Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Can you believe the nerve of him? Now he is not only reading my blog, but posting as well. AND PICS!! Oh this is so wrong. Unfortunately, the pic he has posted is at least 2 years old, but at least you can see what my girls look like and certainly get a glimpse of their personalities and shyness(NOT).

We had such a fun and productive weekend. We now have cabinets in our garage(free from a friend) and all new thrones in the bathrooms(free from hubbies mom and dad and almost brand new), new paint in one bathroom(garage sale $1 and $2 for the new paint for the living room-when I get to it!!) I also have the $200 pantry that matches my hutch in my kitchen courtesy of a moving sale ($45). Oh how I love a bargain!! We have caught up on so much throughout the house!! I even vacuumed!!This is so scary, Erik was way more vigorous in what he has gotten accomplished though-he really made the most of a weekend of no gigs and 2 days in a row off. In addtion to the above mentioned, he cleaned gutters, did yard work, started sorting through things to clean out of the garage, and helped me get everything ready for the awesome get-together we hosted for Memorial Day. It centered around having a bonfire that we have been trying to have for 2 years and weather and time would not cooperate. We decided that even though it was awesomely hot, it would still be fun to roast hot dogs and marshmallows. We had a few families over to celebrate the day with us and kicked off about 4PM. EVERYONE was late though including me with prep and cooking, so we sort of got it all started about 5:30ish. It was fine though!! These are my friends after all! We had lots of daylight time and there were kids all over the place. Erik got a wiffleball game going and everyone just played, visited, and ate!

I had started the day waking up with what I knew was asthmatic bronchitis that had been developing since Friday. A quick call to Dr. Telle got me an antibiotic, inhaler, and prednisone!!! I wasn't expecting the prednisone but I was oh so thankful. It helps to be on superhuman pills when you are sick. I hate taking anti-biotics or pills of any kind. She always knows when I call her for them it is SERIOUS!! It is also always either a bladder infection(read that way too many diet cokes)or asthmatic bronchitis! anyway, Erik went for them as soon as the pharmacy opened and by evening I did not even realize I was sick anymore. It also allowed me to really get zealous with the housework and thus enjoy the evening!!

Rain interrupted us about 8:15 and we moved the party inside and mostly everyone stayed. I had the fire going so good though that it lasted through the rain and when it stopped, Erik took some of the kids out to roast some hot dogs and marshmallows. I managed to get a brownie and a cupcake down most of the guests and managed not to even be tempted. I was so miserable last time I cheated that the desire to cheat is really not even there-wait I did lick the spoon to the brownies as I was putting it in the sink (old habits die hard)but it was not enough heroin to make me jones for more (RELAX IT'S A JOKE!!) The party broke up sometime before 9:30ish. We sent our stinky smelly kids to bathe/shower and then sent them to bed immediately. We all slept in today except Erik who not only had to go in early but also stay late...they REALLY pay for the holidays they get off!! We stayed at home and I got through almost all of the boxes on my dining room floor!! I am so proud of myself. Yard Sale this weekend at a friends I THINK!! I can really get rid of some STUFF!! We also are having a curriculum yard sale Thursday so I can really get some junk out of here AND maybe even make some money doing it!!

I gotta get off of here now. More recent pics soon and I am trying to learn HTML so no telling what I will surprise you with!!

Maybe a link or two, Zoot(www.misszoot.com) shared her secret weapon with me and now I will be unstoppable!!


Monday, May 29, 2006

Erik the husband here. I can post pics!! hehehehe

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Yesterday, I mowed the yard-all of it!! After hubby got home he was all freed up to till between our rows in the garden, make some extra rows and then he went to get tomoato plants. Our garden is totally done and rockin' now. I love having a garden. Mostly I enjoy the family bonding when we all work in the garden together. The kids have a row of flowers that is planted in bunches...I wonder how they will turn out?

I can't wait to get fresh veggies. All of our seeds are sprouted and Erik could not help but buy pumpkin plants (I had tons of pumpkin seed-whatever) , more squash plants and watermelon plant along with the tomato plants. I am a firm believer in planting from seeds, but hubby likes the instant results plants offer. I like the plant from a seed, watch it sprout and then be the same size as the plants he bought. I keep trying to tell him there is a transplant factor-when you transplant, it "shocks" the plants a little and stunts their growth for a time while they acclimate to a new setting. I have no proof except-the seeds catch right up and sometimes pass the transplants. It happens year after year so I must be right...someone corroberate my theory!!!

We are off to yard sale and then go to a wedding this afternoon. I love weddings!

Friday, May 26, 2006

I am secretly glad school is out!! Now we don't get interrogated when we run errands or go to the grocery store. "You kids out of school today?" "No, we are homeschooled and you are way to nosy for your own good mister." Just kidding, they only say the we are homeschooled part!!

