Wednesday, July 22, 2009


I am in a really weird place right now, spiritually. I'm hearing alot of information batted around about surrender. What it looks like and how to go about living a surrendered life. Trouble is, I don't see the examples I need. I pretty much have given up being perfect and I am now content with needing new mercies every day, hour, sometimes even minute. My prayer time with God usually lasts from the time I get up until the time my last child goes to bed. I read scripture throughout the day and thankfully it comes to me in settings where I really need to lean on it. So, am I surrendered? I don't feel like I am by the standards I hear at times. I have never been on a mission trip, I don't even have one planned. I have not rescued any children from Africa, or even America. Sometimes I feel like my own children need rescuing from their mama!!

I occasionally like to smoke a clove cigarette(I smoke about a pack a year-that's 20 cigarettes). I eat too much on a regular basis. I love a good margarita. Some of my TV habits don't scream, "CHRISTIAN!". My body is a temple, but it needs to be downsized and remodeled. Naturally, when I compare myself to a Walton's watching, fitness guru, never smoked tee totalling Christian-I feel a bit inferior.

AND THEN, I remind myself that my God is a God of hearts. I don't have to impress the Christian world doing wonderful gestures. I have to admit my faults and give God my entire self-even that part of me that is a little too comfy in this world. In God's eyes, I am an awesome, cleansed by the blood of Christ child that belongs to Him. I can do little things all day that scream surrender-TO HIM. Sometimes I forget that when I am busy beating myself up-with help from the evil one-for not being good enough. There is no condemnation in the Lord. Praise the Lord, I hear Stephanie S. speaking that over me when I get mired up in it. The devil really wants me to believe I am a BAD Christian. He sits ready with examples of failure every day and sometimes he even uses God's people to help him deliver the message.

I am so thankful for the people in this world who are making huge brushstrokes for God's big canvas of life. I pray for them and I am awed by the blessings they provide to so many. I even hide the hope in my heart that I am raising 3 of those people right now. But you know what? I'll be happy with the type of Christians that just try really hard to love people with the love of the Lord. The people that serve God by: loving people through their jobs, raking the yard of an elderly person, letting someone 'cut' into traffic without getting angry, taking the smallest piece of pizza, sharing with others, serving their family, listening when a friend hurts-crying if necessary, teaching the kids at church-especially those kids that are a pain in the rump, doing things that they don't have the skills for because it has to be done. Those are the people that make the world go 'round. The Mother Teresa's of the world. Sure she did BIG STUFF. She did it one little thing, one person at a time. That is the kind of surrender I can sink my teeth into.

You know what? I was wrong. I am surrounded by examples of surrender. A surrendered life isn't only found in the grandiose things of life. Like so much of being a Christian, it is the small stuff that changes people's hearts and lives. It is the minutia of our day to day life that builds our relationship with Christ AND our relationship with people.

I feel more surrendered already.


Tiffany said...

You preach it girl!!! I can totally relate and have been where you are thinking I should do more for God, bigger, better stuff. But, I was reminded over and over again that my first ministry is to my family, right now that is my mission field. If I am doing too much elsewhere it takes away from my own family. I have my own set of things that make me feel like a bad christian sometimes but at the end of the day I know that God loves me and cherishes me and accepts me. Awesome post!!!

Mia said...

Your mission field is right in front of you! I see Jesus in so many things you do : )