I have been wracking my brain trying to come up with something I have truly sacrificed for God. I can't come up with anything. I walked away from a sinful life because it was empty and a lie. I turned to God for peace and a new beginning. He has given me both. What have I given him? I do serve often, but usually with the wrong spirit. I can't think of any of my convictions that I have down. I still get angry and rant at times, I still overeat, I don't have quiet time with God in the word. I was thinking about the story of the good samaritan, specifically the veggie tales version...the song they say as they pass the victim is "I'm busy, busy, shockingly busy. You've no idea what I have to do...I'm busy, busy, dreadfully busy. Much, much to busy for you!" That is me. I am flying everywhere, usually 5 minutes later than I intended. I could pass wounded people in a ditch a hundred times a day and never even see them. That is a truly relevant parable to us in today's world.(I guess they all are!LOL)

I am praying this week that I will make more time for God and people. I don't want to be so caught up in the busyness of life that I miss the people I am supposed to be Christ to. I want to sacrifice myself for Christ. True confession-I really don't want to at all...but I am praying that I will want to!! Have a great weekend!

Today was Bible Study day, always uplifting!! We have completed our study ) : I am sad to see it go because I did not get into it like I wanted to, the bookwork anyway, I always discuss. I am always starved for conversation since my husband is soooo chatty. It is OK though, he has other redeeming qualities (good father, good husband, good work ethic, enjoys family type things, slow to anger, dimples, handsome) These are just in case he were to read this-I don't think he would though. Men of few words don't really like to read things-too many words. Funny but true story. I should start by saying that his mail route is all businesses, so he makes small talk all day long. He is completely out of words when he gets home, so we don't expect alot of conversation from him. I think that is why God gave Erik 3 girls-so he would not have to talk!! The other day he worked hisday off on someone else's route. He came home and talked almost nonstop all the way through supper. After supper, one of the girls commented that Dad sure was talking alot. I laughed because I had noticed it too and I told her that normally Dad used all his words up at work and did not have any left over when he got home. I further added that on this day he only saw 2 people on his route, so he had lots of words to use up before bedtime. He really laughed then, I think because there was so much truth to it and he knew it!! It is ok though, he used to be very shy before he delivered mail. He has alot more self confidence than he used to. Now he doesn't talk because he prefers not to, not because his self-esteem won't allow it. It is a good change.

The girls and I went to Burger King today after dropping off some things at the consignment sale. An interesting thing happened there. God taught me a lesson in impressions, specifically wrong ones. I actually saw my family through someone else's eyes and it occurred to me how I would have judged us...lost and wordly. There was only one other child there besides us and he was with his grandmother. We made the usual chit chat about how kids love to scream, be loud, and play really rough sometimes. Then Lilly starts banging on the big plexiglass tunnel window, but with a distinct beat. I said, "You can tell her daddy is a drummer!!" She said, "Oh, so he practices at home alot, that must be interesting." I said, "Oh no, he is in a band and they play out alot so he doesn't have to practice." The next thing I know my girls are having a "dance party" on the top step platform of the play area and doing every dance move they know and singing "do-it, do-it, whoo whoo do-it do-it whoo whoo" loudly. They were doing the swim and the twist and every other move they could think of. She spoke to me no more. She did not even look my way again, but busied herself in a some papers she had brought. I wanted to say, hey, wait a minute-my kids are referring to the dances they are doing...they don't know what "do it" means and my husband is in a band with Lew Jetton and they are all family guys with other jobs not party-all-nighters. I wanted to say, "We are Christians and I just came from Bible Study!!" I said nothing though. I sat there, wrongly judged and felt bad for all the times I had jumped to conclusions in judging other people. God quietly worked on my heart while someone else proclaimed me not worthy of conversation. I have not had that happen to me in a long time. I think I had forgotten how bad it feels, even if it is a stranger you will never see again. I walked out of there a different person. God help me to show your glory and your UNENDING mercy in everything I do. I want to always have WWJD branded in my heart. He would never make someone feel less than. He died for all of us. We should stop to remember that more often. I know I will. Even the people who smell bad, have gross dirty hair, have "F*** YOU on their shirt. If Christians who are called to love don't love them anyway, who will?

