don't expect non-Christians to have Christian behavior-that is HUGE!! Understand where the other person is coming from...walking a mile in their shoes. At times, I think I have this one mastered and then I will be gently reminded of a time when I totally blew it-recently I went through a big long dissertation on how much I hate my hair to a friend losing hers to chemo-DUH!! Fortunately, she is a good friend that I have a good relationship with-"At least you have hair!", she said. I think she "gets" me. I don't think I was being very understanding of her-she was helping me. ( ;
4. We never get to take revenge. Ever. Ever. It impossible for us to judge the heart of someone else, that is why God is the judge-not us. Their behavior may be atrocious-but they may be right where God wants/needs them to be to draw them to Himself. Do I want to ruin that for Him? I just need to love them right where they are-and pray for them if I am that concerned with their behavior!!
5. Plan ahead how to react to wrong done to us. Retaliate with something beautiful. Always try to do the right thing-something good in the eyes of all men. "So profound that it not only moves your enemies to the Lord but also others who observe it." For example, the victims of the Amish schoolhouse shooting- WOW. Weren't we all profoundly moved by their forgiveness?
6. Peace must be fought for. Do everything you can do to keep it. Seek peace whether the other person does or not. It won't always be achieved. Sometimes other people choose not to be peaceful. If we have done all we can-honestly-it is all we can do and we must accept that the other person did not choose to be at peace with us. "You can't make someone else do the right thing just because you have." Do the right thing anyway.

Overall, this book is about REALLY loving people. It is hard and it is so foreign to what we want to do. Loving the unlovable is our calling. No one ever said it would be easy. People are hard, relationships are harder. God's plan is good. If we focused on love more, our churches would be bursting at the seams.