The girls are all three involved in a program this week that gives me many many hours of uninterrupted freedom. And I'm not quite sure what to do with myself. Yesterday, hubby was off so we had lots to do and nothing to do. We accomplished some and watched a movie. Today, I dropped them off and came to the library. I have browsed some things I needed to browse, made some notes that needed to be made and now I am blogging. I still have time left. This makes me fully realize what kind of sacrifice I am making to homeschool my children. I could have this every day. Personal time. Non-referee time. Time to finish projects that hubby nags me about never finishing. Time to read more books. Time to plan menus, clean, bargain shop more effectively. Time to do my Bible study. Time to polish my parenting skills. Absence to allow my heart to grow fonder of all members of my family. Time to get a part-time job that would give me MONEY in addition to time. Time, time, time. Can I just admit right now how much that tempts me??? Especially as we begin the long road of tween/teendom.
I knew homeschooling was not an easy choice. I knew it would require alot of me. I guess I just never realized that the other demands that life makes on my life would also not change. My husband does expect a clean house and meals. He isn't a tyrant, he just sees that as part of my job description as a housewife. I expect a clean house and meals as well-from myself as part of my job description also. There is also the expectation of frugal shopping (one income family-DUH!) which could totally be a full-time job. I'm not talking mall madness, I'm talking about food and the necessities of life for a family of five. There is alot to running a household. This is true whether you homeschool or not. Whether you work outside the home or not. I honestly don't know how women who work full-time outside the home can accomplish anything on the homefront. Sometimes I just can't keep up with the expectations of me. That makes me feel like an utter failure.
All of this to say, sometimes I question the decisions I have made for myself. Especially on days where the kids seem to hate homeschool, hubby seems disappointed with my "productivity", and I am so tired I just want to crawl back into bed and take a nap.
Have I lost myself? Is there ever a place that women get to just feel good about what their lifesong sings? Is the grass always greener on the other side of the fence? Is there a lawn service that keeps it that green? Where should I go for my SABBATICAL? See what happens when I have free time. Worlds are colliding. Independent Janice is luring Janjanmom with shiny happy free time.