Have a great HOLIDAY weekend!!
I am really enjoying seeing the dirty houses of all of my cyberfriends who are posting pictures of their real "lived-in" homes. Since I am picture challenged, you just have to take my word for it. My house is just about the same as everyone elses in the unslaved over state. My husband would never believe it-that other people have messy houses too-unless they know you are coming!! This is because he did not grow up that way. His Mom and Dad take much pride in being very neat and tidy. I wish I could and I tense up all over when they drop in unannounced, but really, I just can't make it a priority and still stay sane. I don't WANT IT (neatness) that much. It would be nice, if it were not a constant battle with everyone, not to mention a joy-robber!

Now I am going to get off of here and work on making my house somewhat presentable instead of "Oh MY!! An explosion in your home!! Is everyone OK?!!"

Thursday, May 25, 2006

I am pleased to report, I did not kill my dog. File that right under things I never thought I would say. Yesterday, as we pulled into our driveway, our dog, Buddy, chased after us (as always) and I ran over him. He took off for our wooded ditch and even though we searched and searched-about 4 different times-we never found him. My heart was heavy as we got ready for church and went. I had told the girls he was probably really busted up inside and went off to die somewhere. I was crushed. The kids were crushed. AND we thought the dog was crushed as well. We all prayed for him before bed.

He is not the smartest dog in the world(that is my other dog, Thunder, who I have posted on before) but he is still a pup, about 11 months old. He wondered into our back yard sometime shortly after we returned from Disney and appointed himself our watch dog. He never leaves our backyard and loves us completely. He was gone from 4PM(when I ran over him) until sometime this morning. I should interrupt this blog to say we had one big storm last night, the kind you don't sleep through-lots of lightning and thunder and loudness. My husband was up about 4:30 after not sleeping real well and then came back to bed. Up again at 6:30 and that is when he said to me, "There he is!" And I said, "Buddy?" "Yep, hurry, go let him in" (words my husband would never say under ordinary circumstances). So I grab a towel and go hug his big chocolate lab neck and tell him how sorry I am. He licks my face completely and lets me know he forgives me completely. He has a few spots on his leg and a slight limp. Other than that, he is a big old bouncy pup. He still got to come in from 6:30 until the kids got up. If he had not drank a huge bowl of water, he would still be in, but we have no idea about his potty-trainedness. He has never been in more than 15-20 minutes. We had some doggy pain meds from an experience with Thunder so I give him one. I was all ready to take him to the vet as soon as we all got up and ready, but I now have decided we will take a wait and see approach. He stands on the leg a little and there is no swelling. It also has a good steady pulse at all parts of the foot. We are thinking we would not like to have $300 of x-rays to tell us he is just gonna be sore for a few days. He would not have let me examine him like that if it were broken. I may wrap it up for him if it still hurts him tonight.

I am so thankful our Buddy is home again, guarding the swingset and laying in the sandbox. To paraphrase Forrest Gump a little...He's nawt a smawt dawg, but he makes a good pet.

Oh, Julia-I do have hypothyroidism and take a small dose of synthroid for it. Since my Mom is a diabetic, her mom and dad were both diabetics, I have always had my blood sugar monitored closely and it has always been fine. I do think sugar is like poison to my body though and I feel so much better without it!! Especially knowing I can still have forms of chocolate sometimes!!

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Keep praying!!!! It is working, we talked LAST NIGHT WITHOUT HAVING A FIGHT. That is an answer to prayer. We had a good night and made some plans for things to be different, me not to let things build up and fester, him to be more plugged in. He quit one of the bands he is in and is going to try real hard to only be in the one band. This is a huge step!! He promised that a couple of weeks ago, but it did not happen, but this time he did it. The calendar is still full, BUT I can suffer through it for now knowing there are breaks in sight.

SUGAR UPDATE- Hi my name is Janice and I am addicted to sugar. I cheated on Sat. May 21st with a small piece of birthday cake (hubby's). If there had been any sugar in this house, I would have had a binge out of this world. I escaped the binge but the cravings went on all night. I have no desire to cheat again. It is the first time in 3 weeks I have craved sugar. It just proves that I am like an alcoholic when it come to sugar-if I have a little, I just want more and more. I have lost about 6 lbs and since it is coming off SOOOOOOOOOO SLOOOOOOOWLY perhaps it will stay off.

Barley is delicious with a little skim milk and splenda! The best of the whole grain cereals. I also found Kroger brand mini shredded wheat with no added sugar and they make a nice sub for chips. I can't wait for blackberries to get ripe. And blueberries.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

I am not resembling the daughter of a king today...or yesterday. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

I should have known that when you set your mind to becoming closer to God, Satan does attack. He has in a mighty way and I am not sure what I am supposed to do with this.

