I walked into church this morning and felt good. Worship was a blessing today. I was so happy that three of our teens got baptized at Winterfest that I was tearful through every song. God is so good and his way is the right way. We Christians are so off-focused sometimes-but today, for me, my focus was God and things were good. (I was even able to smile at Lilly antics that usually make me cower and cringe and LONG TO disappear. Not disobedient, just very annoying.)
God is so real and relevant. Just what everyone needs, salve for our wounds.
The sermon was on discipleship, a topic very heavy on my heart lately. I feel called to do it but not necessarily equipped. I struggle with not having been discipled most of my life. Even as I type that, I realize it isn't true. God has discipled me my whole walk. I guess I meant God through his people.
Altar call came and I thought, wow, I feel convicted to respond. Maybe that isn't God nudging me, maybe I just feel strongly today and that is why I think I should. The song was "I Have Decided to Follow Jesus". Let me clarify, I have decided to follow Jesus. Actively, I am trying desperately to walk the walk and talk the talk. I would give myself a five out of ten most days, other days may veer wildly from an 9.5 to a .5. This week I am feeling really good about my walk because of people I have talked to and issues on my heart that I have found peace in.
I thought today's sermon was really one everyone should respond to...and so I said to God, "If someone else does, I will go as well."
God countered immediately, "Though none go with me, still I will follow" and so I went.
I now feel like the crazy woman who goes to the altar all the time. It just is not done in my church. EVER. And this is not my first time, more like the umpteenth time. Most Sundays I just ignore the strong urge I have to go up and pray. People at my church just don't do that, unless something horrible has happened to you, certainly not something such as feeling like you are "off-track" which is what is going on with me today.
I feel detoured by Satan with the busyness that is my life. I feel very strongly that I should be doing some things, but I am so busy doing "other stuff" that I can't do the things I feel called to do. I believe I am in a web of works that is designed by the devil to keep me busy. I blame myself. I thought as long as I was busy doing church work, I was doing God's work. I am finding this is not the case.
So I am up there today, feeling like a freak-an obedient freak. I decided it doesn't matter. What matters is that when God tells me to do it, I do it. I hope to not be the only one some day but for right now...I am the crazy lady that goes to the altar all the time.