Thursday, January 11, 2007

The line to resign?

Today is one of those days when I would go and resign if there were such a place. Erik and I are not much in the way of a team. Ordinarily, it sort of works for us. When he has a day off though, unless we depart from the norm and go have a fun family day, I feel like a complete failure in all areas. Things that don't bother him when he comes home from work really DO bother him when he is home all day. This usually leads to some lovely utterance about the house or my house-cleaning abilities which don't even come close to his Mom's. He doesn't say this, he just sort of gives everything a disapproving look. Then I am angry because of all the ways I am involved in the girls lives, homeschooling, scouts, church, social events-through homeschool group and other places. I am involved and some times in charge of a great many things all in addition to the house stuff. I don't "farm" anything out-it is all me. So I tend to be very hurt that this is not acknowledged, the smiles and acknowledgement come only from a clean house day. REALLY STINKS when the clean house days are so few and far between.

I am trying to do better, but if the house is to always be clean, school and housework are all we can do. This would not suit our little social offspring-or me. We sort of need people and going places-ALOT. We all get a little crazy with too many stay at home days in a row. So today, with all things considered, I really just wanted to walk out and never come back. I took a nap instead and I feel much better. Tomorrow is a new day.


Heather said...

Oh my goodness, I couldn't have said it better myself.
We hate "stay at home, days off" with each other...unless it's do something FUN day.
I hope we do something FUN on Monday....
I always feel like a complete failure when he is home, analyzing everything he is normally completely thankful for and happy with!!!
What happens to our guys when they get a moment off??
I mean, take a day or three off!!!! I would love a day off! I wouldn't go looking around to see what I could argue about! Hello!!I would be laughing to myself, while driving to Target far, far away!

I guess they have in mind what we should be doing, not what we HAVE been doing....Satan loves to play games on days off.... With home-school, outside activities, church, chores,little things like buying groceries, paying bills, feeding children who eat like lions, 3 times a day, and more, going from phonics workbooks, to Chemistry work, in one 20 min. time period.....while balancing a 22month old on your knee...AND Mt. Washmore....pounding away, not hurting any of our sweet little precious children, who are always soooo eager to learn, up bright and early, smiling, happy faced children???!?!?!!
I feel your pain x4
call me, we can have chocolate and Mountain Dew.

heather said...

That last post sounded soooo angry!! Ha!
I love my home school and my wonderful family.
I was just picking fun...we are blessed with great men, who work hard for us to be at home!
I love my boys and girl!! It's just that most of the days off, are tough.
Satan doesn't want us to have a loving family, period.

Sorry Jan!! I can't late nite post, anymore.

Anonymous said...

My husband works third shift and is home during the day. He gets up at around noon and then is up until 5pm when he lays back down until work (9pm.)
I think being he is home and sees and is part of everything going on, he knows how hard I "work." He has said many times that I have the harder "job."
He is such a laid back guy (as I am, most of the time )that he could care less about how clean/dirty the house is. As long as he has clean clothes and towels when he needs them he's happy.
He could even care less if I don't cook. He went to culinary school and is an great cook !! He cooks for me many days off. I've told him there is nothing that turns me on more than a man (him of course)in the kitchen cooking.
I think it's really hard when you're both not a team ! For the first 4 yrs. of our marriage it was that way. I harbored a lot of resentment twords him during that time.
After I told him how I was feeling and really expressed my feelings of how much of a failure I felt like and how I didn't feel like I had his support, that's when he started understanding me better and we became a team.
I really believe communication is essential in a marriage, but I know both parties have to be willing to listen to the other. I don't know if your husband would be "receptive" to you talking about your feelings, but it may be a start.
My husband was totally surprised when I told him how I was feeling !
Don't feel like a failure though !!! If he's not happy with something, then I would just leave it as it's his problem and move on. Otherwise you'll drive yourself crazy thinking you're just not good enough and can't get it all together !
We're not super Mom's/Wife/housekeeper/, even though it seems that we're supposed to carry that load most of the time !
I hope you have a better day today :)
One more thing - I think it's important to have time for ourselves also, I would try (when possible) to get a little alone time for yourself. This has also made a huge difference for me. Sometimes we just need a breather and a little time away to get refreshed !

Anonymous said...

I feel the same way... Only, we are home most of the time. The kids are young enough that all we do is ballet/tap and church. I feel like if the house were to be clean all the time, even school would have to go out the window because with them home all day, it isn't going to stay clean. It just isn't. In the past I have tried for days at a time to stay on top of the housework and I end up just doing housework basically all through the day. School suffers, everything else suffers. I've decided I need the kids to help more, but being 6, 3, and 1, well,..there's a limit to the amount of help I'm going to get. So then I've decided that since hubby doesn't want to help (not a bit) then hubby should really try to be a little more understanding. Don't you think?
Just know that you are not alone, and that our happiness (our good days) should not be dependent on our spouses attitudes alone, because they are human. Rather our happiness should spring from the joy of knowing God, because He will never fail us, He is our portion.

Love your blog by the way!