Even though you can't tell it from the horrible neglect, I love my blog. I love the history of my family that it represents. I love the personal growth it has caused me. I love the connections I have made with both of my readers, lol.
The words I have written here are glimpses into my soul. Some of them still hold true, others allowed me to express some pain and through that expression, the pain was eliminated. Once upon a time, I didn't care a bit if I hurt people with my words. In fact, honestly, sometimes it was a cowardly attempt to do just that. I am content to know that I am not that person any longer. Although my words probably still injure people, it is not my intention to do so anymore. I've made some enemies here and there because of my blog and other communications, but all I can do is apologize and then do better. However, some of those damaged relationships remain. Some people choose not to forgive and choose to still dislike me. I hate that fact, but it doesn't change it.
I've heard the phrase, time and words can never be recalled. True words for sure, but I have to remember, it is a choice to be offended. I choose whether to let the words someone speaks to me injure me. Even if they mean it for ill, I can choose to HONESTLY and COMPLETELY not be offended. It takes alot of maturity to do so. Some days I have it and others I don't. Of the people I know, some of them are EAGER to be offended. They look for ways to misconstrue the things people say. God love them, what a miserable way to live. I've been there. I hope I never return to it. I hope I can always give people the benefit of a doubt...even if they don't really deserve it.
The people I live in community with love me, faults and all. Sometimes I speak before I think and they trust my heart more than my words. Now those are relationships that will help a girl grow into maturity.
Last night, my daughter, Kayla, made a remark about how bleaching your hair blonde is so un-natural...to four people who dye their hair blonde that she dearly loves. We all just laughed and laughed as she pantomined putting her foot in her mouth. What a wonderfully safe and loving place to mis-speak. We should all be so lucky when we speak before thinking.
I am so thankful for the blessing of true friendships...the ones that love and remember the good I say and do, but selectively, INTENTIONALLY overlook the stupid or mean things that may pop out of my mouth along the way. And CERTAINLY laugh at all of my jokes, appropriate or not.
At this stage in my life, I truly long for being at peace with everyone. Perhaps I am finally getting some wisdom.
James 3:17-18 17 But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18 Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.
1 comment:
Girl, you have no idea how I needed to read this today...I was just fixing to log off FB when your post came up on the news feed...I have some "friends" who really try to twist my words around so they can be offended...and then I live in the constant bondage of trying to keep from offending them...it's very tiring to always have to filter every word you say...thanks for the reminder to thank the ones who "trust my heart more than my words." You are still as good a writer as you were in high school :)
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