If only...

Today is Good Friday. The day my saviour paid it all for my sins. This is a somber day for thinking Christians. Today is the day all the punishment of the world-past, present and future-was heaped upon Christ, the only innocent man ever to exist.

As a remembrance of today, I am making a cross on which I will nail all the if only's in my life. There are many. I am going to share a few.

I would be a better Christian if only:

My friends were better at holding me accountable.

We had tight-knit friendships with strong Christian couples.

My husband was more of a spiritual leader.

My church embraced my talents and gifts more.

My children told me "thank you" more often.

My sisters would quit treating me less like "the baby" and more like the incredibly enlightened "solver of the world's problems".

My household did not contain a TV.

My body were slimmer and I was prettier.

My life was lived a little more "my way".

My husband was in a Christian band instead of a blues band.

I am so ashamed that as I sat down to watch Beth Moore's "Breaking Free" all set to tackle the issues of my weight and really "break free" from some of the haunts in my past, God revealed the biggest hurdle in my christian walk. My big long list of "if onlies".

Some of you have heard glimmers of them and might not have realized how extensive the list is. The Devil has kept me beat down and chained with each and every one of these plus about 4 more DAILY.

Praise you Father, for revealing them to me. Praise you Father for promising a Comforter and Helper to guide us through life. Praise you Father for the tears streaming down my face right now. Praise you Father for loving me enough to allow your son to take the punishments I deserve. Praise you Father for giving me new mercies every morning and that you don't stop even when I get "too big for my britches" and think I don't really need them anymore. Praise you Father for a super-size helping of the humble pie I needed at a time when my heart was open to it.