Sunday, December 11, 2011

The Perfect Husband

I spent a few years of my marriage lamenting what a horrible choice I had made in my husband.  I went from thinking he was Mr. Wonderful to wanting out.  OUT!  I was done.  I was pretty vocal about what a terrible person he was.  Then one day, while we counseled with two other couples from church(trying to fix our horrible marriage-AKA, my horrible husband), one of them loved me enough to tell me a cold hard truth.  He said I never said anything nice about my husband.  He went on to say I never let an opportunity pass to speak ill of him and let it be known that I was unhappy to anyone who would listen.

WOW.  How dare he say that.  That wasn't me.  Even Erik tried to soften the blow by telling me it wasn't the truth.  Sadly though, it was the truth. My hobby was b*o*tching and complaining-a hobby I was so good at that I could've turned pro.   Happily though, I was able to know it as the truth...not deny it and keep on with the behavior.  And so, from that day forward, the tide began to turn.  It wasn't quick.  It has taken many, many years.  During those years, I have been shown some amazing qualities that my husband possesses.   I have been oft reminded what a good man he is.  I have been given tangible ways to see his heart and his love for his family.  I have also been able to see some of my flaws, work on them and become much more like the person God wants me to be.

The funniest part of this story is that Erik and I are neither one alot different than we were then.  I wish I could tell you some sort of miracle about how the struggles we had then no longer enslave us...but that would be a lie.  We each have a vice(or two) that keeps us firmly in its grip...but we know the God that holds us tighter than those vices.  The main thing that has changed is our love for one another.  Our perspective...our focus on each other's good qualities.  We have alot and when we look at those, we like each other an awful lot.  It is only when we focus on the faults that we get off track.

I am so thankful for my family...even when I am disappointed by the fact that we are not the perfect family I have in my head.  That perfect family in my head couldn't make it through 1/10th of the crap my actual family has had to endure.  AND the real family just keeps improving with age.  So, I guess that whole perspective lesson keeps on giving.  It IS all about perspective.  There is nothing wrong with a nice pair of rose-colored glasses.  In fact, if used correctly long enough, the world is still rose-colored when you take them off.

If you find yourself complaining alot about all the horrible people in your life, I suggest you buy yourself a pair and enjoy a new perspective.  Rose is a very nice color indeed.


Ami said...

Hm. I'm not a huge Dr Laura fan, but I recently (and we've been married 31 years here...) picked up a copy of her book the proper care and feeding of husbands at the local Goodwill.

And her theory is to treat him like the king you thought he was. And he will become that man.

I am not sure about it, but I know that when I take the time to sincerely compliment him to his face, but more importantly BEHIND HIS BACK... he knows. And is built up because of it.

I married an amazing man. It sounds like you did, too.


Coincidentally, my man's name is Eric.

Hula Girl at Heart said...

I needed this post today. Thank you.