Friday, February 16, 2007

I've spent some time in prayer and listened to some audio at Living Proof ministries-Thursday, Feb 15th's was particularly helpful...I do believe I am seeking peace THROUGH conflict resolution. Sometimes things just need the light of day and some resolution before they can be forgotten. Many times in my life I have forgiven(myself), forgotten, and moved on only to come back and realize the other person was not there yet. I think I am on both sides of that right now. Moved on with my marriage, as in forgiven the wrongs done to me, but I am not so sure my "sins" against him have been dealt with and forgiven. I'm not even sure I am aware of all the sinful ways I have treated him. That is an easier resolution than the church thing, in that there are only two of us and we know both of us have hurt and been hurt.

The church thing is harder because of the sheer numbers of people involved and then the fact that not everyone will speak their grievances-or even acknowledge them. All I know is that I am in a unique situation in my church. We are kind of in the middle of alot of people. (Hence the whole not really fitting in post of yestermonths!) We have very close, tight knit relationships with conservative thinkers in our congregation as well as some of the more modernist thinking people. It is awkward to see and hear about the pain one group inflicted on another. It is even more awkward to know that a situation has never really been addressed. Even though some have made up their minds to move on and get over it, the pain is still evident. Maybe it is sinful on the part of the people still hurting-am I holding a grudge? Or do I just want that pain acknowledged and made right. Is this just me making a mountain out of a molehill? I just know it hurts me to see at least four or five people who are very unhappy with this thing. 4-5 people is really small potatoes in a 200 person church...but are there others like me who just stuffed it and forgot it but still have it rear its head ocassionally? I am going to keep praying that something groundbreaking happens or that time indeed heals all wounds.


holly said...

I feel a little like an intruder posting on such a serious post, but have been reading you regualry for a while. I do enjoy your blog. I have more than once been in the middle of a church with battles between conservative and not so much conservatives. I know it's such a sad place to be. Both sides are often doing so much damage to each other "in the name of God," and I'm sure can be more than you can handle. I seen so few of these fights ever be about salvation issue. Those things that God really cares about. I of course I no idea what is really going on, but I do know that 4 or 5 people no matter how large your church is would never be small potatoes to God. He loves each one of us, we are all important to him and we as christian should feel the same about each other conservative, moderate, progressive, or whatever. I'm sorry that you feel so down, and I hope that things will look up for you soon.

thruchildeyes said...

Oh Janice, I just found the time to catch up on blogs. Yours make me laugh and cry all at the same time. I like what your friend Holly said. *sigh* I'm sorry the forum is not yet the encouraging tool it was visioned to be. Maybe we're still working out the kinks, or maybe it's a lesson on communication among our various opinions. Of all the topics, the practical posts on childrearing have been my favorite so far. Thanks for starting the conversation.