I Have A Blog!

That is just a reminder to myself.  I have been using all spare time to play the most addictive game ever: Words With Friends.  On Facebook.  Very detrimental to the blog.  DETRIMENTAL...hmmm, in the right location...oh, sorry.  I drifted.  It is a very invasive game.  You start building words into your vocabulary that you will never use in polite conversation.  QI.  CLAVIC. CHORINE.  These don't even look like real words, but they are.

So, anyway, here I am back to the blog...waiting for everyone else to take their turn, LOL JK...not really.  I am escaping from the real world right now.  Don't misunderstand, I am totally on top of most all of my responsibilities.  I am gliding along my check-off list in a most efficient manner.  It is just that my heart isn't really in it.  Too many complicated and unpleasant things going on just below the surface.

 So, in order to keep on with the escaping...BULLETS!!

• Laundry is hell on earth.  It just is.  It is my least favorite chore and yet somehow is the best way possible to bless the family.  Love is spelled C-L-E-A-N   T-O-W-E-L-S. (also sheets, underwear, uniforms, jeans, etc.)
• Having a 90 pound lab as a house pet is a challenge.  She is so sweet but also, so needy.  She is always giving me her paw.  Sometimes with such force that my eyes water.  AND THE HAIR.  She has alot of hair.
• I am definitely pre-menopausal.  My emotions are so wild and woolly.  I can't even tell you for certain if I will be happy or sad this afternoon.  Or in an hour.  The mood swings are very exciting.  I like to think of myself as being even-keel.   However, the whiplash from all these emotions all the time is quite a wake-up call.
• Sometimes I play the 'when' game.  It goes like this:  When I finally get caught up on laundry...    When mom finally doesn't have to go to the doctor so much...   When I finally get everything organized...   When payday gets here...   When cross country is over...  When the weekend gets here...
• The saddest thing about the 'when' game is that it is very deceptive.  It sort of makes you think that something somewhere is going to ease up.  It isn't.  The 'when' game cheats me out of the enjoyment of the here and now.  This is what it is.  I need to be soaking up the busy, soaking up the leisure, soaking up the whatever.  BECAUSE, this is the stuff life is made of.  Hidden in the cracks and crevices of the busyness of life is where joy is found.  Soemtimes I just forget to look.  Sometimes, I'm too busy to bother to look.  Then I am forced to face life without any joy.
• I can totally alright with not having BBQ again for about a hundred years.  Between the funeral BBQ and then BBQ on the river, I am all set for a good long time.
• I am reading The Help.  What an amazing book.  I am so ashamed of some of my southern roots.  I hate that some of  that prejudice still lies below the surface for many.  It is NOT OK.  I hate the hypersensitivity that some folks have just as much.  Some people can make an innocent remark into racism...it isn't.  Racism is a heart issue. 

I'm a little verklempt.  I think I may need a nap.  Talk amongst yourselves.

Bullets!

I'll try to keep 'em brief!

• When the ham in the bottom of a deep-freeze is thawed, it is safe to assume all food is ruined.
• The night the PTO has a spaghetti fund raiser supper will be the day the cafeteria serves spaghetti for lunch.  (Communication anyone?)
• Kids are most enjoyable one-on-one.
• Invisible fences require ALOT of work. AND they are real expensive.  BUT, they ARE invisible and that is something, right?
• Even though I really love my job, the fact that I sometimes have to throw so much product away makes my eyes water.
• I may have to read The Purpose Driven Life a thousand times to fully get it.  Parts of the book truly make my eyes water.
• The more I am around people, the more I have to pray for God to help me love people with His love.
• Most parents I see while I am working would rather buy their kids a toy than have any sort of interaction with them.  That makes my eyes water.
• Having a friend that 'gets me' and treats me wonderful is an amazing combo.  Having several of those kinds of friends makes me think someone is fixin' to pull a rug out from under me.  (Cynical?  noooo)
• I have one child in FFA and another running for student council...be still my heart.  Gosh, I loved school.  I believe in the future of farming...
• Having a giant black lab as a full-time house dog kinda stinks...literally and figuratively.  Also...the fur!!  It is everywhere.
• Sometimes I miss homeschooling so much my eyes water. 
• Sometimes I love public school so much my eyes water.
• School fund raisers suck!  $8 gift wrap anyone?  Anyone?  (Crickets.)
• Seeing a bunch of cross-country team kids at a funeral home to visit a team-mate whose daddy died in a work accident (only 31 years old!) makes my eyes water.  Watching my girls be that kind of friend feels really good. (and makes my eyes water)

That should tell how I am doing.  My eyes water easily these days.  Everything is still really raw, but life is good.  God is faithful.  Friends are Heaven on earth.  This world is not my home, I'm just travelin' through.

A New Normal

Well, haven't I heard this phrase all of my life?  What does it mean?  It means something changes in your life so significant that there is no returning to normal.  What must develop then is a new normal.  We are in the process of developing that new normal.  Like so many of you out there (are going through with us, or before us, or will sometime after us), we have alot of  'firsts' to go through. 

I have decided that I do not like change.  And yet, change is inevitable.  Nothing can be done to stop it.  I do look forward to the days when it at least happens a little slower in much smaller doses.

Oh What A Week!

Since my last post, the bottom fell out of our life and it is slow in rising back up to meet us.  Erik's dad was diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis a couple of years ago and at that time the doctor told him not to do ANY research, wear his oxygen and enjoy his life.  He obeyed on the latter two.  I can't say I would have done any better.  He has had to increase the level of oxygen and also the frequency.  Last Thursday, early in the morning, he was admitted to the hospital after a particularly hard night breathing and also fever and chills.  Pneumonia.  Always scary, but especially so for him.  Thursday afternoon, much improved.  We were full blown into planning a 70th birthday party for Erik's mom on Saturday. (We are so thankful for these party plans because Erik's sister Marla was here from Ohio.) Since he was stabilized, we carried on with planning and hoped he would be home by Saturday.  Thursday night was a tough night and he did not rest well.  On Friday, he was still not feeling good and had to have an even stronger oxygen mask.  Friday night, Martha insisted on spending the night...we tried so hard to talk her out of it so they could both rest better.  Late Friday night or early in the morning on Saturday...Jerry worsened and passed away.  Thank you God, that Martha did not listen to us and stayed to be with Jerry to the bitter end.  They said their "I love yous" and she watched him slip away to be with God.  Quite a blessing after 52 1/2 years of being together.

Today, almost a week later, we laid him to rest.  It has been a terrible trying time for us.  We have cried, laughed, told stories, shared memories and visited with family from far away and just down the road.  It has been a time when our friends and family have literally propped us up with their love and caring.  I have felt so much love as we have navigated these scary waters.  AND, I have been loved into much tighter clothing by some very amazing comfort food.  Tomorrow, we begin to get back to life, back to a new reality.  There is a Jerry sized hole in all of our hearts that time won't heal...but it will dull the sharp edges.  He was an amazing dad, husband, grandfather, brother, friend and most of all for me, father-in-law.  We will be heading into a whole bunch of firsts as the fall holidays begin...we have many traditions that will be so hard to do without him.  Enjoy the upcoming Labor Day weekend AND, if you are the sort that grills hot dogs and brats on holidays like we are, please pray for our family as you eat that hot dog. Nobody ever loved hot dogs more than Jerry.



Losing a dad really sucks and to quote good ol' Forrest Gump, " That's all I have to say about that."