There are so many things in my marriage that have been ignored that are now on the forefront and screaming to be resolved. I feel like a wishbone that is being tugged by two different sides. I want to do the things that I know are right and honor God, but sometimes things are soo hard that I just want to throw up my hands and quit.

Please pray for me, pray for us that we each seek to honor God first and then each other and ourselves last. I can't even tell you all the anger that wells up within me as I typed that last statement. I refuse to be a martyr anymore, but oh how proudly I have worn that hat in the past. Just let everyone else be happy and put my own wants and desires aside for the good of the family. The compounded effect of allowing someone else to do whatever they want to "make them happy" has culminated in a really bad marriage. It has forced me into a "mommy" role and him into a "child" role. So I am a dysfunctional "mom" that wants my "kid" to like me and he is a child seeing just how far he can push to get his way. I just can't do it anymore and the worst thing of all is that his role is pretty cool. He gets to plug in or not. He can be "busy" and uninvolved in the day to day of our life. Why in the world would he want to change anything??? He has the best of all worlds, lots of me time and a family to come back to when his me time is all done. So I feel like a single mom that is not single. I am full of anger and resentment.

Now, don't read into this that my husband is a bad man. He is not. He is a wonderful father and husband. He has just always had an audience for whatever his "thing" was. It was football most of his life. Now it is music. He likes attention and praise from doing these things. I would prefer him to curl up with one of our kids and read a book. Watch them in a spelling bee. I would like for him to shift the focus off of himself and onto our family. I am not an audience kind of person. I am not impressed by sports or music, or "stars". Show me who you really are not what you do. That is my makeup-I like the real nitty gritty honesty, not the persona. The people who impress me in life are the ones who make family their priority no matter what. They walk away from huge opportunities because they know their kids will only be little once.

Juxtaposition anyone? I would say we have it.

I covet your prayers for our family. I want God to change us, to split us at the seams and put us back together in a way that honors him. I know that involves huge changes from me too and I am just as reluctant. I probably should not post this but this is where I am at today and anything else would be a smokescreen.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

I have a serious problem. I have taken a huge overdose of grace. Somewhere along this way of life I have decided that since I have grace and can never be perfect, I can do whatever I want. Okay, maybe I have not taken it quite that far, but I have taken it pretty far indeed!! I am not set apart for God and scarcely resemble any sort of holiness. Somehow in all this talk about grace and forgiveness, I forgot God actually does require a new way of life for me.

I am struggling with an overdose of grace and lack of boundaries. My preacher asked a question today(paraphrased)-If you imagine a line with Secular/Worldly on one end and Godly/Holy on the other end-where do I fall. I don't know what the rest of the sermon was really about because the conviction stabbed me in the belly with a knife. I KNOW how I feel inside. I know the gift of Christ I have received. Does my life show it? If there were a hidden camera, would the crew at dateline declare me a Christian? Is the fruit of my spirit evident? Do I have fruit or just jams? I have to say with total honesty that I probably fall somewhere right smack in the middle of that line-just slightly over into the secular side. I don't think this is what God has in mind when he asked me to be the "light of the world, salt of the earth".

Don't get started on "There is nothing I can do to earn my salvation"-I know that. I also know I am the only Jesus some people will ever see-do I take that captive in my soul every day? Does Christlikeness exude from my actions?

Oh friends, I am going to be praying some new prayers and studying this week. Please pray for me. I want to be holy, I am the daughter of a king and I want it to show.

Friday, May 19, 2006

By dropped a saltshaker on my steak I meant, it came open and all the salt came out. The chef decided to smear it into the steak and no one would notice. But I did notice and even my very unpicky husband said-you have to send it back, it isn't even edible. He hates when people send stuff back-REALLY, he dies a little. He looked at me all serious and said, yeah, you have too. It made him so sad.
We have the coolest new neighbor. Not only is he a police officer but he also has a dog WITH PUPPIES!!!! Nine of them, in fact. Momma is a german shepherd but the pups are black and white lab looking critters. ADORABLE!! He and his girlfriend seem to really like children as well-good thing since my kids are begging to see pups everyday!! Cory and Kate(the neighbors) are also both young and beautiful so that makes my kids love them all the more. (mostly it is the puppies though) (we are not getting one) (even though they are sooooooo cute) (hubby said no) (I would soo get one) (hubby is mean) (not really-we have two dogs and two cats already) (puppies have the best breath!) (I love puppies) (we are not getting a puppy) (wahhhhhh!)

Stopped by my in-laws today to look at yard sales in the paper for possible shopping tomorrow. Here was the conversation as we were leaving.

"Memaw, I am sorry I said I wanted your cat things when you die, and wished you would hurry up and die.", Lilly says. Memaw laughs and laughs..."That's okay." We start pulling out.

