Tuesday, August 28, 2007

My Angst

I have a wonderful husband. He does not understand me but he is soooo patient and he tries. He does the things I ask him to do and he is a wonderful father to my children. He cannot understand why I stay so frustrated. I can't explain it. It is very frustrating to do and do and do, yet make no progress. To work my rear off one day, only to have it all undone by noon the next day. My brain fully understands that we are a busy homeschooling family of five that is always living in our home. My spirit and pride however, continue to be disappointed in my lack of progress/neatness. I can tell a huge difference in most of my rooms. Decluttering has made large strides to my ideal. It just seems to be endless. Now I am sorting through clothes without end, Amen.

So my bright idea is this: get a very part-time job. I would love to work somewhere again. To go in and do a job well, be appreciated and come home with my ego inflated. I have given up my Pampered Chef career because I could no longer maintain it. Running my own business is just more than I can handle. Plus, I kept earning more and more free stuff I did not need or want. It is a wonderful job that requires a consistent amount of work everyday. I was inconsistent and unprofessional. Time to walk away. A job where I just show up and work and then leave at the end of my shift appeals to me. I am seriously debating, but the family is not in favor. I don't have to go to work, I just need to accomplish something. Making some extra money for Christmas would be nice too.

What do you think, internet friends?


Deborah and Sally said...

I think that's an awesome idea Janice !
Sorry to hear you're no longer doing Pampered Chef, I can totally understand why though, running a home based business is A LOT of work.
I totally can relate and have felt the same way before.
I think as women, especially when we homeschool, take care of the house, ext. ext. sometimes it's really easy to lose our identity.
There are LOTS of ways to accomplish things without having to get a job though.
Maybe doing something that you've put on the "back burner" for yrs. or just doing something you enjoy by yourself.

P.S. I've never heard of anybody getting TO MUCH free stuff, LOL :)

jettybetty said...

Since you asked for my opinion--
I would say no--kids just grow up too fast.

Of course, I didn't homeschool--and that could make a difference--I have not experience there.
And, I don't get my ego very inflated at my job. I get exhausted and suggest fast food more often.
That's just me--you might be different.

hulagirlatheart said...

I have suffered the wrath of several women by saying this before, but I am going to say what I feel. Many women lose their identity when their entire day is focused on their children and spouse. They often feel lost and unsettled. I've seen it happen many times, and women are afraid to say anything because it makes them sound like a bad mom when they tell folks it's not enough. Being a spouse and mother are the two most important jobs you will ever have, and no one can say that you don't devote an extraordinary amount of time to them. So, it is okay to devote a little time to something that makes you feel accomplished be it a part time job, service at a non profit, a night class etc. Your children grow up fast, but an enrichment experience of some sort may make you feel better about yourself and in turn, be a better mom, spouse and teacher. Turn loose of the guilt!

Julie Anne said...

I couldn't agree more with hulagirl...she saved me some time by typing exactly what I was thinking!

Now that I'm taking some night classes, my days with my kids are more intentional, I'm actually more organized, and I've gotten a real pick-me-up from doing something I've missed so much. Dollar signs at the end of the tunnel don't hurt either ;)
I didn't realize how much I needed do get out of the house 'til I bit the bullet and did it.

proverbs31 said...

Okay, you want my opinion? I'll jump in. Several points.

#1 - there is nothing wrong with working. The Proverbs 31 woman was not only taking care of the home, but helping to provide for it.

-on the other hand-

I do think it is vitally important that you and your husband be in agreement as to if you need to contribute financially and how. I'm sure that I don't have to say that and that you'd already agree. :)

#2 - There is nothing wrong with needing something to accomplish. I feel priorities should flow as follows: God, Hubby, Kids, Home, etc. Your kids should a part of the home and not running it, and if there is something that God is putting on your heart you should definitely follow it.

-on the other hand-

Does accomplishment have to be in the form of employment? Ask yourself - is there someting tingling in the back of your brain that you might like to do? Writing, art, sewing? Take an art class, paint a beautiful picture, hang it on your wall, and say: I did that. You get the idea. :)

#3 Your house/housework does not have to / should not control you anymore than your kids should! :) I know that is easier said than done, believe me I know!! Two years ago I hit rock-bottom and felt emotionally enslaved by my housework. The frustration of having it all undone before it's even done, the frustration of having more to do in one day than could be done, it was overwhelming. Whether you get a job, or take up a hobby, or not, don't dwell on the details of the dishes and the laundry, dwell on why you are doing them. For the glory of God, for the care and education of your children, for the raising up of future husbands and wives, out of love.

I read your blog frequently and I often relate to your stories. I'm giving you an award on my blog in a few minutes. :) God bless!

Jen, Fred, Jennifer or Mom said...

This is something I've struggled with off and on for years!

I am currently in the position do something I have always wanted, but timing isn't quite right. Do I do it, or pass it up?

Sean and I defined our roles in this family when son #2 came along. We made a lot of sacrifices so that I could stay home and take care of all that goes with it, while he worked a bazillion hours a week.

Now, we have 4 boys, and although Sean doesn't work quite as many hours, he still works a lot and the responsibilty of all things related to kids and household generally still fall on my shoulders. Most of it is not feasible for him to take over. I think I am answering my own question here.

Anyway, just know that you are so not alone in this struggle. I have finally come to a point in my life that I am content with where I am. I know that someday MY time will come and I will be able to do what "I" want, but for now, I am content to let my life be dictated by the needs of my family.

I do take time for myself, girls lunch/nites out, pedicures occasionally, and this blogging thing. I have made a point to do something for ME, to maintain my sanity, but otherwise I do for others.

It's not for everyone. You may need something else, but no one can tell you what you need. You will have to search your heart for the right answer. Sort of like homeschooling.....everyone's life holds a different need, or answer.

hugs, and good luck on your decision.