Choosing

This is not a recent memory, but for some reason, I feel compelled to share it.

It was enough.  The problems in our relationship had become insurmountable.  I did not feel I could go on.  I called a dear friend because I could not stay home but I could not be just anywhere either.  We went out to dinner.  I shared all my woes with her, the good, the bad and the ugly.  I poured my heart out as to all the reasons I could not stay anymore.  Then I poured out all the reasons I could not go.  Then I cried a river over being in such a miserable unhappy place that I could not stay in, nor could I leave it.  She just listened.  I talked and talked and cried and cried.  When I was all done, she had these words of wisdom:

"You have a choice.  You can do anything.  You have friends that love you and that will help you no matter what you decide.  God loves you and He will be with you no matter what.  You get to choose your future."

I sat there stunned.  It was the scariest thing I had ever heard.  To have a choice.  To think beyond the here and now and imagine the outcomes of either decision.  MY CHOICE.  It was unfathomable.  I had given her both lists: Why I could never leave, Why I could no longer stay.  And her reply: "It is up to you."  MY choice.  My choice.  It sank in deeply.  It washed over me with intensity.  It was a life preserver around my neck while being tossed around in a sea of despair.  My choice. 

When all of my tears were cried and I had soaked in the loving words of encouragement from a dear friend, we parted ways.  I was a changed woman.

I came home to my darling husband and CHOSE him.  AGAIN.  I chose to love him no matter what.  I chose to love him the way he loves me-unconditionally.  I chose to embrace him, faults and all, the same way he embraces me.  I chose to be grateful to love someone more amazing than I gave him credit for being.  I am still choosing him every day and I love it.  AND, I now feel like the luckiest woman in the world.

AND, the only thing that changed that night was my attitude.  Funny how much our attitude affects our outlook.  I am so thankful that attitudes and outlooks can always be changed.