"Yeah Lilly, those should be for her kids.", says Erika.

"Memaw doesn't have kids, ERIKA!", say Lilly.

"Yes she does-DAD and Aunt Marla", says Erika.

"We are her kids now cause Dad is old now", says Lilly.

"We're her GRANDkids silly", says Erika.

"Shut up Erika, I want those cats and she's giving them to me when she dies.", says Lilly.

The joy of polite children escapes me. Really. I have kids who say the darnedest things instead. It makes life interesting and sometimes I want to crawl under a rock. Memaw started all of this though. Lilly asked for her little cat knick-knacks and Memaw said, "You can have them when I die.". This prompted Lilly to say "I wish you would hurry up and die so I can have them." This sent Memaw into a hysterical laughing fit. I was not laughing. It was a horrible thing to say but I smiled. Lecture about how much we love Memaw and want her to be around forever followed. Memaw thinks it is hilarious. I can't wait to be a grandma, it sure looks like alot of fun.

Finally got our garden planted!!! It finally stopped raining!! This should guarantee a good long dry spell. HEE HEE!!
Hubby and I went on a date last night to celebrate our anniversary. We were a little late because the last two weeks have been so crazy. We went to Patti's which is a local restaurant that has awesome food and atmosphere. We actually did not have the greatest food though, which was quite shocking. Erik got the special of the day which was a seafood pasta salad that was a little odd. I got Texas steak which is my favorite thing on their menu and I had to send it back because someone dropped a salt shaker on it. My next steak was delicious though and it waits for me for supper today. Luckily we were so full from our appetizers and salad (they were delicious)that we did not care about our entree anyway.

After we ate and Erik packed our leftovers to the van, we walked their gardens-which are vast and beautiful. There are flowers and animals everywhere outside so it is very awesome. They have a gazebo in the middle all set up for a wedding, so we walked down the aisle and kissed. Then we went over to the tiny prayer chapel and prayed for our relationship. It really was quite awesome. My specific prayer for us is that we grow closer to each other as we grow closer to God. The closer to God part is just critical-sometimes He gets lost in our days and we don't want that. Anyway, it was a wonderful evening together and we desperately needed it. Home was good too. ( ;

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Okay Heather, that was payback right? Two days is not at all that long!!

I spent all day yesterday with my friend Christina. We have known each other since first grade and now we both homeschool. We discussed all of our high school (and school in general) stupidity. IT took all day..hee hee. I think we are both more resolved to homeschool. HS was so much about sex, drugs and drinking. I was such a strong personality even then and I caved to some of it. (you just have to guess which parts) Now all of that kind of crap starts in middle school and I can't even imagine what I might have gotten into had those temptations assailed me that young. We mostly talked about others whose decisions now follow them for life. It is hard to live past being a "joint whore" or being the girl who "serviced" everybody who wanted it. I believe God can restore anyone and he has certainly forgiven and restored me, but the consequences of the sin in my life are still there. I still run into certain people and just want to be invisible. The impact of our stupid decisions lives on forever.

We also talked about how most of those type girls were sexually abused in some way and no one took the time to teach them differently. I would have to say those things are probably so much more common in our culture that "those girls" are probably populous now than they were then. In my high school there were mostly just girls that slept with their boyfriends. Maybe 5-10 slept with "everybody". From what I hear about there are probably just a few that are virgins or only sleep with their boyfriends. Sad sad days. Something is going to have to change within school systems and families soon. Schools are ripe with sexuality and middle schoolers don't have the maturity to decide if sex is even something they want to do. They just want to be liked and it is a surefire way to be popular-at least for a little while. In my day girls were taught to say no. I'm not sure they are anymore.

Okay there is my lovely bit of encouragement. If you have a middle school child in your life, you better have open communication. You better check out some VD resources and pregnancy stats and be armed to the max with reasons to say no. Go over God's plan for sex and marriage daily!! Do not assume your child is not sexually active, most kids have at least entertained the thought by age 13. Heavy petting starts at age 12. Information is key. Supervision is the only deterent!! If you are dropping your 12 year old off at the movies with her boyfriend, she is 90% more likely to be having sex. Don't believe me? Go check out some my spaces. Keep in mind too that some parents think sex at young ages is totally cool-they look back on their own promiscuity as "fun" and want their kids to have the same "fun". Be informed parents and be involved parents. Most critical....PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY!! You can't pray too much!!

Pause while I step off my soapbox. Lighter post next time I promise!!

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

This is completely stolen from www.crazedmommyofthree.blogspot.com and I think she stole it from someone else. I am posting it because it makes me laugh my head off and I break alot of the rules!! PLUS< I am totally a crazed mommy of three as well! I do have to brag just a bit though, my toenails are totally cute right now-red with white polka dots that I did myself. But my heels are a little crusty and cracked so I guess they cancel out.

