Tuesday, October 17, 2006

The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies
running around with tattoos?

Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a
Porsche than in a mini-van.

Got those in my email box and thought they were funny!! I like to laugh, often. I prefer it over anything else in fact. I am glad God made our senses of humor and glad he "laughs" with us.

I believe laughing at ourselves is best for not taking yourself too seriously. So, I am posting my most embarrassing moment.

It all began with a wreck. I was stopped completely at the road I needed to turn into. I was decked out in my Pampered Chef attire on my way to a kitchen show. Suddenly I was rear-ended. He never even slowed down. He had not seen me at all. That all worked out, the car was totaled-my friend picked me up and I still did the show (can anyone say work ethic?). She had an accident the year before and gave me these words of caution: You will be sore for a day or so and then you will feel fine. This is a lie, you are not fine. Get thyself to a chiropractor!! He can fix you now easily or you can live everyday on a heat pad like me.

I made the chiropractor appointments the next day. My oldest two children were still in school (ahh, the good old days-just kidding but it was a free-er time for me). Lilly was 2-3 years old and VERY scared of the wonderful Kelly Estes (look him up if you are local-he does great work!)along with everything in the clinic. One day when we arrived, she had finally gotten her nerve up to visit the toys. Yes, shocking as it may be, once upon a time Lilly was very shy, quiet and easily frightened by strangers. She found many that she liked and was playing contentedly.

I knew I had to use the bathroom and there would not be much of a wait so I had to hurry.(I never waited more than about ten minutes-usually I was straight back) I was wearing my most favorite khaki pants in the world. They looked nice and fit me perfect in every way-not too tight, not too loose-just right. They were sooo soft! These were once in a lifetime pants. Never before or since have I had pants fit so well or be so comfortable. In fact, I had bought them new about 6-7 years earlier. Those of you who know me are shocked because you know how rare that happens. NEW clothes for ME?! I even paid full price (scandelous!)

I walk on over to where Lilly is and kneel down beside her (it did not even hurt to kneel down just 2-3 short years ago). I started helping her pick up the toys and made a fatal flaw. I reached to far in pants that had been washed and dried too many times in 7 years!! I felt the cold draft about the same time I heard the sound... Now folks, it is very important to point out two things here.

1. These pants were old. AND. MUCH. LOVED. All of the fibers were challenged, not just the seams.
2. I had not SEEN Dr. Estes yet. Going to the chiropractor involves lying on a table dressed.

This, my friends was not an ordinary rip. This was a start right at the inseam, travel down the thigh halfway and then make a sharp right turn. I now have a flap on my right leg showing all the world what color panties I have on. (White grannies of course which is even more dignity-stealing than the rip). So there I am, helping my toddler put away the toys with my whole right "cheek" on display. I ponder my options. I look all around and decide no one has noticed yet. The waiting paients are reading mags. The office staff is doing all the normal office staff stuff. NO ONE KNOWS WHAT HAPPENED!! Is there any way to sneak out? No. I know as soon as I stand up, it will be obvious to all the world that I've come undone. AND. I still have to pee. So, I swallow my pride and appeal to the mercy of the office staff.

"Do you have a gown I could borrow?" They look at me as though I have two heads. Surely this is common, for waiting patients to want to borrow a flappy gown while they are waiting to see the doc.

"I ripped my pants just now when I kneeled down to help Lilly pick up toys." Now, they all understand.

"Well, maybe it isn't noticeable." One girl hopefully says.

"Oh no, it is VERY noticeable." One side of my pants is ripped down and over. I turn around and I hear the sound of sucked in air and they all cover their mouths. No one laughed. Another reason I love them. They probably laughed later(I know I did), but on the scene-they were just thoughtful. (I think they even let me borrow the gown.) Immediately, a gown was handed to me to tie around my waist. I then scooped Lilly up and went to the bathroom to pee and survey the damage. There was no shot at dignity today. I made sure to swallow down all pride and self respect. I emerged to be called back immediately to see the doctor. They had not shared the story with him so I had to when he looked curiously at me with a gown tied around my waist.

He was completely nice about it and I somehow made it through the adjustment.

I am very cautious now with dearly loved and worn clothing. There is no kneeling allowed. EVER. I hope this serves as a warning to others who may love and wear their clothing even though it has become soft and perfect in every way.

I really miss those pants.


Jacinda said...

funny, funny!

Anonymous said...

oh, i love this story and your sweet transparency and openness. i miss your transparency and love for life.
love ya,

Heather said...

Imagine all those cutsie Tats over the-ahem- small of the back-- where ARE those babies gonna go??

BohemianMama said...

it is 3 am and I cannot sleep, and now I'm sitting here cracking UP!! Thanks for the laugh, you nutty person!

LOL, Heather... now I'm cracking up all over again because I just read your comment. TOOOOO funny...
(I need to go to bed. If this keeps happening I could be up all night.)

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the encouragement!! I will keep all of that in mind!!! :-)