I haven't posted yet about our day at Matha's Vineyard yet. This entry has been festering in my brain for quite sometime and I need to let it go. As I looked over the names we would be delivering to, I saw the last name of the most toxic relationship I was ever involved in. It is a very unusual name and I was sure it would be someone he was kin to. I was dying a little inside that I might run into him and how awkward that would be. It would not be the first time our paths have crossed, but it would be a time when I would be forced to speak. As we knocked on her door I was filled with all sorts of emotions. When she opened the door and I looked into her eyes, I saw him. This was definitely his mother. She then went on to say something about his company and her working for him. I was very polite, I felt I was seeing something I shouldn't. She had "mental" written on her form and I felt sorry for him to be facing these kinds of things with his Mom.

I have been mulling all of this over in my mind and wondering what am I supposed to do with this experience? Is this supposed to give me a glimpse of where his weakness originated? Do I pity him now? Is God preparing me for something? Is this just a fluke thing? Is this the work of Satan...always reminding- trying to sabotage me? As in many other times in my life I am asking God-what do you want from me? I know he is not a Christian, but I sure don't want to be the one to deliver the message to him. I do not ever wish to speak to this person again. My husband certainly does not ever want me to speak to this person again. So what then? I think getting all this out in writing helps...I want to let it go. I hate when my past visits my present, especially when I am supposed to be doing a good thing. I wanted to teach my children a lesson in service. God may forgive us our trespasses, but the consequences of our sin live on forever. The lives we shatter with our sin live on. Just makes my last post all that much more meaningful to me.