- God has blessed me immensely by giving me a friend with some similar struggles as another loved one in my life. This is a constant source of strength and encouragement to me. It helps me remember that DISEASES are big and scary but with SUPPORT, not as big or scary.
- My denial of diseases that are big and scary is lessening. They come in all shapes and sizes and impact us in forever ways. Denial is not a good plan but hard to let loose of.
- We had a wonderful evening last night with what I will have to call extended family because there are no other words. It was good food and good fellowship. I love the Christmas traditions our family gets to enjoy together. I hope my kids are making wonderful memories.
- My girls can usually be counted on to be grateful and also to have good manners in the gifting department. This doesn't stop my constant reminders, but it is a good thing.
- A recent job offer, sideline-of course, is in our journey. I remain undecided. There are many things in our life that could use a good shake-up and this area is tops. This could be a really awesome step of faith for us. I hope we are open to God's leading, no matter the direction. This seems to be a question that keeps repeating and in the past the answer seemed crystal clear. These days, not so much-at least for me.
- As my sucke' attitude mingles with my depression, it is getting harder to go through the motions of life. The good news is that I am forced to rely on God all day long, pretty much every day. The better news is that those unrealistic expectations I have been harboring for so long have been handed to God. As soon as I can really give them up-truly letting go of them-I know God will hand something better back. He is in the business of taking all our broken dreams and plans, repackaging them and reminding us His plan is better. My heart knows this, but my heart also really wanted those dreams and plans. My pride really liked my plans.
So all in all, I feel very blessed today. However, in the blunt world of honesty that I live in, I can't fake a big cheesy smile. I am forced to just be resting in the arms of a God that loves me whether I am sporting a smile or hanging by a thread.