Day after Halloween...candy hangover. Erika was a 50's girl, Kayla was a spa princess, and Lilly was a flapper. They were all cute and everyone chose/designed their own costume. They did well. I encourage them to try to be something creative. We walked through Halloween Express and I am almost on board with not celebrating Halloween because of all the CRAP out there. It is really fun to dress up...I don't know why it has to be so gross/sexy/satanic!

Lilly keeps varying between "Is Hallowen over? and "Why do they still have their decorations up, Halloween is over!" She and I spent most of the day together without any other family members. Erik had the big girls with him all day-bonding. Lilly and I have not hung out alone in quite some time and she was quite fun and well-behaved. (Lightbulb-maybe our kids need more one-on-one with us) I got to get my blood sugar checked this morning and also my thyroid. Lilly loves to watch me get bloodwork done. Once they said to her "Do you want to draw Mommy's blood?" and I swear her whole face lit up. She really wanted to. This is the same child that is petrified of the dentist...and shots...and getting HER blood drawn. Doctor Lilly. Blood sugar was great-92-and considering how much candy I have had the last 3 days, that is remarkable. I am a timebomb. My mom developed borderline diabetes at 35. Her mom died of diabetes about age 38(Times were different then though). I have every intention of losing weight, getting more organized and becoming a better housekeeper. I am trying to do it real slow though, otherwise I might come across too haughty. Hopefully no one even notices my great efforts, it keeps me humble.

Working on our Social Studies fair project. We have decided projects and now just must do them in the next week. The report parts are fairly easy. The projects gray your hair up. Tomorrow is a new day and I am glad. Thank you God for giving me new mercies every morning. I'm already negative by about noon(as in outta mercies, but otherwise too sometimes!) Had a wonderful friend pray with me via phone today about the chaos within me lately. I have felt better ever since. I am so glad God answers prayers. It is wonderful to be prayed over. Please pray over me this week. I try to take one day at a time, but lately several days have attacked me at once...LOL...but seriously, I know what that means. I have permission to call her again tomorrow if I need to. Not sure what is wrong with me, it is not timed right for PMS and it is not a MAGNESIUM deficiency!!! (That stuff will give you bad diarrhea if you already have plenty in your system, really, trust me. I read a recipe for tincture...it has herbs and alot of vodka. But you only take a few drops, maybe that is what my deficiency is Vodka-I mean tincture. Don't worry, I have too many vices already to add another. Have a blessed rest of the week.

My husband is watching his first ever NFL game. The Titans at Nashville. He wanted me to accompany him, but instead is with a friend from work. I felt no guilt about it at all until Terrell preached today about how men want their wives to share hobbies with them.

Sports really are just games!! They don't really provide anything except a way to spend alot of time and money at the same place. I like sports for kids, it teaches them exercise can be fun and how to be a team player. It has also ruined many lives when Mr. Baseball wasn't "good enough" to make it. Many men have carried that not "good enough" label with them ever since. Maybe I just don't like the fans, they cuss at the ref and complain about how the coach does, so and so did not do their best and all from the comfort of a bench. Having played basketball, I know you can practice your butt off and still miss an easy shot. I am loosely comparing my MSchool basketball career with the college and pro level, but they are just people too. We have some really high expectations of our sports heroes. I really respect the kind of fan my husband is (at least when I am with him!). He just appreciates the game. He may be disappointed with a loss, but he doesn't rant and rave and carry on.(maybe a little) All that really does is just alienate everyone sitting around you. What you hear at high school games is just brutal though because those boys have egos and self-esteem all wrapped up in the game and so do Mom and Dad! Bottom line though, alot of money and time spent on something so futile, I just don't get it. I suppose I never will. I like to watch the cardinals play baseball (live only!!) because it usually means we are in St. Louis which is one of my favorite cities. The baseball isn't the end all for me though...it is more like eating your brussel sprouts so you can have dessert.

