Sunday, May 21, 2006

I have a serious problem. I have taken a huge overdose of grace. Somewhere along this way of life I have decided that since I have grace and can never be perfect, I can do whatever I want. Okay, maybe I have not taken it quite that far, but I have taken it pretty far indeed!! I am not set apart for God and scarcely resemble any sort of holiness. Somehow in all this talk about grace and forgiveness, I forgot God actually does require a new way of life for me.

I am struggling with an overdose of grace and lack of boundaries. My preacher asked a question today(paraphrased)-If you imagine a line with Secular/Worldly on one end and Godly/Holy on the other end-where do I fall. I don't know what the rest of the sermon was really about because the conviction stabbed me in the belly with a knife. I KNOW how I feel inside. I know the gift of Christ I have received. Does my life show it? If there were a hidden camera, would the crew at dateline declare me a Christian? Is the fruit of my spirit evident? Do I have fruit or just jams? I have to say with total honesty that I probably fall somewhere right smack in the middle of that line-just slightly over into the secular side. I don't think this is what God has in mind when he asked me to be the "light of the world, salt of the earth".

Don't get started on "There is nothing I can do to earn my salvation"-I know that. I also know I am the only Jesus some people will ever see-do I take that captive in my soul every day? Does Christlikeness exude from my actions?

Oh friends, I am going to be praying some new prayers and studying this week. Please pray for me. I want to be holy, I am the daughter of a king and I want it to show.

6 comments:

Susie said...

Wow. Go you! Many of us walk around with that challenge, and fail to recognize it. Good for you in hearing God's voice about it.

I'm struggling along with ya, girl. : ) Praying for you . . .

Juliabohemian said...

I know exactly what you mean. There have been periods where I have been living very well, praying alot and really in tune with God. But the last year or so has been really dry and I just feel like I am falling back on the whole Grace thing. It's not that I think I can earn my salvation. But, that doesn't mean I have to act like it's owed to me either.

Heather said...

with you in the stuggle

~d said...

your ernestness will get you through this time. Be well, and don't be so hard on yourself.

jessica said...

Thanks for your honesty! I would sit right on that line with you... I have always struggled with what I should give up in honor of my Lord... is it ok to go dancing... what about $1 margaritas at the mexican food restaurant... it is easy to say all is good within moderation... but is it really? Does it keep you from the Lord?

BohemianMama said...

I know what you mean. Also know that your desire to please Him, does in fact please Him. That reminds me of a prayer I like, check my blog for it later. . .

I frustrate myself as well. Here's one small example: I love Him more than ever and feel closer to Him than ever, but I also cuss WAY more than I used to, and my kids have even repeated it several times lately. YIKES!