It has been a very interesting week, to say the least. Of course, I am incapable of saying the least-so I will say the most. ( :
I miss all of my chicks still being in the nest. I love what homeschool does for the family. I love the insulated cocoon and the total control. I hate the painful things that Lilly is going to encounter at school. She will get her feelings hurt, hurt someone's feelings, be rejected, fail, and will be made to feel really stupid at least once. She will also make possible life-time friends, learn how to apologize, be accepted, succeed and be made to feel really smart way more than once. I know that my child needs this. She needs to be around kids her own age. She needs to not be looked down upon for being 9. She needs to know what 9 feels like and acts like. But most importantly, she needs a team of cheerleaders called teachers. The same thing I needed when I was her age. That is the main reason I can make this adjustment.
I will be going through the steps to get Erika enrolled this week. She really wants to make the change back to public school. I believe that this is an important step for her as well. I worry about all the things that can happen, all the changes she will face, but I have to have faith that she is God's. I also know that she needs an art program and someone who isn't me to help guide her on her creative path. Her talents are numerous and amazing.
Kayla is most reluctant about going to school. I believe it is simple fear and that those fears are copmpletely unfounded. There is no end to what she is capable of. This is a child who is an academic whiz, but prefers the sidelines socially. God has given her amazing intellect and I don't think she should hide it under a bush-OH NO! She is so much fun to be around and yet, she has such a hard time making her way around other teens. I may have to push her forcefully, yet gently into the next phase of life. She needs to develop all of the skills necessary to be successful in life. Social skills are just as important as intellect.
I have been homeschooling for almost 7 years. I am so thankful for this station in life. I love my kids but I am an empty vessel right now. I hate admitting failure-which is kind of what I feel right now. I am stuck between the school world and the homeschool community. Truly, there is no middle ground. People have made some of the crassest comments to me about homeschool. They seem to think that since we are back to school, I must be rejecting the concept. Nothing could be further from the truth. Of course, my homeschool friends don't exactly understand either and see it as sort of giving up before the finish line. I really don't think-and have never thought-that one is better than the other. I think I have been lucky to be in a positon to have a choice. Most people don't have the choice and therefore have never even considered it. I see good and bad in both situations. I still see good and bad in both situations.
I am trusting God on this one. He has allowed me to come to a place where I am no longer able to be positive and give what I need to give to educate my children properly at home. I have to trust that there is some reason OR that there is some greater plan that needs this. I am thankful that my children will have their minds opened to some realities. The sheltered world we live in has created some judgemental attitudes that make me cringe. I don't want my kids to think we are better than anyone else-EVER. We are not. Nor are we not as good as anyone else. God does not have favorites, we are all His children. Some of us come to Him easily and live for Him easily. Others have a much harder time. We are still all His. I am so thankful they have not walked some of the roads that I have walked. I hope they never do. HOWEVER, I hope they can come to realize somehow that God doesn't really care how we get to Him, He only cares that we get to Him. It isn't our job to judge the roads, but to love the people on those roads. I hope whatever the next step is for our family, that we can keep focused on Him above anything else.