Trunk or treat tonite at church. I am very excited! We will have a big fire...I love when our church has a fire and everyone sings around the fire. I think beside the God-sized hole in me is a firesized hole!! I just feel safe and secure, and happy around a fire! It is way cool. I love seeing all the kiddos run around in their costumes too. My kids have been excited about it all week. They can barely wait. Lilly willingly took a nap so it would be time to go when she woke up, I think! I need to get off of here!! There is work to be accomplished.

Today has so far been a very leisurely day. Not because we don't have tons to do, but I can't seem to get my lazy butt in gear!! Our first obligation today is not until 6PM when we are off to a bithday party. We need to finish up our Social Studies project which goes into the fair on Tuesday. The school room is in shambles again and must be dealt with!! Not to mention most of the housework has been let go. I had a cleaning frenzy on Tuesday/Wednesday and then nothing. Feast or famine, that is my way! IF I could do a little everyday it would accomplish so much more than working like a dog for a couple of days and then ...nothing. There is just so much day to day, cooking and cleaning up after meals 3 times a day (or more) and chipping away at mount rushmore. Monitoring bathing, teeth brushing, clothing tossing, school working. NOW I AM CRAWLING BACK IN BED FOR A NAP....If you have a plan than works, email it and I will study it intensely and do none of it. LOL

I am off to the shower to wash away this mood and emerge smelling like safeguard and having a new attitude. (Instead of bad breath, yucky hair and the lazy's) Pray for my children today, that their mom emerges with a shred of energy! Thanks for letting me rant a little. I promise I'll be more interesting.....LATER.

Life with a four-year-old is like a box of chocolates...you never know what you are going to get. One day Lilly polishes her halo, being on her best behavior. She is helpful whenever she can be. Other days, she is the exact opposite-polishing her horns and making messes everywhere she wanders. The whole thing is making me a little crazy!! At first my automatic reaction to her misbehavior was that she needed more attention. This does not appear to be the culprit. The behavior is almost completely random. I believe I have to chalk it up to moon cycles or growing pains. When shutting the closet door tonight, I looked at her little white cowboy boots that she loves so much and my heart ached. They are so little! I had to hug her extra tight while tucking her into bed. I know I am going to blink my eyes and they will be big stinky tennis shoes or white prom pumps and I know this(age 4) too shall pass.

Wow, what a week-end!! Bible study Thurs morning was awesome. I can't believe how relevant the Old Testament is!! What a history we have of God's faithfulness. What makes it so wonderful is the way they all really messed up, made a lot of really bad choices, but God still gives them grace. It is comforting because I know how much I have messed up in my life. Still am making a few messes here and there, but I have learned a lot in the last 10-12 years about what God wants from me. When I compare myself to other Christians, I am a miserable failure. However, when I compare myself to my former self, I am definitely wearing the blood of the lamb. I am not where God wants me to be yet, but I am very much improved. Really that is all we can hope for, to keep improving with age and wisdom.

Thursday night I had a show and my sister was at it. It was good to see her, our paths don't cross as much as I would like. She did heckle me all night though, I am doomed to be the little sister of three my whole life!! It will be a lot more fun when I am 65 and they are all really old!!

Friday we were able to get finished with school and go to Paducah Athletic Club for our PE. It was wonderful since we had not been in about 3 weeks because the girls kept fighting and losing the privilege of going. I get to sit in the hot tub and relax for a little while while they play in the pool. Win-win! Kayla's friend Meghan spent the night with us after PAC and she was so much fun. We all enjoyed having her. She, like Kayla, is very intelligent and imaginative. They were able to play all sorts of fun pretend games. They had a harder time focusing on Monopoly Jr though...When you can travel the world and be anything you want, it is hard to be a car traveling around a board!! I continue to be amazed at just how different my children are. I really do enjoy each little personality and I need to do better making sure they know that.

