Fever! Guilt!

I have SPRING FEVER in a huge way. I am so ready to be done with this school year. I can feel it in my children as well. We are all eager to get into the great outdoors...or just have lazy days. May 13 is our target date for being finished with school. May the 18th is our back-up plan just in case we have not quite finished. I don't know if I can stand it if we are not done on the 13th though. We have worked through many holidays and breaks. We have made up work on days when we missed school due to 'take grandparents to the doctor' days (among other things). SOON, SOON, SOON!

Today at church, we had lessons about money, stuff and giving. If I am not careful, I will compare myself to others and feel defeated. I try to have mentors in this area without having the guilt that sometimes goes with that. I have failed in that regard today and felt guilty and ashamed most of the day. I don't think that is what God's plan is. I think it is His desire for giving to be something that blesses us in a big way-something we plan and look forward to.

No one has tried to make me feel guilty today, I just tend toward that emotion. It draws me like moths to a light. So, at some point today, I just shut it down. I compared the way I am with my STUFF now versus the way I used to be. I hold on looser. I give more often and am happy to do so. I don't strive so much to sell our things to make money...I used to be quite the consignment queen. I don't think consigning is bad, but it was a bit of an obsession with me. I was so concerned with resale value, the kids often didn't even wear things more than once or twice. Now we just make a point to have fewer clothes and pass things on to others when we outgrow them. We are consuming less and also wearing things more. We seldom buy things new. I have found a happy medium with clothing.

Curriculum was my other big vice. I have leveled off a bunch in that area too! I no longer buy things we MIGHT use. In fact, I have made a conscious decision to use what we already have and occasionally pass on to someone else what we have and don't use. I do sell some curriculum as well. That is because it is so stinking expensive that we couldn't homeschool if we did not recoup some costs here and there. I have no guilt about that.

So, I have wasted most of the day today feeling crappy about some of the ways we waste money. Wasting a day is just as bad, yes? I finally allowed myself some grace and will allow the conviction I feel to certainly change the way I think. Just like with my weight, I want my changes to be slow and steady. Slow and steady changes that change the person I am seem to stick. Changes to appease my guilt seldom do. I will forgive myself for being merely a work in progress instead of the picture of perfection. ( ;

Have you had your daily dose of guilt?