Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Foot In Mouth Disease

Those who know me well know that I did not plan any of my children. The fact that I have two less than a year apart probably alludes to that lack of planning. They are all special little blessings planned only by God, but very loved and appreciated. I am actually thankful God just decided, because looking back-I know I would have planned things all different and it would have been a bad thing. Instead, I have a wonderful semi-large family that I love.

Because I had to work so hard NOT to get pregnant (two of mine were conceived while I was on the pill) and now have my tubes tied, I am clueless how the other half feels. The half that struggle with infertility. I am not entirely clueless, because I have many friends who were unable to conceive and a few who paid alot of astronomical doc bills to get preggers. I don't understand why God has divied up the pregnancies the way he has. I have several friends who would have been awesome parents and yet they could not be. They did not choose to adopt, they just accepted the fact that children would not be an option. They are not bitter or angry (anymore). I also know some people who only have one and yet wanted many many more. When you come across single child families, you just assume it was a choice-it isn't always.

A couple of months ago, I was teasing someone who has one child to hurry up and get started on the next one. OPEN MOUTH, INSERT FOOT. She then confided to me how they are trying-but it is really hard for her to get pregnant. She had just had a visit and was hoping that she was pregnant. We talked about it at length and I listened to the heartbreak involved. I have been praying that God will allow them another child. Only He knows if that is a possibility, but I am interceding for her anyway. She told me today, they have had two more tries since that day we spoke. No success. My heart aches for her. It makes me feel so unworthy. Why did God give me so many and make her have to jump through such hoops to get one? Why did another one of my friends not only have to quit trying, but had to have a total hysterectomy as well?

No conclusions here folks. Just putting it on a long list of questions I have for God. I know His will is perfect and He sees the big picture and I see with my limited vision. My limited vision just wishes all those pregnancies getting terminated by people who don't want them could have been given to those praying and wishing for them.

**WARNING: Searching for foot IN mouth images gets alot of foot AND mouth disease pics-ugh!!***


Jacinda said...

I don't feel I will ever understand why some are blessed with pregnancies while others who so desperately pray for it are not blessed with it. God alone knows His reasoning and we must trust it.

Having been someone who was disappointed over & over and had to listen to people say insensitive things like "All I had to do was sleep in the same room as my husband!" when we had been trying over a YEAR with no success, I understand the heartache. I try to be so careful what I say to people because I know how it feels. That's why I feel so blessed to be in the "surprise" pregnancy (although the devil tries to make me not feel blessed with his nausea!!!)

That being said, don't beat yourself up. You didn't mean to be insensitive and you'll make up for it now. We all make mistakes.

Jacinda said...

sorry.....that should be "this" nausea, not "his" nausea. I don't think the devil is giving me nausea. I just mean that he creeps into my mind and tries to make me think complaining thoughts. Make sense?!?!