Sunday, January 22, 2006

It happened when I was about 11 years old. My bubble was burst when I, a child who loved to song, was told I was not a good singer. It was devastating. My sister and I had been the Mandrell sisters for years in our imagination. She was Barbara, I was Louise. Now I would have to be Irlene, she never sang but could play the drums. That was no good to me-I had no interest in those (and yet grew up to marry a drummer???) I never got over it. For years I thought I was tone deaf, until my husband told me that, no you can sing do, ra, mi... so that means you are not tone deaf. Then he said "I'm not sure why you can't"...tuned the rest out.

I have had a happy understanding with God since that fateful day that I would still sing, loudly and often IN PRIVATE. Public worship has never been my thing and I have been completely content. I say it all the time! I just asked someone that exact thing on Tuesday night at scrapbooking- "Do you think I am sinning because I dislike worship time at church?" She said of course not. I went on to say I was a private worshipper...it was personal between God and I! God disagreed...he told me so in a scripture. Psalm 35:18. I didn't like this verse. I had been blissfully ignorant of this scripture. It says, "I will give you thanks in the great assembly; among throngs of people I will praise you." It did not happen for me at church Wed. night but it has been on my heart all week. CONVICTION!!!! I was so happy as a move your lips ever so slightly barely make a noise singer. "Public worship just isn't for me, I prefer to worship in private"

Well today was when the rubber met the road. I sang my little offkey heart out and I was amazed. I did not care what anyone thought and got an extra boost out of PUBLIC worship I did not think possible. It was amazing. I hope I don't start crying like I do when it is one of "my" songs and I am alone, but if you look over and see my tear stained face, you'll know there is a "crying among the throngs of people" scripture that God has revealed to me as well. Please don't send me any lifting holy hands scripture just yet...baby steps please. I am a work in progress, thank you Jesus!

1 comment:

BohemianMama said...

That's just fine for you to feel that way, Janice! Sometimes it's just not natural to "turn on" worship just b/c the leader or whoever says 1-2-3 worship/sing/ whatever . . . but I'm glad you sang your little heart out and were encouraged!
Love ya,
Julie