Rough Week

So this week began with me running over my dog and ended with our central air dying.  Did I mention this is back to school week?  (Dog is fine now and air is scheduled to be fixed on Tuesday.  We have loaner window units to get us through til then.  I'm a bit toasty as I type this, but later the room I will be sleeping in will be ice cold.)(Back to school week is over and we made it.  Lilly put in 5 days and Erika and Kayla two...I'm fine with that, Lilly WANTED SCHOOL.  Ask and you shall receive,)

The good thing about this week, though, is the opportunity to get to hear Patrick Mead...(different link from the archives...ONE OF MY FAVES)speak three nights in a row at a neighboring church.  He inspires me and also resonates with me.  I get the sense that he is as frustrated with churches and Christians as I am (as Anne Rice is) and yet he is determined to do something about it.  To be different in real and meaningful ways.  To truly be a church without walls...(our church is focused on this right now.)

(Stepping onto soapbox.)

I subscribe to several Christian Activist ezines.  WHY!!??  I need to get them out of my life because the titles make me so mad, I just delete it without even bothering to read.  There is a world FULL of people who are hurting and they need Jesus.  They don't need church, they need Jesus and fellowship with other believers.  Me boycotting Disney, Walmart, or Target won't be nearly as effective for the kingdom as loving my neighbor. 

TRUE CONFESSION:  I do boycott Hardee's and Burger King.  They both have advertisements that offend me on a regular basis.  I, in turn, don't spend my money there.  I don't care if you do.  I'm not gonna start a mass emailing to make others boycott.  I won't question your Christian-ness when you eat a Hardee's chicken biscuit. If you ask me why, I will tell you it is the fact that they used VERY sexual ads to promote burgers.  Sure sex sells but I don't think it has any place in a burger joint that features kids meals. 

It has nothing to do with Jesus and I'm not gonna pretend that it does.  Jesus cares much more about the girl in that ad who has made life choices that have now made her a sexual object...she has a soul and he wants that soul to know Him.  Jesus longs for the guy buying that burger because he links it to porn to be free from the ravages pornography causes.

(Stepping off soapbox)

In other news, I am not in a good place right now and it is my own fault.  I am once again caught up in the crazy cycle of thinking people are not okay until they fit my model of what okay looks like.  My kids, my husband, even my dog and I have all disappointed me in huge ways this week.  You'd think I would get it...I am officially a slow learner at life.  That still makes me a learner though, and I'll take 'still learning' over 'got it all figured out' any day.

Now, I have to plug SYD because his blog is like a meeting in my reader and I am thankful for his sincere, heartfelt honesty.  Like Jesus, it is something the world needs more of.

The following is a direct quote from him, the emphasized parts are what could have been mine!

SYD speaks to me on every level, most all of the time:

"My lack of boundaries was evident from the amount of time and emotional energy I put into relationships. I was willing to sacrifice a lot and give much more than I got. That's definitely not a good thing and indicates my lack of boundaries. I basically let myself experience feelings of caring and love towards a very needy person who was an alcoholic. By not keeping any semblance of a boundary, I lost my own identity by giving so much of myself.




Probably my biggest lack of a boundary came from having an image of the way the perfect relationship is supposed to be. It was a fantasy, yet reality was far from pretty. This resulted in my giving, with the hope of having the fantasy become reality, but it never did. I had a belief that I couldn't fail and if I persisted, all would be okay. So I would keep pushing, hoping to make what I wanted to happen come true. My motivation was fairly simple: I was terrified of being rejected and abandoned. "