Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Oh My Goodness!!!

Yesterday we started the day off with a movie, had lunch with friends, then a trip to a local free "waterpark". It was a very fun day. I got home in time to put a meal of spaghetti on the table and then off to a party, one of THOSE parties. The one for ladies only-called slumber parties even though it isn't really. It was so funny and fun. And Erik was very pleased with my purchase(SO AM I!) was definitely a good one. And you don't get to know!! (and maybe next time Hula won't be at aerobics and she can go with me!!)(Teen angel sounds just like you!)

Today, after two days of running, is catch up day. I am washing all our sheets and then doing the other laundry. I have managed to stay on top of our laundry lately. Since the new washer, we haven't had any Mount Washmores. This is probably because I sorted through the girls clothes and made them pare back half of their clothing. I also cut us back to one hamper. Very effective!! It makes a huge difference in the laundry load!! (Mia told me this a hundred years ago.) (Mia is my hero-if they don't use it, it gets tossed or given away.) (Mia is my "stuff" mentor.)

Today is also the day I go to my mom's house. Things are really tense between she and I right now. It makes me so angry that she is not even trying to take care of herself. She is not checking her sugar and managing her diabetes. Also, she has congestive heart failure which means she is really prone to retaining fluid around her heart (a very bad and serious thing). To remedy this retention, she is to restrict sodium. She refuses to do this and is staying puffed up like a balloon. Today, she asked me to bring her a big can of stew vegetables (loaded with salt). I said, why don't you let me get the real veggies and make the stew and then it won't have any salt. She went off on a tirade. (I'm still probably bringing her frozen ones-bring on the tirade baby!). Also, she is mis-stating things. Like telling one daughter no one has been to see her all weekend when everyone has been for a visit. Playing the guilt card. One of my sisters says it could be a touch of dementia creeping in-but my mom has been doing this our whole life so I can't be so quick to defend it. I am choosing to let it go and just not believe most of what Mom says anymore. I accept that I cannot change her behavior-but I won't let it control me either. It is a constant source of drama-I love her but she is so very unpleasant to be around these days(and also before). I'm trying to shower her with unconditional love and service in her presence and save the rants for on here and to my sisters. So far that is working out. It makes my stress level very high on visit days, but other than that it works. It makes me really look forward to church tonight!

Have a wonderful Wednesday!


Jason said...

Hmmmm. This sounds kinda familiar.

hulagirlatheart said...

Learning to accept another's behavior without it controlling you....tough. Hang in there! And I'm sorry I couldn't go to the party. I could have used the laughs.

Jen, Fred, Jennifer said...

Janice.......I'm not sure how old your mom is, BUT we are facing similar issues with my grandpa. He's got congestive heart failure, supposed to eat low sodium, on oxygen pretty much full time now from various lung issues and all that, just found out about the diabetes and so now we have to cut his sugary stuff.

I'm not there 24/7 like my mom and aunt who are the primary caregivers....but my thoughts are that he is 85 years old. He has lived a good long full life. If he wants to eat chips with his sandwich or go get a burger from Culvers, then who are we to get mad at him for that.

He has said more than once that he is ready to go "meet his maker".....if he is at ease with it, we should not be selfish, we should enjoy what time we do have left with him (and Grandma for that matter, she's getting worse and worse) and stop fighting about his food choices. He's an adult, he knows the consequences.

If I remember correctly I think one of your biggest concerns is your mom's lack of faith in God. I could be completely wrong, so if I am just ignore me.....but as someone standing on the outside looking in I would say stop fighting with her and being mad at her for her choices. They are her choices. Why make whatever time you have left with her filled with strife over food?

Enjoy her, pray for her, maybe gently ask her if she wouldn't love some of your home cooked veggies instead, that you really do enjoy being able to nourish her, that it is a blessing to YOU to be able to help her in that way, but if she still refuses, then go with it. A

nd just enjoy the time you have. Don't fill it with anguish about trivial things.

Hugs dear. I had this talk with my mom and aunt, and it seemed to help them deal with it better. They still get a little frustrated when grandpa asks for Culvers and then dips his burger into more ketchup filled with sodium and eats the fries with even more salt, but they are better able to enjoy it with him now.

Please email me if you need to