Saturday we went to Mathis Orchard in Mayfield and that was great fun. They have the best apples!! They were out of my favorites, Jonathan, so I had to settle for Romes! Then we hit a great yard sale on the way home and then it was off to Memaw and Pepaws because I had Girl Scout training. I swear it was the prettiest day in the whole world and I had to sit in a meeting!! I hate that side of Girl Scouts. As my co-leader said, it isn't as though they have so many volunteers that they have to weed them out somehow!! We don't leave any smarter either. Usually we just all discuss the girls and our meetings. They tell you a lot of stuff you figured out the first couple of meetings about chatty, giggly girls and how to maintain order while letting them learn how to conduct a meeting.

Saturday night was the barn party!! Audie had a great night planned for our homeschool group. It was awesome. Our family had such fun night!! She has lots of space and animals, which is what we love most so it was great. I have learned that homeschoolers are not very god chili makers!! I tried twice and had really bad chili both times. I ate a lg cup of potato salad and a hot dog instead. Erik ate all my leftovers. One of the things I love about him!! He will always eat the food I don't want. I was brought up to be a plate cleaner and it is really hard for me to waste food. It is ok though if he cleans the plate!! I do not, however require my children to be plate cleaners!! We do talk about small portions and not wasting food though.

Finally, Sunday was a great church service!! It was a very good sermon on being Godly parents. I love it when Terrell really preaches!! Sometimes he just discusses and I have discovered I do much better to be preached at!! After church, we came home for lunch and then headed to Southern Illinois to Bandy's pumpkin patch. It was so worth the drive!! We got to go in the Little Egypt maze, eat pumpkin fudge and go on a hayride. We also let Lilly go through the play barn which was a couple of smaller kid size mazes and a corn bath. That is a great big trouph(sp?) of loose corn. As we were burying her in it, we found a beautiful diamond wedding ring. It looked very expensive!! We took it to the office and turned it in. I am just worried that whoever lost it won't know where they lost it!! The moral to the story, don't play in the corn bath when your rings are loose!!! OR, gain a little weight so all your rings are snug and you don't lose them!!!!

School is going so much better. We just had to find the balance between independent and Mom instructed study. I think we are getting a better system down. My mom wanted to pay the girls for all their A's. I just laughed. Of course they have all A's. We don't move on until they really get it, really know whatever material we are covering so of course it means they have all A's. We declined the "A money".

I enjoy choosing my color as much as writing the blog. Brown is fallish, so since I am very much enjoying fall I will use brown. Our weather lately is so great. You can still wear shorts and summer clothes during the day and then throw on a sweatshirt at night (or tough it out!)

I had a great show last night, but forgot my crescent rolls!! It was my 101st show and I have not ever done that...forgot an essential ingredient! My hostess ran to the store and got them so it was not a big deal, embarrassing, but not a big deal. I'm glad I decided not to become a policeman or something!(forget my gun or where I parked the car)LOL!

Spent part of the day today cooking Summer's recipe of italian beef which was wonderful!! Thanks for sharing it Summer! Served it up on rolls with swiss cheese. Erik & I thought it was great. My kids complained the whole meal. I can't really complain because they eat all sorts of veggies, even asparagus and boiled okra(!!). They are just not receptive to new things and that is very frustrating!! Erika and Kayla are more likely to experiment than Lilly who really just wants hot dogs or any sort of pasta dish.

Not really alot to say tonight. I am working on snowman poop(You've been bad, so here's the scoop, nothing for you but snowman poop-mini marshmallows!) and reindeer food(oats and colored sugar) for my homemakers fundraiser bazaar. The bazaar is Nov 5th and I don't want to do my usual put of till the last minute thing! I am going to work on them a bit tonite and then try to get to bed at a decent hour.