Sunday, November 12, 2006

A checkered past...

I ran into my past again early this morning. I used to be a rebel against God and everything I knew I should be doing with my life. I got into every form of trouble that I was able to get into. I was "awakened" at an early age to alot of "stuff" I had no business being involved with. This compounded with a rebellious spirit and a flirty, aggressive personality kept me involved with constant sin. So early this morning when I came face to face with my past in the form of an ex-boyriend, I had those same feelings of unworthiness and guilt over my lack of faithfulness to my awesome savior. Ordinarily, I hang my head in shame and spend many days in the trenches where I fight the devil to prove I am different now. He argues that I am not fit and I question my life and all the decisions I've made.

This morning, I had three darling reminders that my life is different. I was able to speak and be polite and not feel like I was betraying my husband or family. I was empowered to know I am different now. My regret as I look back on my 2 minute conversation is that I did not witness. I wish I could have not only held my head high with pride, but shared with him that I am different and he could be too. This is probably not my place to witness to a former boyfriend, but if it is, I will. I AM different, I may be tempted sometimes, but I am equipped. I have believed the lies of the devil before and it is emblazoned on my soul forever what an empty life it was. I am blessed beyond words with a husband and three darlings that love me-flaws and all.

My checkered past is covered with the blood and remains forever forgiven. Praise YOU Father for mercy and forgiveness. AND a clean sparkling white slate to begin again forever replacing the checkered one!


Anonymous said...

Good for you !:) We all go through our struggles and temptations from Satan. What gives me comfort in those times is we're all born into a world of sin, so we're all sinners, and to the Lord all sin is the same.

jettybetty said...

I am praising God with you for that mercy and forgiveness--I have a checkered past, too!

Susie said...

:::not believing JB's past could be so checkered:::
; )
I have a checkered past as well. Aren't you glad the blood of Jesus covers us???