The Open Toed Shoe Pledge

"As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the Rules when wearing sandals and other open-toe shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.

I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look good.

I will promise if I wear flip flops that I will ensure that they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

I will promise to go my local nail salon at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $20 and worth EVERY penny).

I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear... nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals."
I did not even post about my Mother's day. It was very interesting. We got home Saturday from camping at GS Camp at about 2:30. Camping was awesome, by the way. I can't decide who had more fun-the grown-ups or the kids. I thoroughly enjoyed it and slept great. We had a fire and roasted hot dogs. I ate kale salad while everyone else had smores. The next day they all had smores hangovers, I could tell. We hiked and ate and played games. It was great fun. As soon as we walked in the door, it was hurriedly put away our things and get moving. We left for mucho running at about 3:45.

Our first stop was a baby shower for a couple at church. It was a shower for families so there was alot of people and yummy food, even for sugar busters-I still have not cheated, I can't even believe it. We left there at about 5, it could have been earlier but the new baby was not at all cooperative for mom and dad's schedule(or ours either, but that was ok, we had a great time visiting waiting for them to arrive). Babies are good about breaking schedules!! Apparently he needed to nurse right as they were leaving. It was funny to us, we are past all of that so we can laugh about it. Some things you just don't miss. Throwing up is another thing I don't miss. I remember one time on a Walmart trip from you know where, my oldest-then my only, but I was pregnant-had eaten some applesauce that apparently didn't sit well. She threw up all over herself and after I picked her up and got her clean, I put her on my shoulder to comfort her. Large amounts of applesauce were then hurled all over me and all down my back. Why is it that that tiny jar of food becomes so much more when they are throwing it all back up??? MEMORIES!!

I digress, from there we went to get Lilly who stayed with my sister while we were camping. She has a cousin her age there that she dearly loves. My sister said she was very good for the most part. (scary thoughts) Apparently there had been some biting of the older brother that had to be corrected and after that, all was well. Lilly says she never wants to go to Aunt Pam's again-of course this is said in front of Aunt Pam. Four year olds are so completely unpredictable. It is like a rollercoaster ride with no straps!! She did manage to give her a hug and say thank you.

After we left there we had about 20 minutes to spend at my Mom's house before we were off to a graduation party. My friend Elaina graduated from college!! I am so proud of her. It was a nice party but very chilly! The kids had a ball. Chris and Elaina are going to be such good parents...I hope they are making the most of their free time for now!

Mom was not happy about our quick visit. She will be mad for a long time. Later on the phone she made a point to tell me it isn't the gifts that matter, but the time of the visits. GUILT TRAP!!! We told her we would like to come by Sunday evening and she should just call us when she got home. She got home and called us at 7:50 and my guilt was OVER!!! If time was that critical she would have come home instead of going shopping. My Mom is great jolly fun.

Sunday morning my husband presented me with 3 roses from the girls and they presented me with cards and homemade gifts. ( : We had church and my husband usually dashes out the door to do sound in the early AM, this day he skipped out to wait on his lovely bride, yes me, so we could all go together. He did not nag or complain about me taking tooo long which is awesome for him!! He also joined me for Sunday School which never happens. ( : (Sound again!) The sermon was great, both encouraging and a little convicting-to worry about work less and time with kids more. Then we went to Los Amigos in Lone Oak with all of Erik's family(grandma, cousins, aunt, uncles and parents) for lunch. They have a buffet there and I was able to make a sugar free salad and not one single corn chip touched my lips. I FEEL GOOD!!!! GO ME!!! It was interesting to have a loud busy lunch with a party of 20. Then we went back to Erik's grandma's for a short visit with his Aunt and Uncle from China, TX and also an Aunt and Uncle from here that we don't see very often.

Then we came home. I took a nap and ERIK DID LAUNDRY!!!!!!!!! WOWOWOWWOW!!! It was great. We waited all evening for my Mom to call for us to go visit her. I called her several times to no avail. We had supper at about six and started our showers. We were all ready for bed at 7:50 when my mom called. We were apologetic, but not coming over at 8. I really do try, she is just impossible. She told me all about the great fun she had shopping, oh well. It was Mother's Day and I tried to give her "time".

I had a lovely day, I was pretty grouchy though. I tend to snarl under pressure and I was a pressure cooker.

Grey's Anatomy made me mad too. I watched the season finale last night and I was completely annoyed with that ending. That stupid affair really bothers me. REALLY, Meredith needs to think a little more of herself and find a nice veterinarian or something. Dr. McDreamy is a worthless hag. Doing the right thing my butt.

Monday, May 15, 2006

TWELVE YEARS!! I can hardly believe it. Yesterday was both Mother's Day and My hubby and I celebrated year 12 of our marriage. We never thought we would make it. I still can't believe we have. We are still having the same fights we have always had, with a little less intensity, and neither one of us leaves. We just sort of say the script and go to bed. I dream of eliminating the script and writing a new script where each of us is more thoughtful of the other and less thoughtful of ourselves, but I think it is not going to happen. In my fantasy world, he tells me I am right and he is so lucky to have such a wonderful wife and I am totally right on all counts and he will make all changes necessary to ensure domestic tranquility. I tell him I haven't appreciated him enough and he is my knight in shining armor. We then live happily ever after. Of course, on many counts I am totally right and yet totally wrong. You see, I am not a kind and loving companion. I am moody and unpleasant when things do not go the way I think they should. I have no healthy role model of marriage so the ideal in my head is really tough to compare us to-Cosby/Family Ties/Roseanne/Little House on the Prairie/The Waltons all rolled into one. I can say that when I look around at the marriages that did not make it I am amazed that we did. I am amazed that although we have hurt each other many times, we still go on. Marriage is so hard and harder still are the expectations that I have. I look around at church and I see so many others that seem to be so stinking perfect. Do we seem perfect to those looking at us? Is this the lie we all buy into, everyone is happier than us?

I hate housework and the way it totally never gets done despite the fact that 75% of my time is spent on it. I could just accept that and go on with life, but I have not given up the dream of an organized house yet. I wish I could say I spend so much time having fun with the kids that it just doesn't get done, but the truth is, I work at it all the time. I feel like such a complete failure. I can organize the snot out of an activity but I can't find a home for all the things in our home and keep it tidy. Is this truly rocket science? My frustration with my inabilities projects onto my husband. His frustration with time management projects onto his wife. It makes for a constant source of strife and unappreciativeness on all sides. We can each see the speck in one another's eye and yet are completely unwilling to acknowledge or remove the plank from our own. Through it all I guess we have matching stubborn streaks that will not allow us to entertain the notion of giving up. And love. We passionately love each other even with our lovely assortment of faults. I wonder if we are doing our children justice sometimes, but I guess that side of marriage-the stick to it part is as much a life lesson as any other.

I digress. Part of me wants to go back and delete all of that, but the other part of me will need to read that again. I love my husband with all of my heart. We have been through alot of tough trials that in some ways have made us stronger than we ever thought we could be but in other ways, eroded our foundation in a way that really hasn't been rebuilt. I can't imagine life without him. I do want him to make changes for the better, but I fully realize I need to make changes for the better as well. We are playing the "you change first and then I will" game. I wonder who will go first!

OKAY, with all of that said, I now move onto we had the busiest weekend of our life and I have vowed we will not tread into a path like that again. I am a people pleasing, people serving person. It isn't the selfless, christian "loving" way it sounds. It is more of a tireless matyr role. I have decided that my family and I need some changes. I am tired of the guilt I have for the resentment of how my life goes. You must serve out of overflow from God, not go to God desperate and empty asking him to refill quickly before the next activity. I have not only been tired and empty but resentful of others who did not step up. I don't want to be that person. I will be spending some time reflecting and sorting out exactly what I am called to be a part of and what I am not called to be a part of. I am removing my supermom cape and getting rid of it forever. I am putting on my "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me cape" and realizing he does NOT strengthen me to be supermom. Thank you blog world for "listening" to a rant that was really just for me!!

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

These questions are from www.juliajuliabohemian.blogspot.com The INTERVIEW ME game. If you want to play, just ask me to interview you in my commments section. I will then ask you five questions you post on your blog. Great fun!

1. If you could only wear one piece of jewelry (excluding your wedding ring, of course) what would it be? Funny question since I only wear my wedding ring. I am not a jewelry girl but do own a little. Maybe a cross necklace that I have.

2. You are leaving for church and you realize that you have no clean underwear left. What do you do? Wear what I am wearing or was wearing. I'm a daily bather, it wouldn't be soo bad.

3. How old would your daughter have to be to wear make-up (assuming this hasn't already been a relevant question for you) 12 is the magical age in our household although my oldest told me today she did not think she would. She is wrong. I also have the stipulation that it has to be applied correctly-no clown make-up or poder blue eyes that glow across the room.

4. You have to find a house/home to live in that costs less than $100,000. You can't rent. You have to buy and pay cash up front. Where do you live? I believe the house we are in qualifies!! If we had to save and buy with cash, we would stay with my in-laws and save quickly!!

5. You are working alone at a liquor store during the middle of the night. A man comes to the counter and points a gun in your face and tells you to empty the register. The register has only about 40 bucks in it and the rest is in the safe, which you cannot open. How do you handle the situation? I give him the money (in a bag so he doesn't know how small the amount is) and pray, all the while telling how great he is, nearsighted (how blurry he is!!) I am and all about my children who desperately need me. In my head would be prayer, prayer, prayer!!

Name / Username:

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From Go-Quiz.com
The following questions were posted on my blog mentors comments- www.jettybetty.blogspot.com but I decided I would love to hear from others on these topics as well!

I am constantly thinking there has got to be a better plan than the one I am following!!


How to keep on keepin on cleaning a house that never stays clean more than five minutes.

How to invite others to clean their messes without being the queen of mean.

How to not kill your husband when he messes up said house and allows others to do so as well while you are out of the home for a few hours.

How to develop and implement a family devotional time.

I look forward to hearin' from ya!!

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Sugar free fat free ice cream is really not so bad. I am really doing it. I have gone almost a week without sugar and I don't feel deprived at all. I am thinking of ways to adapt recipes. It is bringing out the chef(Lilly says cooker which is way cuter!)in me. I love to cook and this challenge has broken me away from the monotony I had fallen into.

My girl scouts are finally getting to camp this Friday. Our last trip was cancelled by a freak snowstorm that shut down Western KY. We should be able to not worry about that now!! We will still go even if it rains or storms because we will be in a cabin.

I am looking forward to it a little. And dreading it a little. It will be a lot of work. Today we get to stay at home and I can finish all the things I started yesterday!! The good news is all the stuff on my dining room floor has kept me on top of the laundry a little more because I don't want to delve into it. Usually laundry is the only chore I can really ignore, now I have two chores to neglect and postpone. Laundry is so much more popular than sorting through useless crap and paper and finding a home for it. CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!!! Perhaps I could just buy rubbermaid containers and stuff all this crap away somewhere, wait I already did that.

Look out LAUNDRY, here I come!! Pray for me to focus!!

Monday, May 08, 2006

Sugar busters is going well. Erik is a believer now that he lost six pounds and has even been cheating. I have lost 3 lbs and have only cheated once, last night our care group had pizza and I just ate the toppings on two pieces and whole thing on another two. Then I stopped even though it was thin crust and I could have eaten 10 pieces. I have not cheated with cakes or candy though and I never would have believed I could have done that!!

This morning we had Bob Mills ten grain hot cereal for breakfast and it is awful!! It is supposed to be cream of wheatish, but it has so much grain flavor it resembles bird seed. I must stop talking about it or I will throw up. Steel cut oats are what we wil be buying from now on. Very yummy and still whole grain.
Lilly only ate one bite and the other two ate it all and I managed to choke all of mine down. Erika thought it was delicious. Kayla was just hungry.

I must get off of here and be productive. Really-my house is awful and I can't seem to get my butt in gear. MOVE IT JANJANMOM!!!!

Have a great Monday! (Is that possible?)

Sunday, May 07, 2006

"More than thunder, more than thunder. More than thunder, more than thunder. More than thunder. MORE THAN THUNDER. More than thunder MOOOOORE THAN THUNDERRRR." Sings Lilly, my little songbird, as she tornadoes through the house deciding what will be her next "thing" to do.

"Stop singing that Lilly. It is sooooo annoying", cries Kayla my middle child born with no patience or tolerance.

This makes Lilly sing even more and a little louder. Inside I smile a little, until it escalates into a full blown fight. (It ALWAYS does.) I smile a little because she heard this at church. She loves to sing church songs, only at home though. I have done the part of being the example. I have felt the conviction of "Praise me amidst the throngs of people" and I have sung loud enough for others to hear in church. (I am not a good singer and never have been...being around singers makes me nervous because I know they are LISTENING!!) This has not prompted even one of my children to sing in church. They sing with praise music on the radio at home and in the car. And just loudly with no radio or music. I so want to fill their pretty little heads with music about God and Jesus and GLORY! We listen to christian music all the time we are not listening to books on CD's. I want God and everything about him to permeate our life in every way. I am trying tirelessly to overcome the bad vices that I have that influence them with an equal or greater influence of good!

My husband and I have many recurring disagreements and one of them is over music. He is a drummer and also very talented singer(he keeps that to himself but he can sing every part-real high and real low). He does not sing very often-I think he must have been teased about it or something. He listens to EVERYTHING. You can't even imagine some of the things we have been subjected to on WKMS (local college public radio). Irish yodeling, mariachi type music, bluegrass, opera, classical, twangin' country and punk rock just to name a few. The girls think it is great. They have his love for music so I tolerate. I do not like the popular music that is contaminating the airwaves and even some of the "oldies". While he is listening to music, I am listening to lyrics and saying..."Turn it!! turn it!!" I do not hear music very well and can finally pick out instruments, but being a wordsmith, I know the words and I know our much beloved music of yesteryears is awful! The music he plays with his band is as well. My children are SPONGES. Lilly picks up the tune and the words after about ONE listen. This is very telling when she has had a day with Daddy and comes back singing. He does not share my concern over music/lyrics. He says he listened to the same stuff all his life and did not even get what it was saying until I pointed it out.

I bring up all of this to marvel over the differences in what we worry about. I worry about what they will contaminate their mind with and he worries about only one thing...BOYS. I am so thankful and hopeful that God knew what he was doing when he gave us as parents to our children. While our disagreements are so plentiful, I see what we offer them most of all-BALANCE. But I know for a fact boys and men are Erik's biggest panic button. We saw one of our friends kids at Spring Carnival and she is a gorgeous teenager. She has long beautiful blonde hair and looks just like....a woman. I know though, despite trying to look and act sexy, she is still a child. I see it in my older girl scouts. They look so mature and then they start talking about how cool Garfield is or how they miss playing with barbies. It is so important that they have guidance through the "sexy" years when boys and men can't help but notice them. All this greatly improves my prayer life and dependence on God. I am praying diligently that he will guide me in laying the groundwork that will get my girls through those years with their dinity and purity still intact. I had no guidance at all, so I had to learn all things the hard way. I hope and pray that each one of my girls will be open to instruction and cousel through the tough years.

What a serious post I have today. Erika's 10th birthday looms in the distance and I shudder a little at reaching double digits. I'm glad we are away from public school and its young sexiness, but I am not so naive as to think this will be a cure-all. Sexuality in this country is only acted out in schools. Its core is movies and TV and it ripples through every level of our country-even church. We snicker at the sexual innuendo in G rated disney movies. We admit it is out of place but seem assured it is going over their heads...really? For how long? I join you Jacinda in the only prayer that makes me able to keep on keepin' on:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

Truly words to live by.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Sorry for taking so long to post! I went two whole days without phone or email waiting for my phone company to fix it. I had a decidedly unchristian phone call via cell phone with them yesterday about 4:15. It was fixed within the evening. Why do you have to be so mean to get things done?

I am officially a sugar buster. I have been off sugar since Wednesday. Being a good mom and wife, I have, of course, insisted my family go along for this ride. Everyone is being a good sport except Erik who seeks to sabotage me at every turn. He bought the kids cotton candy at Spring Carnival last night. He never does that. He claims he forgot. Likely story.

It is going so much better than I thought it would be. I am not dying for sugar like I thought I would be and I am not thinking ahead to all the sugar I will be missing. Maybe a little-one day at a time. This is not a diet. This is forever and if I lose some weight that will just be a plus. This is a for my health move because diabetes is so rampant in my family. Pray for me!!

Gotta go, homebased business fair today where I will be on site trying to snag a few for The Pampered Chef!


Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Spelling bee went well. Kids were pleased with how they did and are willing to do it again next year. They did not win or even place, but I was proud of them for standing up there and spelling. I was also proud that my oldest did not cry when she sat down-she is easily emotional at times like that. I came in second in the adult group. Our accountant (which for us means he does our taxes once a year) won. We had extremely hard vocabulary building words I had never heard of. I spelled a word right that I had never heard of. Jeremy earned his first place! I got $4 for winning second place so that was kind of neat. I did not know there was any cash at all involved in winning so it was a nice perk.

There was a news story last night that one of the high school teachers in OUR community school is on administrative leave for being in an adult film. I am sent little affirmations from God everyday for our homeschooling. I love everything about it, even on the bad days.

My cat seems relieved her kittens are gone. She snuggled up right beside me on the bed last night. When her boobs dry up, we will get her fixed.

Today is a stay-at-home day. I will be getting some housework done I hope...or maybe I will finsh the book I started...clean woman, clean!!!!!

Monday, May 01, 2006

Another one bites the dust. This is why people get webpages instead of blogs.
Susie-the peanut butter banana smoothie that was yuk was the homemade variety. I'm sure Sonic's version is full of ice cream and yumminess-mine was milk, bananas and PB.

I am still very upset about the post that wasn't as I spent a good deal of time writing it. I am just doing a few random things. This is my theory-the longer the post, the more likely it is to be lost in space(cyber that is)

*Kittens are going to a new home today. They will be missed but we will get over it. We decided not to keep one, 2 cats is enough.

*Spelling bee tonight. I, along with my two older children will participate. I hope we don't humiliate the family.

*I can't seem to get over the blahs lately. I blame it on fatigue or possibly all the crap in my dining room I have to walk through seven hundred times a day. There is no where to put it all!!!

*Only 18 more days till school is over. YEAH!!!

*Somedays I wish I could trade lives with Oprah.

*Today is one of those days.